Wishes
by Wedjatqi
Summary: Set 20 years in the future, companion piece to previous fic 'The Middle Son' JT
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I make no profit of any kind from this fic, etc etc.

**Spoilers:** AU, future fic. Companion to fic 'The Middle Son' (please read it first before this one) which can be found through my profile page.

**Comments**: Trying to find some inspiration for writing I was digging through my computer files and came across this fic that I wrote last year. It was written as a companion piece to my fic 'The Middle Son' – set in an AU world 20 years in the future. I had loads of requests and questions about middle son, and I wrote this as a response to answer some of those questions but not all of them. I thought to help spark some more writing I would now post it up finally. Also I made a very generous estimate of John's age here as it has not been officially set in the series.

--------

The images and words spread across the cards were brightly coloured, full of joy praise and congratulations. There were many of them, arranged by some unknown and thoughtful hand, across the two tables of his office. The smiling images told him to be happy - after all it was his birthday. Fifty five years old today.

John's eyes dropped to the remains of the birthday cake on his desk. He contemplated for a moment eating some more, which would only further his feeling of sickness, but he decided against it. He had already eaten enough in front of all the smiling delighted faces. Cramming the brightly coloured piping and layers of sponge into his mouth as he tried to appreciate all his life had brought him. They had made such an effort for him.

He had known there was going to be a party for him. The crew of the Flight Base had told him plainly two months ago that today he would have a birthday party, that everyone he knew was invited and that he wasn't going to be able to get out of it. And it had been a good party. The entire Base crew had been there, most of the Stargate Central Command not on duty, half of the Research Division from Area 51 and even some top people from the Airforce and Home World Defence. He had felt deeply honoured to see them all there and even more so by the truly unexpected promotion.

General Wilkins had presented him with his new stars and his new rank and John had almost turned it down in his surprise. He had never wanted such an honour, having been happy with his full Colonel status and command of the US Flight Base of Earth Defence.

Everyone had clapped and cheered as the stars had been pinned to his shoulders. He had shaken hands and smiled, made a short speech – thick on jokes and thin on emotion. He had played the role of the happy new General John Sheppard. And the hours had passed and people had left and he had been left with the last block of the massive birthday/congratulations cake.

Sitting alone now in his office he regarded the cake once again, wondering whether eating more of it might yet cheer him up. But, perhaps that would only be another distraction technique, one among many it seemed these days, to avoid returning home. The paperwork was all done, the night crew were all on duty with little trouble expected and there was nothing more for John to do but go home.

Home was a nearby small empty house. He had realised some time ago that if one fateful day the house burnt down whilst he was out, that he would lose nothing of value to him. The few things he treasured he carried with him; his wings, his friendships and hidden away inside his wallet the tiny dog-eared photo of Teyla and baby Torren.

The new stars on his jacket's shoulders glittered as he pulled off his uniform jacket, and he rubbed aged fingers over the sparkling new shine of the metal. It was official; he was a military career man. He had dedicated his life to the Airforce and these past twenty years following the evacuation from Atlantis he had thrown himself into his work.

His eyes moved to the windowsill across the office on which sat his collection of framed photos. He was only in two of them; at his brother's wedding and at Rodney's wedding. The rest of the large collection of photo frames held images from his friends' lives. There was nothing in his own life but his career.

General Wilkins' speech at the party had listed John's accomplishments over the years, but all John had heard was what had been missing. And the shock of his promotion, after all he had almost been fired twice before: the first time after Afghanistan and the second after they had left Atlantis. He had fought tooth and nail to go back to Pegasus, then he had begged and pleaded, but the IOA had seen no benefit to the expense as there was nothing left back there for them. John had tried every argument he could think of, except of course the real truth that the woman he loved was back there. Instead he had tried everything else, even falling back on the fact that Ronon needed to be returned to his home galaxy, as he hadn't thought 'the woman I love is back there' would have worked. The IOA hadn't been convinced. It had been inevitable of course, even Ronon had seen that eventually having headed off world to explore the Milky Way and John had lost his last excuse. That realisation had almost broken John and he had reacted badly. He had been put on forced leave for a month to 'think things over'. During that time he had cooled off somewhat and had arrived at the painful conclusion that he was going to have to play the waiting game. He had to hope that one day the opportunity would arrive which would allow him to return to Pegasus.

He had returned to work in the SGC with renewed conviction and had worked every hour he could there. Over the next two years he had received commendations for his part in the SGC, but gradually his heart had gone out of going off world. He missed flying and it had always been a solace for him in the past. So he had requested a transfer to the newly established US Flight Base of Earth Defence. Along with Rodney he had been promoting the creation of a new ship; one which melded Ancient Jumper technology with Asgaard and Earth F302s. He had presented his idea to the Base Commander and had been given permission to work with Rodney on the new ship's design and testing.

It had taken five years, but the new gate jumping GSHD ships had been put into service. The 'Gate Ship with Hyperdrive' capacity could be launched from anywhere and used small power sources that did not require regular fuel. They were also a joy to fly in John's opinion. He had been the first pilot to fly every test ship and had even recently been gifted his own personal GSHD version six, fitted with the new neural interface technology prototype, installed by Rodney as a personal gift. Of course that was mostly so that John would test the technology as much as possible as the neural interface was still the latest technology and it didn't always work, but it was still John's favourite toy.

He, Rodney and his team had received a Presidential commendation for the original GSHDs. John had pushed for the name to be changed, but the flight crews had begun to call them Gate Ships, much to John's annoyance and Rodney's glee. Not that they were sent through the Gates that often nowadays, be it through the SGC gate or the second gate in orbit around Mars. The hyperdrives were pretty small and couldn't jump all that far, certainly not across the deep wide space between the Milky Way and Pegasus, but John had still thought about it. More times than he could remember during runs up to the Mars gate he would always feel that urging temptation to at least try and see how many jumps he could make across that void towards Pegasus. Of course the power source and his air supply would have long run out, but he had still calculated how long and how many jumps it would take. That the temptation had been there had been somehow comforting in those silent times sat alone in the Gate Ship flying away from his home planet and off into yet another battle.

He set aside his jacket and pulled out his wallet, sliding out the small photo of Teyla and Torren. He tried not to look at it too often as the pain, even after so many years, was still very strong. He knew it was unhealthy to dwell on them so much. He loved his career and his friendships. He had even managed a long term relationship with a woman from Home World Defence. She had been a wonderful woman, but as busy as he had been. The relationship had lasted six years mostly due to the face that they had only seen each other once or twice a week at the most. Eventually they had faced the fact that all they got from the relationship had been physical gratification and someone to talk to about their work; and that was it. They had mutually called an end to it all. John hadn't been with anyone else since and had found his mind once again shifting back to Teyla, not that she had ever faded from his thoughts. And he didn't even know if she was still alive.

There had been no time to tell her of the evacuation of Atlantis. Atlantis had been attacked by the last surviving Wraith following the massive attack Atlantis had sent against the remaining Hives along with the assistance of several other powerful space faring races. The Wraith sabotage to Atlantis had been skilful and complete, and the bomb had been impossible to deactivate. Rodney had tried of course, up until the every last second, but the Wraith code had been too complex and the countdown too short. At least everyone had been evacuated in time, only just though. Of course Rodney had blamed himself for a long time afterwards and John had tried hard not to let his own depression fuel his friend's self blame.

John turned to the photo of Rodney on his wedding day and then to the smaller picture beside it of Rodney with his then newly born son. It was still odd to think of Rodney as a father. Angus was now a freckled fifteen year old boy, whose mind worked as fast as his father's. John liked the kid, but he often reminded John of Torren and therefore of Teyla. God, his life left like a broken record! Well, something was broken that was for sure.

A sharp knock at his office door brought his attention back to the here and now. He swung his chair round to face the door as he pulled his jacket back on and along with it his work face.

"Come," he called out as he pushed the last of the birthday cake aside.

The door opened to the smiling face of General Wilkins.

John moved to stand up, but the General waved him down.

"Down, John," he said as he closed the door behind him.

"Sorry, Bill. It's been a strange day," John replied as he waved the man towards the chair opposite.

Bill Wilkins sat and unbuttoned his jacket, indicating the lack of formality of the visit which allowed John to relax somewhat.

"Congratulations once again, John."

"Thanks. I didn't see it coming, I can tell you."

Bill smiled widely again. "No, didn't think you would. You should know the President almost came to the party."

"What? Why?" John asked, his eyes sliding to the official congratulatory card from the President's desk that had accompanied the new stars.

"She's always been a fan of yours, you know that, John."

"I bet she had some votes against my promotion though," John added feeling a little embarrassed at the continuation of the day's admiration.

"I think there was one vote again you and that was from Research and Development, who would prefer you work with them some more. I think they wanted to discourage you from staying here."

John shook his head. When had he become Mr Popularity? He remembered the days when he had been shunned and kicked out to Antarctica. The changes over the past twenty years to world government and the military had placed him in a position of power and respect, rather than as someone to yell at. It was still a little strange for John, but then he had made himself a military career man.

"Did you like your cake?" Bill asked.

John frowned down at the remains on his desk. "Sure, I like the piping in the shape of a Gate Ship."

"It didn't have any candles though," Bill added.

"Well, we wouldn't want to set off the smoke detectors would we," John joked, a little surprised at the conversation.

"True," Bill smiled his infectious smile again. "But, that means you didn't get a birthday wish."

John raised his eyebrows at the man. "I guess not. I never really believed in birthday wishes."

"Maybe it's time to start," Bill replied. "The President and the Head of Home World Defence want to show their appreciation for all your hard work over the years."

"Isn't that what the promotion was for?"

"That as well."

John smiled and interlinked his fingers over his still toned stomach. His daily workout had become another distraction technique. "Which means they want something from me."

"I couldn't really say, John," Bill replied innocently.

"Would you have any ideas?"

"I wouldn't, but I might have heard certain…rumours about a new Research and Development project that may require certain individuals such as yourself."

"They want the neural interface don't they?" John surmised. His and Rodney's little pet project of getting an Earth neural interface working had resulted in only two versions; the one in Rodney's lab and the one fitted in John's personal Gate Ship. And since Rodney no longer worked for the military, only consulted for them, his prototypes were not US property.

"I may have heard something along those lines, but I really couldn't say."

"Well, that's Rodney's baby, not mine. I just got a prototype as a friendly gift."

Bill chuckled. "Surely you can see that a man in your position has connections the R&D people would like to employ. Just look at your friends; Doctor Zelenka is the head of Area 51, Colonel Lorne is team leader in the SGC and Doctor McKay consults regularly for R&D and owns the most successful Tech Research company. You're the commander of this continent's primary Flight Base and you have the most powerful Ancient gene that Doctor McKay's prototypes work with. So, yes, they want to butter you up some, so to speak."

John hadn't really thought about it that way. His friends were just that; his friends. Sure, they were all now big wigs, but he still thought of them as people he had gotten drunk with at the Christmas party.

"So, the powers that be want to offer me a birthday wish to persuade me to cooperate? What kind of wish are we talking about?"

Bill settled further back in his chair, his hands linked over his wide middle. "What do you want?"

"What can I have?" John pushed, but the wish was already on his tongue.

Bill studied him thoughtfully for a long moment before he grinned. "How about a one time _science_ expedition to the Pegasus Galaxy to gather Ancient tech we could use for this new research project?"

John almost stopped breathing. It had taken twenty years and he had almost given up hope, but it was finally here. His opportunity was knocking.

"Of course you would want to command such a momentous trip yourself, given your history and experience in that galaxy," Bill continued.

"That sounds like the kind of wish I would want to make," John replied, his voice slightly husky. "You want me to blow out a few candles to make it official?"

Bill continued grinning as he began to climb to his feet. "I'll leave that up to you. I will convey your request to the President along with your interest in the new R&D project."

John stood, moving around his desk to walk to the office door with Bill. He pulled open the plain wooden door for his friend. "Thank you, Bill," John said earnestly. Bill nodded, one hand dropping briefly on John's arm before he disappeared down the corridor.

John closed the door slowly, the reality slowly closing in. He was going back to Pegasus. Plans began to circle his mind. He would call Rodney now; he would definitely want to come along. And John would need to get hold of Ronon, wherever he was at the moment. Wow, it was really going to happen.

He headed back to his desk chair and reached towards his phone, eager to call Rodney, only to notice that he had left the small photo of Teyla and Torren on his desk. He picked it up and stared down at the worn image. Would she still be alive? Torren would be twenty two by now; a grown man. John tried vainly to imagine how the boy would look now from the picture in his hand. Would Torren still be with Teyla or maybe he had left the Athosians? Had she? Maybe she had married and moved away from them? If the Athosians still existed.

Too many questions, but now, finally, he would get some answers.

----------  
TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: **This fic continues for all those who sent their requests that I continue this story. Thank you all for your pushing, but this chapter is especially for Camy who needs a new chapter right about now.

-------

After all these years and the advances of technology the vibration through the deck plates was still obvious to John as he sat at his tiny desk. Through the soles of his military issue boots he could feel the subtle pulsation of the hyperdrive engine. Perhaps it was the recent years spent flying one person Gate Ships, practically sitting on top of a hyperdrive, that made him more aware of the physical tremor of travelling through the spiralling tunnel of hyperspace. The constant presence of the vibration had been comforting in a way through this trip back to Pegasus – finally he was headed back. Today however that vibration seemed louder and harsher than ever before, for though he appeared to be working on his never-ending sea of paperwork logged in his tiny little laptop, a part of him was steadfastly focused on the sensation that told him that they were still in hyperspace. Today they would be arriving at the coordinates for the New Athos, which had been the last known home of the Athosians. When that vibration beneath his boots stopped it would mean that they had arrived. It was crazy really because he knew a crewman would call him ahead of time as John had requested, but John couldn't stop himself waiting for the vibration to stop. He wasn't sure if that was from worry at possibly being stopped before he reached New Athos or that he was worried about actually arriving.

"Bridge to General Sheppard," a tense voice called over the ship's intercom.

Anxiety and excitement warred harshly in his chest as John looked up towards the ceiling. "Sheppard here," he replied to the empty air and he heard the click of the intercom recognising his response and opening the channel to the Bridge.

"We are expected to arrive at the target coordinates in twenty minutes from now, Sir," the disembodied voice informed him. John could almost see the tense shoulders, ramrod straight spine and worried expression of the crewman.

"Understood. I'm on way to the Bridge," John replied. "Sheppard out." The intercom clicked again at the recognised phrase and there was once again dead air in the small quarters, but John's body and mind were far from feeling dead.

He took his time closing down the laptop, making himself slow down from the mad dash he wanted to make up to the Bridge. It didn't look good for a General to rush onto the Bridge all overcome with excitement and tension. Of course his attempts to calm himself had nothing to do with the now wildly circling worries.

He stood up from the small bolted down desk and carried his small laptop over to his bed. The computer slid into the pouch of his bag and he calmly zipped it all closed. He had lived out of that one bag for the past two and a half weeks. The bag held all he really needed – a thick book, his computer with music player, two further changes of clothing and a toiletry bag. Everything else he needed he wore – his tags, wings, weapons and uniform. He had left all his recognisable Earth ID back in his locker in the Flight Control, though he had removed the dog-eared photo and slid it into his breast pocket of his uniform before leaving Earth.

He picked up his jacket and pulled it on as he turned towards the narrow mirror fixed to the wall above a small sink. There were some perks of being a General and one of them was having the most luxurious cabins in the Artemis. Of course even the most luxurious of quarters on the ship was still a tiny room, but at least he had running water and his own bathroom.

He stood before the mirror, but his gaze was directed down towards his hands closing up the buttons and smoothing down his collar. He didn't wear the flight suits that most on the ship wore instead he had remained in his Flight Base uniform – black trousers, dark t-shirt and blue jacket. It was the closest to the old style Stargate uniform that was left on Earth and that was perhaps due to John's influence. Those in his Flight Base liked their uniforms and John chose to dress like them and not wear the uptight, though admittedly smart, official uniform of his station. He adjusted his collar once more and finally looked up at the mirror.

The man who looked back at him was always so much older than he expected. People told him that he looked young for his age, but John saw only the lines and grey streaks in his hair.

He dropped his eyes from his face to his uniform and smoothed it out. Despite the years and experience he still managed to look 'rumpled' as his father had once described him. He didn't usually care too much, except for those nervous times when he had been invited to a Presidential dinner or something. Now his rumpled uniform was as good as he would ever get it, but today it made him feel more nervous for some reason that he didn't look as smart as he could.

He looked back up to his face to his green eyes and finally allowed himself to dwell on the worries. He had no idea how the past twenty years had affected the Athosians. They may be on New Athos as predicted or they may have been once again run off to a new strange world to call home. If they were even still alive. She could be dead.

The pain was tight in his chest at the thought. It wasn't like it was a new fear – he had lived with the not knowing for a long time, but now he would have his answer and it felt even more terrifying for some reason. His heart felt like it would break open with the dread, pain, excitement and the most painful of all: hope.

Besides the fears over her and Torren's survival there had been the other considerations –she could have moved on happily with her life. She may have gone back to Kanaan, or if not to him then some other lucky guy would have turned up eventually. John may have ever stopped thinking of her all these years, dwelling unhealthily in the past, but Teyla wasn't like that – she coped and she moved on. She could have had a dozen more kids and have lived a fantastic life. She might have grandkids running around her contented home and she may simply be 'happy to see him again'. He wanted to hear that she was happy, that she had lived a wonderful past twenty years, but another lonely lost side of him self wished that she had missed him as he had missed her. That the powerful emptiness inside him that he imagined had linked him to her all these years was inside her as well. Did that make him a horrible human being?

With that last thought he clamped his worries shut, or as shut as he ever could. He rolled back his shoulders and returned his attention to his face. He watched his expression change in the mirror, idly fascinated to see the very physical change to his features as he pulled his 'work face' into place. The man who stared back at him was a General, despite the absurdity of it to him, and the stars glittered on his shoulders as he turned from the mirror. One more deep breath and he was opening the door to exit his quarters. The door slid aside with the smooth efficiently of modern Earth technology and he stepped out into the corridor of the Artemis.

As he strode calmly down the corridor the weight of the small worn photo in his breast pocket seemed to rest against his chest with a pressure that seemed absurd.

-------

The swirls outside the portholes of the Artemis' Bridge were pretty enough to Ronon as he looked out, waiting patiently for the time when it would all collapse and real space would be visible again. Patience was something that he had developed over the past decades and yet it still felt rather alien to him. In his younger days he would have been pacing the Bridge, or at least shifting from one leg to the other as he attempted to hide the impatience in his soul that seemed to have existed ever since the day Sateda had burned.

But things had changed. Many years spent exploring and discovering the many planets of the Milky Way galaxy had filled that hunger to keep moving, and over time part of him had felt…satisfied eventually. It was true that despite those travels there was little in his life to show, but that had never really meant all that much to him.

Ronon turned his head slightly and Rodney's reflection came into view in one porthole. It had been difficult for McKay to leave Earth, for his wife and son were back there. The years had calmed Ronon's friend a little, though those first years following Angus' birth had been more of a set back, but now the boy had grown up enough that Rodney felt less like the failing parent he had once confessed to Ronon that he felt. Ronon had teased his friend endlessly after that, along with John, but finally he had told Rodney the truth – that he was a good father. And the man was, of a sort. He clearly loved his son and did all he could to try and be the best he could be for his son. Being away from the boy and his wife had taken a clear emotional toil on Rodney, but he had wanted to visit Pegasus one last time. Like John and Ronon, Rodney needed to come back here, even if it was to 'put demons to rest'.

Ronon turned his gaze away from Rodney's fluttering around the Bridge behind him and focused once again on the bluish swirls outside. Pegasus. It was Ronon's home galaxy, but strangely it didn't really feel that way anymore. Though he had been offered this trip as a way to return to Pegasus if he wished, Ronon knew he would not be staying. Though he did not have much back in the Milky Way, there was still enough there for him to return. Being away had made that very clear for him.

Her image came to mind as he stared outside. He missed her more than he would have thought, but there she was – on his mind. She had been born a Jaffa, but had been part of the resistance against her people's former 'Gods'. Ronon had met her in his travels some ten years ago and through those years they had crossed paths more and more frequently, until the time he had realised that he had been making excuses to see her. She had returned his advances and he spent a considerable amount of his time now with her on her people's new home world. When he had told her of this trip she had wished him well and had told him plainly that should he chose to return she would wait for him. He had told her he would return, but could not say how long he would be away.

Now away from her it was even clearer to him that he would return to her side as quickly as possible and that finally it was time to solidify their relationship. Nothing had made that as clear to him as watching John over these past weeks on this trip. Ronon was never one for emotional observation or internalising, but it was clear even to him that John had never quite gotten over leaving Pegasus. Sure some of that was due to the way it had ended with the destruction of Atlantis, but most of it had been due to leaving Teyla behind. John had fought to return here for years, trying not to show just how much he wanted it, just how much he needed to come back here. Ronon was a believer in moving on with your life, but he knew that there were some things that a person just could never move past.

Ronon heard the boot steps arriving down the corridor that heralded John's approach. John knew how to walk quietly for what he hadn't learnt himself Ronon had perfected with him. John walked just loudly enough to make sure that everyone on the Bridge knew he was coming. Ronon listened to the drop of whispering and the sudden air of forced efficiently on the Bridge, despite the fact that the Artemis had the most skilled crew of any in the Earth fleet.

Ronon turned to look round at John as he entered. Though John didn't really enjoy the mantle of command all that much he still wore it well in Ronon's opinion. John was a General who commanded respect, but only so much that was necessary. What made most of those on the Bridge nervous was his reputation, not so much the man and John knew that. Ronon would never have thought John would one day consider those kinds of things, but then 'everyone grows up eventually' had been John's response. Still, Ronon saw easily through the mask of The General to the laid back man beneath. Though, in truth John hadn't been all that laid back for the last twenty years and today the mask of command seemed even more forced and brittle to Ronon's eyes.

John nodded to him briefly. Ronon held his friend's gaze just long enough to make sure he understood. Ronon didn't need to say anything more. John knew Ronon was here for him.

Ronon turned back to the blue of hyperspace and was surprised at the twinge of pain in his chest. He had seen the brittle fear in John's eyes mixed with cautious hope. Ronon felt it too, but that was likely to be only a pinch compared to what John was feeling. Ronon did not envy him.

"We will reach the target coordinates in ten seconds, Sir," someone reported.

Ronon kept his eyes forward waiting for the moment when he would see his home galaxy's stars once again. In a few minutes they would find out the answers to some long held questions. In a few minutes John's life could be made or broken completely. Ronon squared his shoulders as if he could somehow bear some of that burden for his friend.

"Exiting hyperspace."

The blue swirling tunnel flickered and died away instantly and the glorious blackness of empty space appeared ahead. Ronon smiled at the sight, at the sparkling distant stars and at the planet set just to the left. It was time.

-------  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

------

The afternoon sunshine was a gentle pleasant warmth over Junior's shoulders as he idly redrew an angle in his design. He tilted his head at the changes he had sketched, comparing it to the image in his mind. He had seen a water pump system like this on another world and had been allowed to talk with the engineer who had fashioned it. It had fascinated him as he had wandered along behind the engineer as the woman described the working mechanics of the pump. Korlan had accompanied Junior on that visit and he teased Junior relentlessly afterwards that he had been so fascinated with the engineering and had completely ignored the engineer herself. Junior had noticed her beauty of course, but it had been her skills and her work that had pulled his focus. Besides, Korlan had enjoyed himself following along behind them, his focus purely on the engineer.

Junior looked up from his sketch and back over his shoulder towards his younger brother, who had paused from his wood chopping to chat with Asthra. She was a beautiful woman closer to Torren's age than Korlan's, but that didn't stop Korlan from flirting with her. Junior smiled as he saw Torren frowning in the distance at Korlan and Asthra. Torren had such a crush on her it was ridiculous. Junior shook his head in amusement and turned back to his work. He had completed all his chores for the day and had worked on the irrigation system this morning, where mother still worked now. The afternoon was his to do with as he chose so he sat here under the swaying canopy of a tree, the sun warming his back as he wandered in the landscape of his mind.

He squinted down at his designs and used his thumb to rub out the new angled strut he had added. Without really understanding how he knew he understood that the design would need more – the angle wasn't enough and needed to be further supported. Already his thoughts shifted as he redesigned it his him mind, reconfiguring how big each strut would have to be and how much force it could apply and take. Many said he was gifted in his ability to understand these things without even having to build them first, but he was simply surprised that other people did not think like he did.

He had always been fascinated by the idea of creating machines and devices like those that had been in Atlantis or from Earth. Mother told him many stories of the technology she had been able to use in the city of the Ancestors, and she had always collected any interesting pieces of alien technology from off world for him to tinker with, even if it were broken for then he could try to imagine what it had once been. Now he was older he sought out those things himself. He had amassed a large number of items, though most usually were incorporated into new designs of his own, but it was his small collection of random pieces of Ancestor technology that most fascinated him. He had found them over the years from various markets or even found buried in the ground of another world. Most of them he had no idea what their purpose was, but he would take them apart, sketch their design and put them back together very carefully. A couple of the pieces had activated as soon as he had touched them, but he had been none the wiser as to their function. Other than that one item which seemed to be able to draw several different species of the local wildlife to the device. Junior had tried out all of the frequencies on the device for many days, noting down each time which animal or bird would appear out of the trees towards the device. He always made sure to leave food out for them. Well, except for that snake like creature one frequency had attracted. Korlan hadn't stopped laughing for days when Junior had had to ask Mother to wade into the creatures to turn off the device. He had grown up since then of course.

A small shudder ran down his back at the memory of all those creepy creatures and returned his attention to the new pump design in front of him. He had purchased the book of blank paper from a trading partner. Mother had told him that those from Earth had kept all their notes and ideas on computer machines. Junior wished he had something like that and he had seen several examples from other cultures, but they were all clearly less advanced than those that were used on Earth. Mother had told him that all of his drawings put together would easily fit into one computer machine from Earth. Junior found that fascinating, but also confusing, because he had a lot of drawings. In fact he had had to construct new pieces of furniture just to hold them. He liked making furniture as well, because it was enjoyable to turn all those angles and shapes in his drawings into physical useful objects. The pump in front of him was far too big to ever be useful to the camp, but Junior drew and designed it anyway. Many of his ideas were 'far fetched' and not really all that useful, but he drew them away and kept them. Mother had told him that his father had been highly skilled at working numbers and Junior often wondered if he was the same, that perhaps his engineering ideas were an extension of his father's skill past onto him.

The sigh passed his lips before he could check it. He didn't like to let himself get like this - to wander into the unknown and wishes. Torren told him that he needed to focus on the present and the future he wished to create, but Junior found his mind constantly turning back towards Mother's stories. In his mind he had imagined walking the hallways of the lost city of the Ancestors. He had spent almost an entire year when he was younger trying to map out the ancient city that Mother had always described. He had pestered Mother for many days asking her to describe areas of the city and to precisely recall the details of the rooms. He had wanted to get it all correct - for he felt that it might be all that would be left of the mighty city.

In his head he had created the plans into full images and he imagined himself wandering those hallways at night when he could not sleep. He would lie awake and imagine what it must have been like to be surrounded by a vast ocean. Occasionally he had trekked out to the closest coast with his brothers, the three of them enjoying the 'camping trip' as Mother said Junior's father would have called it. Junior always enjoyed the trips with his brothers, but he especially enjoyed two things about them. First that he could stand by the ocean and feel what it must have been like living on Atlantis living with the constant presence of the breeze off the ocean. Mother had loved living there and had said that Junior's father had loved it as well. She told Junior that she had spent many hours on the city's balconies with her friends and with his father.

The other reason Junior liked the trips away from the camp was that he would always be allowed to carry an Earth weapon with him. The weapons were only used for protection and the camp had managed to only use them rarely. Before Atlantis had been destroyed the weapons caches had been well stocked, which had been important to his father apparently. Mother had taught Junior and his brothers out to handle the weapons from an early age and had impressed upon them how dangerous the weapons were. Junior was a good shot with the weapons, though practice had been very limited in order to ration the bullets. Junior liked using Earth technology. Mother had shown him how to take apart the guns and put them back together. He had drawn out detailed sketches of the weapons and he suspected that they could be replicated with the right metal forging skills and tools. But, he wasn't really all that interested in the fact that they were weapons, instead it was the knowledge that his father had perhaps held them. That through handling the weapons Junior was connected in some small tiny way to his father and with his lost heritage of that alien world named Earth.

Junior often imagined what Earth was like. Mother had only visited the planet a handful of times and had only once been out of the military base that had housed the Earth Gate. She had told Junior what little she could, though she had one book which had pictures from Earth in it. Father had given it to her and he had even written in the front of it. It held pictures of different types of Earth flying machines, almost all of which father had been able to fly himself. Junior had looked through the book more times than he could ever count and he had copied the pictures, trying to imagine how the machines were put together on the inside. But, it was mainly the brief scribbled words in the front that he liked to look at. Mother had taught Junior and his brothers the Earth written language and so Junior could read his father's message. Father had written Mother's name then 'one day' and then he had signed it clearly with his name and several x's beneath it, which symbolised kisses in Earth writing. Junior had looked at that message so often that he could picture it anytime precisely in his mind's eye. The writing was carefully written he thought, as if his father had wanted to make sure it was clear. Junior liked that it said 'Love John'. He liked to see that - to know that his father loved Mother.

Mother had only two actual pictures of Father and she had given one to Junior. It was a treasured possession of Junior's that he kept in a special box with a few other Earth items he had found over the years. The picture was of Father with Uncle Rodney and Uncle Ronon, standing with Mother. Mother told him stories about his 'uncles' as well and Torren remembered them a little from his childhood. Torren also remembered Junior's father, but Junior didn't like to push his brother about any details, thinking it might be odd considering their differing fathers. Torren liked to look at the picture as well though because he was pictured in it as a small child. Mother was holding Torren in one arm as the three men stood around her all smiling at the 'camera' device that had taken the image.

Junior had seen the other photo Mother had of Father, for she let him look at it any time he wished. It was of her with Father, the two of them smiling widely, pressed shoulder to shoulder. They looked happy in the picture though Junior knew it made Mother sad to look at it. Torren had told him that Mother had not looked at it openly for a long time until several years after Kanaan had passed to the Ancestors. Junior tried not to ask Mother his questions concerning his father when they were around his brothers, not wishing to upset them by making them think that Mother had preferred Junior's father over their own. Though, Junior believed that she had. Junior had once asked Uncle Halling about his father and Kanaan late one night when they had both been out on night watch together. Uncle Halling had replied carefully not really committing to any real answer, but the undertone had been clear for Junior – his Uncle thought the same: that Mother had loved Father more than Kanaan. Junior had never said anything to his brothers about this, and they had never said anything in return.

Their differing fathers had never really made much difference for him and his brothers growing up, for all three of them had for the most part grown up without any father. Though there were members of the camp who had kind of filled in that role, it was still far from the same as having a father around. The three boys had banded together and they had been known as the Emmagan Boys for most of their lives. They had done everything together and they loved each other. But, there were times when Junior could not help but feel different to them.

He glanced back over his shoulder to where Korlan had finished his flirting with Asthra and was back chopping wood. Korlan was good at that job as he had wide powerful shoulders - at least that was his excuse for doing the job shirtless in full view of most of the younger women of the camp. Korlan brought the axe down with a heavy fast blow and cleanly split the log before him.

Korlan and Torren were ridiculously strong and they could communicate with each other without talking out loud. Junior could capture the general feel of their thoughts and emotions when they 'sent' to him, but it was clear that he was not on the precise same frequency of thought as they were. Junior envied them sometimes, but at the end of the day he loved his brothers dearly. Yet, he was different and he felt different. It was almost as if some part of him was somewhere else. He was only half like his brothers when it came down to it and the other half of him he suspected he many never understand. For it was lost dreaming of a lost city, an alien world he would never see and of a father he could only meet through stories of his deeds.

Korlan looked his way as he added a new log to his chopping block. Junior suspected his brother had picked up on his sad reflective mood. Korlan smiled and then tilted his head in Asthra's direction. Junior looked off that way to see that she was talking with Torren. Torren and Asthra had been close friends all their lives, but Torren had yet to actually tell her that he liked her more than as a friend. It was a source of amusement and teasing for both Junior and Korlan. Junior looked back to Korlan with a smile. Korlan rolled his eyes and smiled before he swung the axe again bringing it down with a wood splitting crack.

Junior looked once more towards Asthra who was laughing at something, the sunlight sparkling against her beautiful skin, pretty eyes and lips. Torren needed to made his move soon or some other guy was going to catch her attention. Junior began forming some good teasing comments to use against his brother later. With that he turned back to his sketch and focused once more on his designs.

He had filled a further two pages when he heard the first indication that something was happening across the camp. Raised voices were not that unusual in a camp filled with many chores and woodwork, but it was that there were so many that drew Junior's attention. He looked up from his work, realising how much cooler the sun had become. Korlan was gone, the axe buried into the chopping stump. Junior looked to where Asthra had been sitting with her friends to see that they were looking off across the camp in the direction of the raised voices. It sounded like some people had arrived from the Gate path. It was very common for visitors and traders to arrive in the camp unexpectedly. There were also a growing number of Athosians living off world and they often visited, and were usually greeted with joyful shouting to gather family together. But, there was something different about the voices across the camp that Junior could not identify.

Asker, Asthra's brother, appeared from behind a tent pointing off towards the noise with an expression of surprise. He was gesturing a lot and then he and Asthra both turned to look at Junior. Junior felt a burst of worry at their attention. What was happening? Had something happened to someone? He was up and moving towards them in an instant, tucking his notebook into a pocket of his trousers as he ran jogged towards them.

"What is happening?" He asked worriedly.

"Halling asked me to call you over," Asker told him, but there was something strange to his expression and he was staring funnily, like he was scrutinising Junior's face.

"Is something wrong?" Junior asked.

"No, but…" Asker ran out of words, but he was still pointing off across the camp.

Worried, and a little annoyed at Asker, Junior headed off in the direction indicated. He could see a crowd had gathered at the other end of the camp and Junior could just make out some dark coloured clothes among the group – they did have visitors. Junior slowed slightly as he neared the open area. Members of the camp were all crowded around the group tightly, though he could see they were smiling widely and he could make out Korlan's back disappearing into the centre of the crowd.

"What is it?" Junior called to them as he neared the outer edge of the group. The visitors were collected together in the centre of the crowd and he saw Torren hugging someone. That was strange because Junior had never seen Torren hug anyone other than family. Junior strained to see the newcomers' faces, but there was too much movement ahead of him. He moved towards Korlan who seemed to have space around him. Torren had stopped hugging whoever it was and was turning towards Korlan.

"This is my youngest brother, Korlan." Junior saw Korlan reaching forward with one hand. It was the Earth greeting Mother had told them about. A strange thought entered Junior's mind at that, and his gaze turned to the first visitor he could finally see clearly through the crowd. The clothes were dark and cut in a familiar way. Junior didn't recognise the man, but the man stared back at him with wide surprised eyes.

Then Torren looked round drawing Junior's attention to him. Torren reached for Junior through their people and space seemed to magically open up in the crowd around Junior as he stepped towards his brother. Torren's hand landed on Junior's shoulder, gently pulling him forward. Korlan had stepped back allowing Junior to see more visitors' faces and suddenly he knew what he had suspected was true. These men were from Earth and even more shockingly he recognised two faces - one tall man who was staring at him and another shorter man with a very shocked expression on his face.

"And this is my middle brother," Torren was saying as he guided Junior forward. Junior was so glad for the warm weight of his older brother's hand on his shoulder. Junior stepped up beside his brother and suddenly the man who had been standing directly in front of Torren came into view. "His name is John. But we call him Junior."

Junior stared at the man before him and his breath was stolen from his lungs.

Junior did not need to have a photo of his father to recognise the man in front of him, for there were elements of his own features staring back at him. Junior's heart hammered in his chest and he would have said something but he was completely incapable. Everything around him faded away but for the man in front of him, and the gentle reassuring squeeze of his brother's hand on his shoulder.

It was as if nothing else existed around them as Junior met his father.

Junior became aware of people talking around him, though the voices were soft and there was laughter, and he realised that his mouth was hanging open, but that was alright because his father looked just as shocked. That seemed to help and brought the world back into focus for Junior. He worked to gather himself. This was his real Father and he really should say something smart and worthy-like. For what if his father didn't like him?

"Hello," was all he could manage and it sounded really weak.

---------------  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter:** 4

**Note:** Thank you all for your reviews and comments [and death threats ;)], I haven't had much time on line this week so I'm sorry for not being able to thank each of you. But, as a joint thank you here is the next chapter. Enjoy

------

The strange sensation of the transporter faded from John's body, and he took a breath of the planet's fresh clean air. The tastes and smells of New Athos flowed into his senses. It had been twenty years, but somehow the smell of the place was instantly recognisable. Teyla had told him that it was due to the flowers that bloomed almost all year round on a nearby hilltop. They had trekked up there once and had wandered hand in hand through the vast hilltop of swaying purple flowers. He turned automatically in the direction of that distant hilltop, but the forest around the Gate had matured and now blocked out almost all of the view of the surrounding landscape.

"It's changed a lot," Rodney said quietly from John's right.

"It's been a long time, McKay," Ronon replied as he passed John.

John nodded silently as he turned, taking in the new vegetation around the open space of the gate. He and Teyla had talked about constructing a screen of vegetation around the Gate as a means of defence, and there is was – now a fully grown well tended boundary of small trees and shrubs that concealed the forest behind it. It was pleasing to see the change, but it also once again made the passage of time unavoidable. It had been a very long time.

What were also new were the well laid paths leading away from the Gate. They too looked well constructed and tended. John moved towards one path without thinking. This had been the route to the old Athosian camp, and though they had detected a large camp in this direction it was not in exactly the same location as the old Athosian camp. Presumably the Athosians had simply moved the camp, after all twenty years was a long time to remain in one place, especially for Teyla's people.

John stepped onto the path, noting the well worn edges to the stones under his feet. The last time he had been here there had been only a dirt track leading away from the Gate. He had walked that track many times all those years ago. Many of those times it had just been himself, or Teyla at his side, but now he was followed by Ronon, Rodney and a small team from the Artemis. The Artemis' commander had not been keen on John transporting down alone with his two friends. He had a point, for they didn't really know if those living in the camp were Athosians. This was why John had decided to transport down to the planet by the Gate, as it was never good manners to simply materialise in a village. If they ran into any sentries around the camp on the way then they would simply look like people arriving through the Gate for trade.

Of course John knew the other reason why the Artemis' commander had insisted on a small team to accompany John, and it was a position John had been in himself in the past. You did not want to be the commander in charge who lost a famous General. Famous! It still seemed ridiculous to John that he was a well known name to anyone working in Earth defence.

He smiled to himself as he brushed aside a small branch that was valiantly trying to reach across the path towards a large patch of afternoon sunlight. Though what was to soon follow was filling him with both heightened anticipation and fear, he actually felt more relaxed down here. This was what he was really about – not stuck on a ship in hyperspace for weeks on end. Finally he could act, he could find out the truth to long held questions that had plagued him for so long. Though his heart was racing in his chest he felt the first touches of pleasure – for that familiar smell in the air calmed him somewhat.

The path ended when it reached the edge of a opening in the trees. John was pleased to see that the path didn't lead directly to the camp, because that would be dangerous. Rodney stepped up next to John, and there were the tell tale quiet bleeps of the latest in Earth life signs detectors as Rodney scanned the area.

"That way," Rodney reported as he pointed off across the glen.

John strode out into the knee-high shrubbery that had bloomed across the space. He realised that the team were silent behind him, which was especially weird considering Rodney was part of the team.

John looked round at his friend. "You're quiet, McKay," John said, purposefully using Rodney's surname.

Rodney glanced back down at his detector. "I'm just hoping we find Athosians in that camp, or we could be in a lot of trouble."

"Relax, Rodney. It'll be fine."

"You always say that," Rodney mumbled.

John frowned over his shoulder again. He knew Rodney was missing his family, but he tended to get more talkative rather than quiet when he was down. Ronon looked away from the surrounding trees to meet John's frown.

"It's Angus' birthday today," Ronon reported.

John winced at his forgetfulness. Being stuck on the Artemis with his circling worries and fears had made him lose track of everything except his own little world.

"Sorry, Rodney I didn't realise what day it was," John said back as apologetically as he could. Truthfully he wasn't actually too sure what month it was either. Travelling through hyperspace made the 'real world' seem so much more distant, especially when you were so self involved as John had been lately.

They had reached the edge of the glen and were once again heading into the trees. John could see the faint hints of a well walked track through the ferns ahead of them and began following it even before Rodney pointed out the right direction.

"Hey, besides you left him one hell of a birthday present, remember," John pointed out to Rodney.

Ronon chuckled from behind, though most of his attention was on watching the surroundings.

"He better take good care of it," Rodney muttered.

John smiled as he pushed aside another branch. "What teenager wouldn't be happy with a new car for his sixteenth?"

"It's not new, I got it from Sergeant Myer," Rodney replied. "Like I would give him a new car at sixteen," Rodney muttered. "It better still be in one piece when we get back."

"He'll probably have improved it long before then, McKay," Ronon replied with an amused tone. John wondered why he and Ronon so loved winding Rodney up, after all these years you would have thought it would have gotten old. It hadn't.

"You think he'll mess with the engine?" Rodney asked worriedly as he turned to Ronon, almost falling over a log as he did.

John smiled at Rodney's awkwardness – it had been a long time since the guy had been in the field, and even when he had been in an off world team regularly he had never quite gotten used to it. John felt a strange sense of déjà vu looking back at his two friends as they walked through a relatively unknown alien forest. It was almost like the old days, and perhaps in a few minutes 'The Team' would be reunited again. John swallowed at the rush of emotion that he had been able to suppress up till now, and he refocused on teasing Rodney as a distraction.

Ronon was still smiling as he gave Rodney a 'you should know better' look. John noticed that the Artemis team behind Ronon were trying not to smile.

"Would you have done that when you were his age?" Ronon asked. Angus had inherited his father's fast, technical mind, and perhaps would turn out to be an even greater genius than Rodney. It was very common to visit Rodney's home and find various innocent household alliances had been dissected and then reconstructed into a 'more advanced' toaster or whatever. Rodney had been a well known face to the fire department when Agnus had been younger.

John watched Rodney's face pale as he no doubt imagined the 'new' car spread out in his garage and then perhaps the possible creature Angus would create from the pieces. "Oh, no."

John tried not to smile so much as he offered "He'll be okay, Rodney. He knows what he's doing." But Rodney only looked more worried. "He'll be fine," John said encouragingly.

The path was now winding through another large glen, the shrubs around John's legs were lush and vibrant. Excitement was growing inside him, but he tried not to allow it too much rein, because the fear was also there, and pretty soon he would have to commit to one or the other. He really wished his heart would stop hammering.

"He's got a license hasn't he?" Ronon was asking.

"No! I made it clear in the card that he wasn't to even get in the car until I got back," Rodney replied.

"Because he's going to start listening to you now," Ronon added.

"He won't take it out. He knows he isn't qualified," Rodney protested.

"He could drive when he was ten, McKay," Ronon pointed out. That was true enough, because John remembered teaching a young Angus how to drive the small buggy things that Area 51 used to travel around their massive campus.

"This is from the man who took three tries to pass his driving test," Rodney teased back.

Ronon made a huffing sound and John looked back with a smile. "He's got you there, Ronon."

"I was perfectly in control," Ronon argued.

"I'm sure you were," John replied, repeating the conversation the three of them had had thousands of times over the years. "But, nearly giving the examiner a heart attack did not look good."

"He was fine. He shouldn't do that job if he was easily frightened," Ronon muttered. "I got the license eventually."

"Sure, when you found out where the brake was," John replied, looking back over his shoulder with a cheeky smile at his friend. Ronon looked away pointedly, but John could see the amusement there. Sometimes Ronon wasn't that good at taking teasing as well as he gave it out, but he had gotten better.

John turned back to the path leading through the trees as silence fell over the group once again. The distraction and almost forced normalness was over, and suddenly John could not avoid his feelings anymore. He drew in the flower scent that somehow managed to drift on the breeze through the forest. Memories turned in his mind. He had tried not to focus on the details for a long time, but the scent in the air was too powerful. He had visited this planet so many times over that last year he had been in Atlantis. Teyla had been splitting her time between the city and helping to care for those recovering from Michael's experiments. John had visited her as much as he could, even if it was for only an hour or two sometimes. He had also been one of Torren's main baby sitters around that time and John had often walked the small boy through these trees.

He prayed that the camp ahead of him held Athosians, because it if turned out that they were gone or had been lost, John wasn't sure if he could handle it.

"He better not touch that engine," Rodney muttered quietly to himself from behind John. "He promised to leave the new lawn mower alone, so surely he knows not to mess with a car engine."

John smiled to himself at Rodney's mutterings. John would bet a large sum of money on the fact that Angus was guaranteed to mess with the new car – after all it was his. John was pretty sure Angus wouldn't try to take the car out anywhere. He was a smart kid and he had learnt from his mistakes. Such as that time he had attempted to 'improve' Rodney's washing machine – that had not been pretty.

Abruptly John became aware of voices in the distance up ahead. All thoughts of Earth and Rodney's troubles were forgotten. John quickened his pace towards the now growing sounds of a nearby camp.

The track suddenly became a properly constructed path again and stones crunched under his boots. Up ahead he saw two people in a small clearing and they appeared to be stacking up logs. They turned when they heard John's group approaching and one stepped forward onto the path to meet them. The clothing, somehow, was instantly recognisable to John as Athosian. Something eased in his chest at that.

"Good afternoon," John greeted them formally as he approached.

"Greetings," the man replied, his smile polite, but cautious. "Are you here to trade?"

John opened his mouth to answer as he reached the man, but the other man stepped forward.

"Colonel Sheppard?!" The man exclaimed.

John turned to him and smiled. "John Sheppard, yes." Now he was looking at the guy he was definitely familiar, though the face was understandably older.

"Hakon," Ronon greeted the man loudly as he stepped up beside John.

"Ronon!" Hakon said with a smile, reaching towards Ronon's extended arm. The two clasped forearms. "We had thought you all lost!"

Hakon nodded to Rodney and then looked back at John. His gaze was wide as he studied John, and John guessed he must look a lot older than before. Hakon turned to the other man. "Head to the camp, tell them that those from Earth have returned. Hurry."

The other man ran off with a speed that was rather surprising, but John kept smiling as he looked back at Hakon, who was looking at him funnily again.

"We heard Atlantis had been destroyed," Hakon told them. "We prayed that you had all survived."

"Almost all of us," John replied. Though Atlantis had been fully evacuated before the Wraith bomb had blown, there had still been a small number of casualties who the Wraith had gotten. Those few were heroes in John's mind, since they had put up the alarm despite the danger, and if they had not found the Wraith then everyone might have been lost. John still knew all of their names off by heart. They were the unlucky few who missed their chance to return home to Earth, but without their sacrifice no one would have returned.

Hakon turned indicating the path behind him. "Come, you are all most welcome in the camp." Ronon stepped forward ahead of John and fell into step alongside Hakon, who once again glanced over his shoulder at John with that curious look. John began to fear that Hakon knew he was in for some bad news.

Ahead the voices were increasing and abruptly the trees parted and the Athosian camp came into view. This camp looked very well established, with plenty of space between the tents, and clear areas dedicated for woodwork and what looked like a training area. But before all that there was a large open area, through which it appeared the entire camp was hurrying to greet them. Everyone was smiling and shouting greetings as they began to crowd around John's group, but it was the tall man with his arms held wide that drew John's attention.

"Halling," John called to the man, so pleased to see the big guy again.

"Colonel Sheppard," Halling replied as he reached them and his hands landed on John's shoulders with a heavy weight. "Thank the Ancestors!" Halling shook John's shoulders in delight and John grasped the man's upper arms in response. "We had thought you lost all this time!"

The Athosians were a full crowd around them now and John felt the gentle touches of greeting against his arms. He smiled at the faces, recognising some of them, but plenty were new. He looked over the crowd as subtly as he could, but there was no sign of her here.

Halling turned and shouted over the crowd. "Asker, go fetch Torren!"

A young boy nodded. "I will find the brothers," he replied before he turned and ran off through the tents. John saw Halling open his mouth to shout something after the boy, but thought better of it for he turned back to John.

Had the kid said 'brothers'?

"It is so good to see you alive and well," Halling said again as he shook John slightly again.

John desperately wanted to ask about Teyla, but he didn't really want to ask with so much noise and people around him – what if it was bad news? He looked up at Halling's aged eyes, but saw the same strength there from before. A burst of affection went through John. Thank God Halling was alive and well.

"We got back here as soon as we could," John told him, only now having found his voice.

"Did all of your people leave the city before it was destroyed?"

"Yes, just about. How did you hear about it?" John asked as he nodded and smiled to people around him and tried not to make it so clear that he was looking for one face among the many.

"A group of the Travellers visited us. They said they had received a distress signal from Atlantis, but by the time they reached the planet the city had been destroyed. They had thought that you may have reached our camp in time."

John nodded in response. "We would have called you guys, but we didn't have time," John replied.

Halling grinned widely again. "Teyla is going to be so happy to see you."

Relief was such a powerful sensation through John's body that he felt momentarily lightheaded. "She's here?" He asked Halling and he suspected he hadn't been able to hide the desperation in his voice.

"Oh, yes. I am not sure if she is down by the river today…" Halling's words were cut off by the abrupt arrival of Torren through the crowd.

The boy that John had cuddled and helped take his first steps was pushing through the crowd towards him. The boy had become a man, and despite the years and change John knew he would have recognised Torren anywhere.

"Colonel Sheppard! Uncle R…" Torren managed to shout before Ronon stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the young man, lifting him up off the ground. The crowd laughed in delight as the two hugged. Once Ronon had released the man, John stepped forward.

"Torren?" The young man nodded and reached out his hand, but John ignored it and hugged the boy himself. Of all the changes over the past twenty years, nothing was so blatant as the fact that Torren had grown from a toddler to a fully grown man. "Look at you," John exclaimed as he stood back from the boy, the man, before him.

Torren grinned in reply. "Thank the Ancestors you are all alive!"

Rodney rushed past and surprised John by hugging Torren as well. Perhaps it was missing his own son's birthday today, or maybe it was the same overwhelming feeling of affection for the grown boy that made Rodney hug him.

Everyone was talking loudly and laughing again as Rodney stood back from Torren, looking a little embarrassed at himself. John smiled at him.

A younger boy appeared beside Torren, his features far too similar to Torren's to be a coincidence.

"This is my youngest brother, Korlan," Torren introduced the man. So, John had heard Asker correctly – Torren had brothers. John tried not to feel the heaviness in his chest. He looked to the boy, who was staring at John with a shocked expression before he reached out and offered his hand. John smiled at the Earth greeting and clasped the offered hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Korlan," John greeted him.

Korlan smiled, though he was still staring.

Torren had turned and he was talking again. John pulled his attention from the young boy who looked so like both Teyla and Torren.

"And this is my middle brother," Torren was saying as he turned back towards John, pulling another man with him. Okay another brother – John could be happy about Teyla's new family, of course he could.

"His name is John," Torren said. The name was a surprise to John, but not as much as the face that came into view. For a bizarre moment John thought he was looking at himself as a kid. "But we call him Junior."

Everything came into sharp contrast for John. The young man, looking at him with a wide shocked expression, was not quite the same as John had been at that age, but it was close. The man had long hair the exact same colour as John's and their eyes were the same, though Junior's were wider - more like Teyla's.

Oh, my God.

His name was John and they called him Junior.

He had a son.

More emotions than he could ever really process or understand all jumbled together in his chest. He was a father. Teyla had been pregnant! All these years he had had a son and he had missed it all!

"Hello," Junior said with a voice that sounded as emotional as John felt.

The bizarre shocked little world John had been frozen in evaporated, and he was once again aware of all the voices and laughter around him.

"Hi," John replied slowly.

Junior extended his hand, as Korlan had done, towards John.

John looked down at the hand, noticing the strong thick forearm that spoke of his son's strength. John reached forward and clasped his son's hand and the grip was strong, but John could feel the slight tremor of nervousness to the boy's hold.

John had spent many of the past twenty years in the presence of kids, starting with Torren all those years ago and then onto Dave's kids, and all the kids born to ex-members of Atlantis. There was still a yearly get-together to remember the fall of Atlantis and over the decades the number of people attending had grown to include new partners and kids. John knew what it felt like to take care of a kid and to care about them, but the sensation welling up inside him was completely different. He was a father and this was his son.

John released his son's hand slowly and looked up at the green eyes that were a mirror image of his own. He could see the nervousness now, the worry. The new sensation in John desperately wanted to put his son at ease.

"Pleased to meet you, Junior," John said and was finally able to smile.

Junior smiled back, with clear relief.

"I am pleased to meet you as well," Junior replied. The speech was so very Athosian and polite, just like his mother. John was aware that he was staring again, and surely that wouldn't be making Junior feel any better.

"Hi, I'm…" Ronon reached around John, extending his hand towards Junior.

"Uncle Ronon," Junior replied instantly, his nervousness still clear.

"That's me," Ronon replied and it sounded like he was smiling, but John couldn't look away from his son. Junior smiled at Ronon and the smile was shockingly similar to Teyla's. He stood about an inch or so shorter than John, but it was no wonder that the camp members had been staring at John when he had arrived – for there was no doubt that he was Junior's father. John suddenly wondered what that had meant to Junior.

"And Uncle Rodney," Junior was saying to Rodney on John's other side as the two shook hands. "Mother has told us all about you."

"Watch out, McKay," Ronon said with a chuckle. "Teyla's already told them _all_ about you."

John smiled himself at that and managed to look away to Rodney, who was pulling a face back at them. "I'm sure Teyla has been nicer than you two have ever been."

Halling moved back into view. "Junior, where is your mother?"

John's attention went straight back to Halling, the brief respite of humour with his friends forgotten.

"She is working down in the river channels," Junior replied.

"Perhaps you would like to take Colonel Sheppard down there?" Halling suggested.

The desperate need to see Teyla was now even more powerful. Not only did John now know that she was alive and well, but now he knew that they had a son! Of course he didn't know who Korlan's father was and if he was still around, but regardless John would be seeing Teyla again.

Junior looked at John with a hopeful little look on his face. "Would you like to go now?"

"Lead the way," John replied some how stopping himself from shouting 'hell yes'.

Junior smiled, nodded and then turned. The crowd parted and John followed him through the group of Athosians. Okay this was more than a little weird – his son was leading him back to Teyla!

Behind him John heard the crowd talking again, and John glanced back pleased to see that no one else had followed him and Junior. John wanted some time alone with his newly discovered son and to finally be reunited with Teyla in private. Before he turned back, John noticed Ronon and Halling smiling in his direction. John looked away, feeling rather on display, though he knew his friends only wanted the best for him.

Junior had paused, waiting for John. "We can walk down to the river this way," Junior offered as he indicated a path that led away from the camp. "It is a short walk from here."

"Great," John replied as he fell into step alongside Junior. The noise of the camp faded behind them as they followed the path down a slope. John glanced subtly to his side towards Junior, only to find Junior was doing the exact same thing. They shared a quick polite smile and both looked back to the path. The atmosphere was thick with a history unshared. John glanced at Junior again. What did you say to a son you had never known existed until now? Surely this must be weird for Junior as well though.

John cleared his throat, trying desperately to find a way to start talking, but no ideas came to mind. He glanced back up the slope where the tops of the camp tents were disappearing from sight.

"So, you guys moved the camp then?" He asked, and then rolled his eyes at himself – he would have been subtler if he had started to talk about the weather.

"Yes, about five summers ago," Junior replied quickly enough though. His words were slightly hurried which made John wonder if Junior was seeking for conversation material just as desperately. "We are now closer to the fields and the river. It divides further up the hillside and we now use one channel for drinking water and the other for washing and to irrigate the crops."

Okay, John could talk geography and camps.

"There used to be a well in the old camp?"

"Yes, it dried up when I was young," Junior reported eagerly.

The path they were following led around the side of the slope and the wide fields came into view below. They were full with lush, soon to be harvested, crops. John could make out the dark shapes of people working amidst the tall grains and the shorter vegetables.

"Have you always lived in the camp?" John asked, glancing at his son again.

"Yes, my tent is on the far side of the camp. But Mother has always encouraged us to travel to other worlds on trading trips.

"You have your own tent in the camp?" If John remembered correctly, kids were allowed their own tents around about sixteen and Junior had to be about nineteen.

"Yes," Junior replied with a smile. "I live near Torren and Mother, though Korlan is slightly further away in the camp. He says it was because there was not enough room around that part of the camp, but he just wants to be further away."

"He doesn't get on with you guys?"

"We all love each other dearly, but Korlan has only just moved out of Mother's tent and to be honest he prefers to live closer to his friends."

"I can understand that," John replied with a smile. "So, Korlan's about sixteen?"

"Yes, he moved into his new tent several months ago," Junior replied as he indicated to one path in the fork up ahead, and together they took the path leading around the hillside and in the distance John could already hear the sound of running water.

Teyla would be out there somewhere, and very soon John was going to see her again. He wanted to find out about her living situation before he saw her, but he wasn't too sure about asking Junior about that. Junior had said 'Mother's tent', so maybe Korlan's father wasn't around anymore either. John looked at Junior beside him, and decided that perhaps asking honestly would be the best policy here, after all that was the Athosian way.

"I, ah, hope you don't mind me asking," he began. Junior looked round eagerly, clearly willing to answer any of John's questions. "Where is Korlan's father?"

Junior didn't look surprised or uncomfortable at John's question. "Kanaan passed to the Ancestors in Korlan's first year." Okay, that answered many questions for John. So Teyla had gone back to Kanaan. A conflicting sense of feelings warred in John. On one hand he didn't like the fact that Teyla had gone back to the Athosian, but at the same time it was good to know that there wasn't some other guy around. Though, if had been something like fifteen years since Kanaan had died… Junior continued on, unaware of John's inner thoughts. "Mother moved in with Kanaan when I was around two years, and Korlan was born a year later. Most of those who had been altered by the creature Michael did not survive many years longer."

"I'm sorry to hear that," John replied honestly.

"I do not really remember Kanaan that much, though he was always kind to me," Junior replied. John didn't like the idea of Junior feeling different like that when he was a young kid. It was the Athosian way to accept, but surely it must have been weird. Though, if Kanaan had died that long ago, the boys possibly hadn't had a regular father figure around. John knew what it was like to have father issues, and he regretted that he, without intending to, had continued the Sheppard tradition. He looked at his son and needed desperately to mend it somehow, but he never could.

John stopped on the path and turned to his son. "Junior," he began. Junior stopped as well, his wide green eyes looking up at John. John hesitated – how do you say this kind of thing? How would Teyla handle it? She would be honest and forthright and John should really be the same.

"Junior," he began again. "I never knew about you..." he tried.

"I know," Junior replied quickly. "Mother said that she did not discover she was carrying me until after you had been lost."

Okay, that made John feel a little better. "We had talked about starting a family together," John added.

"Mother told me that as well," Junior replied, his gaze straying downwards to the path before them. John watched the boy's nervous expression before he looked back up at John. "She said you would have been happy to have a son," Junior said softly, the need and discomfort painfully clear.

A huge ache opened up in John's chest and he felt the urge to hug Junior, but would that make Junior more uncomfortable? Was it too soon?

"I would have been," John replied quietly. "I am."

Junior looked back up at him again and there was a rather watery smile in reply. John held his gaze a little longer than he normally would, and finally had to look away and blink away the wetness in his own eyes. John swallowed the thick heavy emotions threatening to choke him. He stared off at the nearby tree line into which the path would lead them.

"I'm sorry I wasn't around when you were a kid," John told Junior, and he finally felt strong enough to look back at Junior. "I missed a lot," John said. All those years of longing to be back here – it was almost as if he had known that he had been missing something so important back here.

"I am glad you are here now," Junior replied after a beat and John meet his eyes again. Junior grinned.

John shook his head and smiled back. "You look so like your mother when you smile."

Junior nodded. "People have mentioned that to me before."

John nodded as he turned back to the path ahead of them and they began walking again, but now the tension had lifted considerably. They reached the trees and birdsong danced above them as John looked up at the thin canopy overhead. At least this was a beautiful place for his son to have grown up. He had been surrounded by people who loved him and it sounded like his brothers loved him.

"So they all call you 'Junior' huh?"

Junior nodded. "Everyone says that I remind them of you and Mother chose my name to honour your memory, though she never truly believed that you had been lost with the destruction of Atlantis."

A wave of grief made John look away to the birds overhead again. After a moment he was able to push aside those feelings, for now. "You like being called 'Junior'?"

Junior shrugged. "It has always been my name. I am rarely called John."

John didn't really like the idea of calling his own son 'Junior'. "What does your mom call you?"

"She calls me 'Junior', or sometimes 'John Junior' if she wants my full attention."

John chuckled at that. "You mean when you're in trouble."

John saw the slight reddening to Junior's cheeks. "I try never to upset or disappoint Mother," he said quickly, sounding worried.

John reached out and dropped his hand briefly on Junior's shoulder. "I'm only teasing you." Junior looked round with another one of those hopeful smiles. "Where I come from 'John' is sometimes short for 'Jonathan', and my father would use it a lot when I was in trouble."

"Mother calls Torren by his full name when he was ever in trouble," Junior added with a chuckle of brotherly amusement. "Torren John Emmagan, she would say."

"We used to call him T.J. back in Atlantis," John told him.

"I did not know that," Junior replied.

The path twisted along through the trees and the sound of running water was growing louder.

"John Junior," John pondered the name. He didn't want to call his son 'Junior' really – it made John fell like he was putting down his own son. It reminded him far too much of his own father's attitude. "How would you feel about me calling you J.J?" John asked.

Junior smiled. "I would like that," he replied.

"Unless you prefer Junior?" John added hurriedly.

"No, I would like you to call me J.J," Junior replied.

"Great," John added feeling a little better about it all now.

The trees began to thin out and the slope down towards the fields below became clear. Another few steps and John could see part of the river ahead, where it tumbled down the hillside, twisting and turning forming little pools of reasonably still water. John could see several people around one pool washing clothes and blankets. With one brief look John knew Teyla wasn't among them.

"Mother is working down near the fields, where the irrigation system feeds water to the crops," Junior informed him somehow knowing what John had been thinking.

John nodded and as they reached a rise they could see the path of the river down the hillside, flowing smoothly down to the fields below. John noticed the series of clearly hand cut channels diverting away from the main water course. There were dark spots down there as well, where people were working on the irrigation channels. One of them would be Teyla. His breathing was getting shallower as the twenty year old pain and desire drew closer to resolution.

The path now reached the edge of the river and he and his son turned to follow it down stream, down towards the flatter land below. As they walked they passed close to the washing pool and John saw the stares from those around the water as they watched them pass by. One person in particular waved and John realised it was Jinto. John waved back, but for now he wasn't about to stop to chat. There would be plenty of time to catch up later. John waved again to Jinto before he and Junior disappeared from view. John could see Jinto smiling and shaking his head in amazement before he turned to the others around the pool. One thing was clear – he and Junior would be the talk of the camp tonight.

The river turned in its last leg down towards the fields below and John realised he and Junior had lapsed into silence as they wandered along its edge.

"What would you like me to call you?" Junior asked abruptly.

John looked away from the distance irrigation channels and focused on his son again. "You can call me anything you want."

Junior nodded, but he looked uncomfortable. "Mother told me that where you come from you do not use Mother and Father as names."

"That's usually true in my home country. I always called my father 'Dad', but if you want to call me 'Father' that's okay. Or 'John' if you don't want to," John offered feeling uncomfortable himself now. Did biology make you a dad, or was there more to it?

"Dad," Junior tried out the word. "May I call you that?"

"Of course you can, J.J." John smiled as he replied. Junior smiled back and they wandered on in silence again, but now it was comfortable once more. Wow, he had a kid who was going to call him 'Dad'!

The river levelled out and they reached a small wooden bridge that crossed the first widest diversion channel. John waved Junior before him and as he walked over the well constructed bridge he looked down at the shored up edges of the channel below them. This had all been well thought out and the channel was impeccably clean and well kept – so typically Athosian.

As John stepped off the bridge he looked off towards the fields before him.

"Mother was working at one of the furthest channels," Junior reported. "I think she will probably still be working there."

"Let's start there then," John said with forced confidence, something he was good at anyway. He didn't really want Junior to see how much this was affecting him. The emotion from so many years was seriously threatening its own shored up banks. He strode forward, focusing on the channels around him for distraction. "So the water feeds off to the furthest fields from here?"

"Yes, we use simple hand pumps and some of the crops grow best if the water is allowed to flood over the soil at a constant rate. It works well, but it could be improved," Junior added.

They kept walking, crossing over the channels via small bridges and in some places via simple planks. All the while John asked simple basic questions about the fields and the camp, all to help distract himself from the approaching reunion.

The river flowed slower here, and the fields were giving way to more overgrown vegetation and then another channel came into view.

"She should be down this channel," Junior suggested.

They left the river's edge and turned, following along the small bank of the channel. This channel was wider and shallower than the others, and Junior said it was designed more to control the river's flooding, but John didn't really hear what he said, because in the distance in the middle of the channel he could make out a figure. She was wading along through the ankle deep water, her attention focused down at the water. John couldn't really see her features from this distance, but he knew it was her. The pain and sadness were almost unavoidable now and he felt the tears in the corner of his eyes. He cleared his throat and stopped.

"J.J," he said to his son, without taking his eyes away from the distant shape of Teyla. "Could you give us a minute?"

"Of course," Junior replied quietly.

John nodded and moved forward, his heart physically aching in his chest. He blinked his eyes, surprised at the overwhelming emotion trying to break free, but he kept his gaze fixed on her as he drew closer. He could already see the subtle changes to her, but she looked as beautiful as she ever had. The sunlight, glittering off the flowing water, danced over her bare arms as she reached down into the water and pulled up some water logged twigs. Her skin was the same golden colour he remembered, and as she turned to throw the twigs to the bank he saw her hair was long and plaited down her back. There was a large amount of grey in there, but then so had he. So, much time had passed, but right now, looking at her, he felt that no time had passed. All the same old feelings were back and a burst of love and joy made him pause along the bank.

She became aware that there was someone close by and she looked up towards him with a polite questioning expression. He smiled at her and he saw her eyes widen and her mouth open in shock.

------  
TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter:** 5

---------

The flow of water had been a constant companionable sound for her all day as she had worked her way gradually up the water channel. The water danced around her calves, the light glittering off the surface, its flow swirling around her boots as she paced forward through the channel.

She reached down into the clear liquid for a clump of dead leaves caught up against a stone in the floor of the channel. She pulled the clump from the water, droplets cascading down and then through the air as she tossed the clump towards the channel bank. She had been working her way along this channel all day, clearing it of any debris that might block its flow. It was simple, yet very rewarding work. There was something so very relaxing and freeing about ensuring the channel was clean and clear flowing.

This morning she had been accompanied by Junior as he replaced some of the shoring at the furthest end of the channel. He had talked, as he always did, of his ideas to improve the system. Teyla had seen his latest sketches of his new improvements to the water pumps and she thought they would be very beneficial for the camp. She was always amazed at her middle son's skills at designing and constructing devices. Yet, it often worried her as well, for there was little outlet for the vastness of his ideas and questions in the camp. She had encouraged him to travel off world as much as possible, but she knew he did not wish to leave her side for very long. He usually spent a large part of each day with her, whereas she could go the entire day without seeing Korlan, especially now he lived in his own tent across the camp.

Though she was happy to see her youngest son grown up and living on his own now, she still did not like to think of the day in which he had moved out of her tent. It had been a day of celebration for the entire camp and everyone had helped in constructing Korlan's new tent. Everyone had gifted him items for his new home – furniture, rugs, blankets and decorations. He had been so happy and so had they all. But, that night she had spent her first night alone in her empty tent. She had sat on her large bed, the tent silent of quiet snoring and gentle breathing, and the well of emptiness that had existed for almost twenty years had been unavoidable. For so long she had avoided truly dealing with it, instead having thrown herself into caring for her children. Like her work on the channel she had been working solidly with her head down, focused on one single task, ignoring the rest. Since the day John had vanished, she had surrendered her life willingly to caring for her children, for that had made it so much easier for her to ignore the pain.

She had sat alone in the silence with these realisations, finally hearing the loudness of the pain in her heart. She had wept, quiet tears and sobs that she finally let loose after so long. She had reached from her bed to retrieve her one single photo of John and had sat with it in her hands, and for the first time in all these years she let her mind wander into painful dark lands.

She had waited so long for him to return, yet still she remained alone. She had lain with no other man other than Kanaan, and her time with him had been sufficient only for them to create a family, but her heart had already been broken. Kanaan had known this and had even joked that both of their hearts had been damaged beyond true repair. Then the Ancestors had taken Kanaan as well. She had felt guilty for never having been able to offer Kanaan the love that he wanted, and it was the ultimate of unfairness for Kanaan to be taken from his two boys when they were so young. For the evils of Michael had lasted long beyond his own life and had cruelly shaped those of so many others.

With no father in their small family she had feared for her boys. She knew she would never take another lover, and she worried how the absence of their fathers would impact their lives. So she had striven to fill their lives with love, hugs and honesty. Despite the pain it caused herself she always spoke of John and Kanaan, and she never shied away from any of the boys' questions about their fathers. She had tried to fill the role of both mother and father, and though Halling and Hakon had in many ways filled the role of older male role models for them, she knew that there was nothing that could fill what was lost.

However, it had become clear from a very young age that the three boys had banded together to support each other. They loved each other with a strong passion and had always respected each other. They had grown up teasing, play fighting and enjoying life thoroughly. She had so many happy memories of her and her sons playing around and laughing together. And as they had grown the connection between the three boys seemed just as strong, even stretching into new horizons of sharing of emotions and thoughts when they chose to.

It pleased her no end to see how strong and mature they had become, and to see the complex depth of their connections with each other that even she could not entirely comprehend. She had been blessed with her sons and a day did not pass when she did not remember that. Even in her saddest of times they were the constant that made her feel life was worth all that was lost. She could not be prouder of her boys.

Yet, there was precious little else in her life and Korlan's departure from her tent had made that all the more apparent for her. She had always remained involved in trading negotiations, but the camp's trading partners were now very well established leaving little for her to do. She knew that in order to move forward with her life into a new role she had to come to peace with what had happened in the past. However, as she had sat on her bed that night with her photo of John in her hands, her teardrops falling onto it, she had for the first time thought that perhaps John had not made it off Atlantis before it had been destroyed.

That thought, ignored and denied for so long, had been so painful that she had found herself in place of it imagining John living a wonderful life back on Earth, with a beautiful wife and children running around him. Or perhaps he was working off world still, walking into trouble over and over again. That he had missed her at first, but had since moved on with his life. That pain of loss was more manageable than the thought that he had left to the Ancestors all those years ago. A universe without John Sheppard in it felt a cold and empty place.

She had been sure that day he had disappeared that he would one day return. She had waited patiently for him to reappear, suspecting that if he had returned to Earth that the politics there might delay his return. Yet, the months had passed and she had grown with her pregnancy. Then the day had arrived of Junior's birth and she had wept as she held her new baby, John's son, in her arms all fresh and new. She had wept for the beauty of her gift, but also for the absence of John beside them. It was an absence that had never lessened, and she knew that despite her best efforts Junior felt it as well.

She had waited still on for John as two years had passed and Kanaan had been helping her with the children more than before. She had accepted his invitation to move in together, for he could provide the family environment for her sons. But, even after the further gift of Korlan she and her children had been left alone again. And John's absence had remained just as strong as before.

How much time had passed! Korlan in his own tent and Junior was nineteen years! She shook her head as she stepped further along the channel. So much time had passed, yet she had remained emotionally locked in one place and she had to wonder if that would ever change. Nothing would fill John's absence except his presence and after so long she had begun to now doubt her own faith. Maybe she had been mistaken about the strength of his desire to return, for his life had continued without her. It bothered her that she felt so sad at that, for she wished him to be happy, yet she missed him so much still. Surely almost twenty years should have dulled this pain even slightly, but it still felt so fresh. She knew that it was not healthy for her to be so obsessed with him still and she had tried so often to turn her thoughts from him.

She did so now, fearing that her sullen mood would attract her sons' attention, for they were keenly aware of strong shifts of emotions among those in the family. Though they would never activity invade another's emotions to find out what was wrong, they could not physically ignore one of the family in extreme pain. She had become aware a few years ago that her sad moments of reflection had not been going unnoticed by her boys. She had noticed in turn that the boys appeared worried for her, though they tried to hide it behind excessive talking and helping her far more than was necessary. Also the subject of fathers had disappeared from their lives and eventually Junior had admitted to her that they had been worried about her. He had said that Torren was especially so and had asked him and Korlan to watch out for her.

A short conversation with Torren later she had reassured him that she was fine, only that the years had been passing and she felt their burden sometimes. She respected her sons' desire to make her happier, but she had told him that nothing lightened any day more than simply being around her boys. She had also made it clear that the subject of fathers was always free to be discussed, that it was not to become a taboo subject in the family. Appearing slightly chastised by her Torren had looked sad himself and had admitted to her that he missed his father desperately. For many years she had considered him the slightly luckier one of her boys for having actually spent considerable time with his father, but then that also meant that he had more to miss. The following day she had ordered the family out on one of their camping trips to the distant ocean shore. It had been a lovely trip with just her sons for two days straight. They had built cooking fires together, hunting for game and laughed together. As the smoke from their fire had lifted up through the darkness she had told them stories of Atlantis and as always they had listened intently.

She smiled now as she remembered that trip. She had stood by the ocean and breathed in the scent and feel of the sea breeze. Looking now up at the sun overhead she paused in her work. She closed her eyes for a moment and silenced her thoughts, feeling the subtle breeze over the channel. The constant sound of the water around her soothed her and she smiled. There was a lot for her to be thankful for and she would focus on that. She focused on that part of her that was still reserved for her love for John and just allowed herself to enjoy the bitter sweet pain of what it was like to still miss him. So often she and others talked over patterns and meanings to one's life, and in her heart she still believed that John lived out there somewhere. All those years ago on Old Athos he had arrived into her life so abruptly from another galaxy, and then he had gone just as abruptly again. A gift that had been more precious and special to her than any words could express. Though it was painful to feel it, it did not make it any less wonderful.

In the distance she heard footsteps over a channel bridge. The sound brought her back to her work and she blinked her eyes open. Since that night alone in her tent she had decided that though she had in some ways lost her distraction in caring for her children full time, she could still focus clearly on her chores and work for the camp. So she returned her attention to the water around her and waded forward once again, turning her mind onto the single task of her work.

Though the sun had lowered through the sky, there would still be plenty of time for her to complete this channel right up to where it diverged away from the river. Then she would quietly walk back up to the camp. It had been an enjoyable day despite her sad thoughts. She loved being around her boys, but it was rarely quiet in their presence and today she had enjoyed some quiet time alone. She would have to get used to more time silently alone after all. Yes, she had enjoyed this work and this evening Torren had promised to cook his special tuttle root stew. She would sit around the fire with her family and enjoy the gifts of her life.

And tomorrow she and Korlan would be heading off world to complete a small trade for the camp. Korlan always loved to visit that particular world with her as he had several friends he would take the opportunity to visit. She always enjoyed watching him head off happily to see them. After she completed the trade she would go shopping in the massive market area beside the trading hall. Some time in the busy place would always reveal a few small gifts for her boys, items for the camp or even the odd trinket for herself on occasion.

Korlan would then return to her side later in the day and return with her to the camp. Though they were enjoyable days it would always hit her that one day it was very likely that Korlan would leave New Athos. He had a restless spirit that a few younger members of the camp shared. Korlan was the strongest physically out of his brothers and his genetics had gifted him with amazing speed and agility. She had once told him that had they lived in Atlantis he would have loved working for the Earth military and they would have greatly benefitted from his skills. It had surprised her how proud Korlan had appeared at that comment and she had realised how urgently he longed for purpose. She suspected that the only reason he remained in the camp was because he did not know where else to go. He had the itchiness of one who wished to make a difference in the greater scheme of things - she knew what that felt like.

Her thoughts had begun to lead back to Atlantis again, so she pulled her attention roughly back to the work before her. She moved further upstream, her gaze sweeping back and forth scanning the water. She heard footsteps again across another channel crossing and she had no doubts now that whoever it was were heading in her direction. This was the last channel across the fields and there was nothing beyond that would draw people out this far. From the sound of the planks under their feet she decided there were two men headed towards her. It appeared that her sullen mood had attracted not just one but two of her boys to visit her with some excuse they would have thought up.

It would still take them awhile until their arrival so she had some more time to keep working and enjoy a little more of her silent time alone. Head down she continued her work, forcefully keeping her attention solely on the work. With her children on their way it was easier and she already felt herself pulling on the mantle of Mother - the part of her that was always stronger and wiser than she actually was.

Gradually she could make out the gentle sounds of footfalls along the bank and she knew she was out of time. Well, perhaps she could employ her sons to help her complete this task faster if they did indeed feel that she required company.

She stepped forward again and reached down into the water for a collection of dead twigs. As she pulled them up from the water and tossed them towards the bank she realised that the footsteps had stopped, which was unusual as her boys were usually quick to call out a greeting. Her senses told her abruptly that someone was watching her intently and she looked up from the water.

He stood on the bank looking down at her with a smile across his lips.

Her breath left her lungs in a rush as she stared towards him. Was this truly happening?

For a moment she wondered if she had somehow conjured him up from her thoughts, or that perhaps she was losing her mind. Or had the Ancestors actually stopped her heart and had sent John to her to take her to the next life?

His smile deepened and she felt the same cross her face, for in that moment it did not matter to her where he came from or if he was even real. Then he was moving, stepping down into the water channel and her spell of doubt was broken.

She was moving through the water without thought, racing towards him as he headed towards her. Tears were filling her eyes, blurring his image as they reached each other and his arms were suddenly around her lifting her up from the channel floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder, drawing in very real warmth of his body, the scent and feel of him exactly as he had been so long ago.

"Teyla," he said in delight, his body warm and strong against her – so very real. She tightened her hands on his shoulders, holding him forcefully against her as he lowered her toes back to the channel floor, but his grip around her did not lessen.

"John," she whispered to him around the faint sob that broke through the choking feeling in her throat. His arms tightened around her, holding them as close together as they could press without losing the ability to breathe. He was really here. She pressed her lips and nose against his throat, drawing in the essence of him almost exactly the same as so long ago. Tears flooded down her face, no doubt soaking his jacket.

"I've missed you so much," she heard him say and there was no mistaking the tears in his voice. She opened her eyes, sunlight and sky appearing over his shoulder. She smiled widely in delight around her tears.

"I knew you were alive, I knew it," she whispered, aware that she had fistfuls of his jacket in her hands as if he might still somehow vanish once again.

"It's taken me so long to get back," he told her, his voice just as beautiful to hear as he was to see and hold. For so many years she had tried to remember exactly how his voice had sounded, but now finally here is was again. She closed her eyes again. "It took so long to get back," he repeated, his face pressed against her throat now and she could feel his tears against her skin.

She ran one of her hands up his neck and into his hair, the cut almost exactly as it had been, some grey hair now, but it was him and she smiled with delight through her tears. "I knew you would," she told him. "All this time I knew I would see you again. That one day you would return." That faith she had remained strong to had finally, abruptly, provided her with her answer – her miracle.

"I tried to get back sooner," he was saying again, but the sorrow and regret was all gone for her, for he was here and there was nothing but joy to be had. She pulled back enough from him to be able to look up at him, yet still remain as close to him as possible.

He lifted his head and they looked at each other, both faces wet with tears and lips wide with smiles. She reached up and ran one palm down his cheek, looking into those eyes she loved so much.

"You are here now, that is all that matters," she told him, and it felt as if her grin would never lessen. She looked up at him, taking in the subtle changes that time had brought across his face, but ultimately there was little difference. He was grinning in return and together they laughed in delight as tears slid down their cheeks, around their smiles. He hugged her back to him and she nestled back into his embrace.

She became aware of another presence close by and she looked over John's shoulder to see her middle son standing down the bank. Junior. John had met Junior. Tears that had been drying up were renewed again. Her throat felt thick with the enormity of her miracle. Junior had his father and John finally knew of his son. "You have met Junior," she managed to say.

John chuckled against her. "Yes, we met in the camp," he told her and his tone told her all she needed to know – he was happy and there was very little else that needed to be explained. Father and son had met.

"I did not know I was carrying him until after you were gone," she told John her hands once again clasping hold of his jacket to hold her up and close enough to him.

"I know, J.J told me," John replied.

She laughed at the nickname, so very John, and given so quickly to his son. He really was happy to have a son, as she had always known he would be, and she closed her eyes tight with the knowledge.

She did not know how long they stood there, arms around each other, but it was far too soon when he began to pull back again. She opened her eyes and looked up at his face again, that handsome face with its new touches of subtle lines and grey in his hair. She smiled at the changes, reaching up once again to his face and she wiped at the track of drying tears down one of his cheeks.

His eyes roamed over her face in turn, his eyes sparkling and she knew there was much he wanted to say but perhaps like her he could not find the right words to describe it all. And he did not have to, because she saw it all there in his eyes and in the way he held her. He had missed her, he was happy to see her again and that they had a son – nothing else needed to be said in this moment. They had rarely needed many words in the past to be honest with each other, and it appeared that time had not changed that. She slid her hand from his cheek, dropping it to settle over the warmth of his chest, resting over his heart. His body still felt as strong and vibrant as it ever had.

His hands slid up her back and around her shoulders to settle his palms against her cheeks. She closed her eyes at the touch, touching her fingers to one of his warm hands. He was really here after all this time. She had no idea what his life was like back on Earth, but she was almost certain that his touch told her that he had no woman back there waiting for him. As she opened her eyes again she saw his focus was on her lips and she leant in towards him – their lips finally meeting again after so long parted.

His lips grazed hers briefly and his mouth felt exactly as it had before. The world, the water and even the passage of time slid away from her as he pushed the kiss deeper. It could have been twenty years ago as they kissed, no time had passed, nothing had separated them for the kiss was as strong and powerful as it had always been between them. She slid her hands into his hair and pulled him tightly to her. It was a kiss with passion, but it was mostly a kiss of love and reunion. Their lips parted gently and she smiled.

She slowly opened her eyes and swore to her self that she would never part from him again. The passion that had existed between them from their first kiss, perhaps even from their very first meeting on Old Athos, that passion had always felt _right_ to her, and here is was once again. She knew then that whatever would happen from here onwards that this would be forever now.

She smiled up at John again and she sighed out a breath that felt as if it had been waiting years to be released. A soft sound from the bank behind John drew her attention and she remembered Junior's presence nearby. She looked around John's shoulder again to see their boy standing a short distance away still, purposefully looking away, but she knew he did not want to leave. This was a reunion for him as well.

John turned against her to look back at their son and she reached down for one of his hands. There was still one more thing to be done. She stepped around John and pulled gently on his hand, leading him back along the channel towards the bank where Junior stood.

She smiled up at her son, tears filling her eyes yet again. Junior studied her closely as she reached the bank and he reached out a hand to help her up the bank. As she reached for it she felt John's hand on her back – as if she needed any help from them to climb up a simple bank. But, she let them help her swiftly up the bank and as soon as she was beside Junior she reached for him, wrapping her arms around her son.

Junior buried his face into her shoulder and she felt the overwhelming emotion in him. She hugged him tightly, so happy for him, for all of them to have reached this day. John stepped up beside her and one of his arms slid around her back. She broke open her eyes long enough to look past her son's dark hair to see John had his other arm around his new son. Then she closed her eyes as they hugged each other closer.

"Junior, this is your father," she said softly around her silent happy tears.

She knew they were well aware of that fact, but she had waited so long to say those words.

--------  
TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:** A big thank you for all those reviews. This chapter took some editing and rewriting I can tell you! Why is it the more basic the chapter content the harder it is to write? Anyhoo, Real Life has been very demanding, but my fanfic hat is back on and I am ready to get writing again (on all my current stories). A BIG thank you to Camy for the weekly nudges and for reminding me that I really do love this pairing and SGA. It left the screen way too soon, but we will forever love it.

---------

Teyla turned back towards the flowing water channel as she wiped her face clear of the dampness of her tears. Blinking she focused her attention on noting how far along the channel she had worked. She wiped her face again, hoping that she did not look as red-eyed as she felt and that her face would be presentable in the camp, yet as she turned back towards John and their son she felt the swell of tears in her eyes again. Father and son were together for real and not simply as part of a tormenting dream. She smiled a happy watery smile at them as they watched her with eyes the exact same colour. She saw Junior frown at her, clearly worried to see her crying so much, but John only smiled at her.

"You should save some for Rodney and Ronon," John told her with a cheeky smile. The flutter of her heart at seeing that smile again after so long meant that it took her a moment to process his words. She had not even considered the fact that there would be others with John, so desperately happy had she been to see him. Suddenly she realised she had many questions to ask him.

"They are in the camp?" She asked, hearing the excitement in her voice alongside the tightness of controlled emotion. As she stepped forward, John reached out one hand to her. It was a movement so natural that she took his hand without thinking, but once the warmth of his hand wrapped around hers she was struck once again by the reality of him. She clasped his hand in hers, absorbing the warmth and texture of his skin, and she tried to remember if he had ever so openly reached for her like this in the past.

Their relationship in Atlantis had been a very private affair and neither of them had been willing to exhibit their feelings in front of people who looked at John as a superior. The tight control of his military had frowned on their relationship slightly, but nothing had been said outside of a delicate conversation with Mr Woolsey one day. They had agreed that they would keep their relationship discrete, but not secret. At the time she had not felt that decision to be restrictive at all, but in the years since she had feared that John may not have truly understood how much she had loved him. She could not remember having used that phrase with him very often feeling that it had felt implicit in all they had said and did together. But, the years spent alone and apart had made her fear that he hadn't truly understood how much of her heart he had owned.

Now, he had reached for her touch with no doubt, no question in his eyes and she held his hand with a desperate need that was frightening for her. She made herself loosen her tight hold on his hand, for he was not about to disappear abruptly again…was he? His fingers tightened around hers in response to her loosened touch and she leant in slightly closer to him, drawn in by the reality of his presence and scent again. It was truly as if she were twenty years younger again. John had always had the ability to make her feel full of life and joy, and the return of that sensation was a heady delight.

"How did you get here?" She asked.

"On the Artemis," John replied as he smiled softly down into her eyes and she wondered if his thoughts mirrored her own in some way. Those emotional thoughts aside she registered his words and along with him she found herself looking up towards the darkening sky. She knew the ship would be too high above the planet to been seen, but she still looked. How many times had she looked up to this sky in the past waiting to see if an Earth ship or Jumper would one day appear? Now it truly had arrived and she found herself looking for it – the manifestation of her wishes come true.

"The Artemis?" She repeated the name and thought it sounded a beautiful name, a name full of deeper meaning as the Earth ships had tended to be in the past. She would ask John about that later. Oddly she had thought that the Earth ship to return would have been the Daedalus. "I suppose the Daedalus would be too old now," she whispered thoughtfully.

"She was destroyed a few years back," John replied and she lowered her gaze to meet his again. He broke eye contact for only a moment, but she had understood the look and the flash of emotion that had crossed his face. In someway he had been present during the Daedalus' destruction and she almost asked for details, but decided against it. He was alive and well and there was no need to ask right now.

He met her gaze again and then looked over to Junior, but Teyla kept her gaze on him. There was so much that must have happened to him over the past twenty years. She looked down at their joined hands. She had been sure during his kiss that he had no one waiting for him back on Earth, but now the brilliance of delight and relief had blossomed she felt a little nervous about what his life had been like. What dangers had he faced, what monsters had he fought and, perhaps the most painful, did he have a family back on Earth? Maybe that was why he seemed relaxed enough around Junior at the moment. Maybe he was used to dealing with a son. Who knew what he had lived through? So many questions.

"Did everyone survive Atlantis?" She asked first, for it had been one of the most hauntingly painful of the unanswered questions she had lived with all these years. Admittedly most of that concern had been focused on John, then on her team, but she had also thought so often of all those others who had populated the great city.

"We lost a few when we found the Wraith," John answered her.

"The Wraith?" She asked. It had been so many years since that name had been uttered around her. All these years without a single culling had allowed her to possibly allow herself to think that they really were gone. Of course there were the odd rumours of them from other trading partners. But, they were stories of random single Wraith found hunting in a forest, or of single darts thought to have been seen passing overhead. There had been no clear evidence that they were still out there, but Teyla had assumed that one day some of them would indeed return. It had become bad luck to even mention the world 'culling' now on many worlds, but stories of the Wraith were always told, especially to the young, in case the ancient enemy were to one day return. Teyla had told her sons many stories of the Wraith, feeling it was important that should the Wraith return that her boys would know their strengths and weaknesses. It had occurred to her before that perhaps some surviving Wraith had been responsible for the destruction of Atlantis, but as they had not appeared since she had thought that theory unlikely. Now, she knew the truth finally.

"A small group infiltrated the city, turned the city's power systems against us before we could stop them," John told her, his gaze breaking away again indicating the pain he still carried when thinking of that day. His hand tightened around hers briefly, as if he, like she had done, needed to be sure of the reality of the other. "Rodney didn't have enough time to get through all the code, all we could do was evac as fast as we could."

His eyes met hers again and she saw the mixture of complicated emotions in his eyes. Years ago she would have doubted he would have allowed her to see so much, even in their private times alone. She had always known he would have blamed himself in someway for the loss of Atlantis, though he could have done nothing more she was certain. Yet, there had been more lost than the loss of life and the city that day. They had lost each other and he had lost the opportunity to experience his son's birth and childhood. She knew he was thinking the same as her, though no words were said. She squeezed his hand in reply and smiled sadly at him. There was nothing either of them could do to change the past, but they were together now and that was enough for her. She had him back – had her team back.

She looked away towards the direction of the camp and her smile spread wider across her face as her emotions turned back towards joy. "Rodney and Ronon," she whispered with growing excitement.

"You wanna go see them?" John asked with a grin of his own and he tugged gently on her hand and she moved with him, to begin the walk back to the camp to see her long lost friends.

"Would you like me to finish the channel for you, Mother?" Junior asked.

Teyla smiled at his kind offer and set her free hand on his arm. "Do not worry, it can wait. Let us return to the camp." She saw the pleasure in her son's eyes. He had wanted to join them, but had offered to complete her work for her, or had he wanted to leave her and John together. She smiled at him and tightened her hand around his strong forearm before pushing him ahead of her along the channel bank. "You have met Uncle Rodney and Ronon?" She asked as they began to walk back along the bank, her hand snugly held within John's warm hand.

"Yes, Uncle Ronon lifted Torren off his feet when he hugged him in greeting," Junior told her with clear admiration. Teyla laughed – there were few who could lift up her eldest boy.

"Rodney hugged Torren too," John added with an amused tone. Teyla looked round at him with a surprised smile.

"Really?"

John nodded. "Though it might have something to do with the fact it's his kid's birthday today and he's missing it."

"Rodney is a father?" Teyla asked, a little regretful of her surprised tone.

John only smiled. "I know! Agnus is Korlan's age," he added.

Rodney had a sixteen year old son! Teyla smiled in happy amazement shaking her head. She also realised then that John had met Korlan and already knew how old he was. John knew that she had returned to Kanaan all those years ago. She suspected that it had been Junior who would have told his father all about their family and Teyla was surprised how relieved she felt that she had not been the one to inform John. Though, as she glanced up at John she wondered what his reaction had been and she found herself wanting to ask for the details about his life back on Earth. However, those questions could wait until they were alone.

"Is the Artemis like the Daedalus?" Junior was asking John and she refocused her attention on the conversation. Junior was walking ahead of them when the path had narrowed towards the channel crossing. Junior was trying to find a way of walking that meant that he could look back at her and John whilst still preventing himself from falling over. She smiled at her son's clear exuberance that he was attempting to contain.

"She's an Earth ship, but she's a lot more advanced than the Daedalus was," John replied. Teyla noted idly, as they reached the plank bridge across the water channel, that they were walking with a good speed towards the camp and she realised it was likely due to her growing excitement. Junior reached the planks first and scurried across to wait at the other end watching her and John as they crossed. Teyla smiled to herself to see her son so animated and clearly enamoured with his father. John held back as they reached the planks allowing her to cross first. She moved ahead of him as he wished, but she did not release his hand, keeping it close to her. She did not want to release his hand just yet and wondered if she would be able to for the rest of the evening. It was ridiculous to fear that he might abruptly disappear again, but holding his hand made her feel more comfortable and besides it meant that he had to walk close to her. His warmth was close to her back as they crossed the planks and they fell into step beside each other again on the other side.

"Where is the Artemis now?" Junior asked as they walked along the riverside.

"She's in orbit," John replied.

Junior stopped abruptly, his face turned up towards the sky. "In orbit?" He asked in fascination. Teyla glanced at John and they shared a smile at Junior's fascination.

"You should talk to Uncle Rodney – he designed a lot of it," John added.

Junior hurried to catch up again, walking beside Teyla as John was closest to the river bank. "Really?" Junior asked and John nodded. "Do you pilot the Artemis?"

"I've flown her a couple of times, but I don't get to fly as much as I used to, other than the Gate ships of course."

"Gate ships?" Teyla asked.

There was a flicker of what looked like self consciousness in his expression. "Rodney and I came up with a small fighter ship a few years back." Teyla tried to hide her amusement at learning that John worked so closely with Rodney still. "Think of the old F302's crossed with a Jumper, each with its own little hyperdrive."

"Impressive," Teyla told him honestly. They had reached the next channel crossing and Junior held back this time as Teyla led their group across the small bridge over this larger channel. "And you worked with _Rodney_ on this new ship?"

She looked over her shoulder at John and saw him give her a mock glare. The expression was exactly the same even after all these years. She looked away and down to the bridge to hide the surge of emotion.

"I know, I know. It's amazing I haven't killed him," John muttered.

Teyla held her judgement on that, for she knew how close the two men had been so long ago and it truly pleased her to know that the two of them had maintained their friendship all this time. "I am eager to see Rodney and Ronon again," she said softly as she looked up towards the hillside ahead. John's hand tightened around hers again.

They moved on in silence for a while, which was unusual with Junior around. She looked round at her middle son walking beside her. He was looking over at John and then up at the sky above them, then back to John, at which point he noticed she was looking at him. Junior smiled self consciously, but she reached out and caught his hand. She walked onwards with her son holding her hand and his father the other and the tears threatened to return.

"And Ronon," she asked John desperately working to distract herself. "Does he have any children?"

"No, though he's got a lady friend he's been spending a lot of time with off world," John replied with one of those familiar cheeky smiles again. They were crossing another channel bridge. "She's a Jaffa and a scary woman," he added.

Teyla knew some of the Jaffa's history and it did not surprise her that Ronon had been drawn to such a strong warrior woman. "What happened between him and Amelia?"

John looked down at her with surprise. "How'd you know about them? I didn't find out till a month after we got back to Earth." She smiled innocently up at him and he narrowed his eyes, his smile not well hidden, as he answered. "Not sure really, Ronon didn't say much about it. She got offered a great job over in Europe some years back. I think she's stationed at the European Flight Base now."

"Flight Base?" Teyla asked.

"We have several stationed around Earth. We can launch Gate ships and other more standard fighters straight into orbit. The US Base, where I'm stationed, is near where the Gate used to be kept."

"You don't work in the SGC anymore?"

"The SGC doesn't really exist like it used to. I worked there for awhile, but now I run the US Flight Base."

"You run it?" she asked with a smile. Her eyes dropped to the metal stars pinned to his shoulders. "_General_ Sheppard?" She hoped her memory was correct in remembering the name of the rank.

He smiled down at her in that self deprecating way he always had. "They forced it on me," he replied.

"I am sure," she replied knowingly. It satisfied her no end to learn that he had been so successful back on Earth. He was a benefit to his people and she felt more comfortable for those back on his home world to know he had been helping to protect them.

"Do you live at the Flight Base?" Junior asked.

Teyla watched John turn his gaze from her to their son and she saw the softening to his gaze. She tried to hide her smile as she saw almost the exact same expression on his face as Junior wore – shocked pleasure. It would take time no doubt for father and son to become properly acquainted, but it was clear to her that both of them were happy enough with the development. She broke her eyes away from John, to keep the threatening tears at bay, and focused on his reply. "Sometimes it feels like it, but no I have a small house nearby."

Again the desire to ask about that home was strong within Teyla – who lived with him in that house? She wished her years had made her stronger to wonder about his life back on Earth without her heart hurting in her chest.

"Do you have a family back on Earth?" Junior asked surprising Teyla. For a confused moment she wondered if she had communicated that question to her son somehow – the question she had desperately wanted to know in that moment. She glanced at Junior, but she could tell instantly from his face and manner that the question was innocent for him, and why should it not be? He simply wanted to know about his father and his life, and asked without hesitation.

"My brother has a couple of kids. A boy and girl - that makes them your cousins," John told Junior. "But no, I don't have my own family back there," John answered. His hand tightened around Teyla's. "It's always been here," he added.

Teyla couldn't answer, as the emotion was too strong. The weight of the relief shocked her, for she had believed herself when she had wished that he had lived a full and happy life in her absence, but it appeared that her heart had wanted to hear something else. All these years she had felt that her family was incomplete and somehow John had felt the same. She could not put any of that into words so instead walked even closer to John and slid her free hand around his arm, holding them closer together. She felt him lean further against her in return. They were together again.

Junior, either unaware or simply full of his usual curious questions, continued on talking.

"What are their names? My cousins?"

"There's Stuart - he's eighteen now," John replied his voice initially tight with emotion. He cleared his voice before adding "And Louise, she's fifteen."

"Do you see them often?" Teyla asked focusing on this new information. She knew that John and his brother had been working towards healing the rift between them twenty years ago, and she wondered whether they had managed it.

"Not as much as I'd like, but I see them every few months or so and at holidays."

They had crossed the last channel bridge and began to follow the path back up the slope alongside the river. Teyla noticed that there was no one around the river pools despite there still being enough light to work. "I suspect preparations for a celebration have already began," she uttered when she noticed Junior frowning at the lack of people near the pools. No doubt everyone was in the camp.

"Of course, I'd forgotten about you Athosians and your celebrations," John teased as he bumped his side into hers. She smiled at the warmth of him.

"As long as you have remembered how strong ruus wine can be," she replied.

"As if I could forget! I still have a scar from that time Halling and I ended up trying to hunt that small deer thing after that celebration for Torren."

Teyla laughed at the memory of that night.

The trees surrounded them, closing in with the darkening sky, however up ahead she could already see the light of the camp and it was brighter than usual. There would be more torches around the camp and the large fire pit would be lit, and no doubt a large feast was already being prepared. Earlier she had planned tonight to sit with her family to eat and now she realised how true that prediction had been. John and Junior talked as they walked - John explaining what a flight base was to the curious Junior. She looked up at her son's face and saw it was lit with an inner fire of amazement. Junior had always had a strong sense of father worship following all the stories he had been told about his absent father, and it appeared that John's real presence was only fuelling that worship. She knew John would find it uncomfortable, but she also knew how fun it would be to watch.

As they crested the slope Teyla saw movement ahead and spotted young Asker sitting on one large rock. He stood up when he saw them, waved and then hurried off up the path.

"Welcome party's on the way then," John commented.

"Halling will no doubt wish to invite all of the Artemis' crew to join us," Teyla replied with a smile.

They left the trees and headed up the sloping path that was the final distance towards the camp. She could hear movement up ahead and she looked up the path eagerly, her excitement increasing. Then appearing around the path's curve, striding forward with intent, was one of her long lost friends.

"Teyla!" Ronon practically roared when he saw her and she let go of John finally to move towards her friend. Ronon was upon her in no time and his massive strong arms surrounded her and lifted her up off the ground in one tight hug. Then he twirled around with her. "Teyla Emmagan!" He cried out in delight.

She laughed with him and, when he had put her on her feet again and she could once again breathe, she grinned up at him. "Ronon. I am so happy to see you." She hugged him again, pressing herself against him and he lifted her up again, though only an inch or so this time. He laughed loudly, with that deep gravely voice of his that she had missed.

She heard movement behind her and she looked round as Ronon let go of her and she saw Rodney descending on her. His arms wrapped around her and she laughed with joy at seeing him and at his welcome display of emotion. She wrapped her arms around her friend, holding him tightly in return. They were really here.

"Teyla, it's so good to see you," Rodney said as he stood back, his smile wide and honest. He looked older, as the others did, but she saw the greatest changes in him. There was less of the defensiveness that there had been before and he seemed far more comfortable with the heightened emotion than he would have been before. She wondered if being a father was the reason. She grinned at him.

"Rodney, I am so happy to see you. And I hear that it is your boy's birthday today?" She asked.

Rodney tried to hide his proud expression, but she saw it. "Thank you, yes he's sixteen today."

"Ask him what he gave Angus for his birthday," Ronon said over her shoulder, but she knew he was setting them up. Rodney glared up at Ronon.

Behind Rodney she saw Torren watching and she saw the happiness in his face. He walked towards her and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders, hugging her to his side. She leant into her son's strong tall warmth and looked round at her friends and watched as Ronon dropped an easy hand on Torren's shoulder. It felt like everything had snapped back into place, despite all the years that had passed. They were all together again as if no time had passed and Torren hadn't grown to stand almost as tall as Ronon. She could feel the warmth of John standing near her right side and she reached for his hand. He smiled down at her. Their family was all together again, a family of people from two galaxies and divided by two decades that no longer matter. She felt so blessed. She only wished that Kanaan could have been here for his sons, but that would never be possible.

Torren's arm slid from her shoulders as he moved away. She looked to see if Korlan was around but guessed he must have been up in the camp. John stepped up closer to her side, his hand loosening from hers to slide around her waist hugging her to his side.

"Come on everyone, there is going to be a huge feast," Torren said as he led the way back up the path to the camp. Ronon strode forward and fell into step with Torren as Junior stepped forward towards Rodney.

"Uncle Rodney? Dad said that you designed the Artemis?" Junior asked. Teyla smiled at the new fatherly term used so carefully by her son, and she saw Rodney's surprised smile in response.

"Well, yes, some of it," he began as he and Junior headed up the path.

John gently pulled her forward and together they followed the others back up the path. John's warmth penetrated deeply into her side and his hand was a wonderful weight on her waist.

The path circled up the hill and into the camp and she saw immediately that she had been correct – everyone was here and appeared very busy. Teyla noticed a group of people clearly dressed in an Earth uniform sitting to one side with some of her people, food and drink already laid out for them. When these newcomers from Earth saw John Teyla saw their rather stricken expressions as they quickly tried to stand up without dropping plates and cups over themselves. John immediately waved them down.

"Enjoy yourselves, the Athosians have great parties," he told them with a tone carefully measured between a command and a friendly suggestion.

"Thank you, Sir," they all replied, a couple of voices muffled by food.

Halling moved forward and Teyla met his eyes and saw the joy he felt for her, for he had seen the true sorrow the past twenty years had weighed upon her. Halling smiled before he looked from her to John, giving her the space to gather her wayward emotions.

"General Sheppard," Halling said. "We could be happy to welcome all your people from the Artemis down here tonight. They must surely be tired of ship food after spending the last few weeks trapped on board."

"John, Halling, remember call me John," John replied with a smile. "And that's nice of you to offer. I'll pass it on to her commander." John turned to look down at Teyla. "Actually I should really head back up there to let them know we're okay and to bring down some things for tonight?" She understood his question.

"You will be able to stay for a few days though?" Halling asked. Teyla saw Junior's head turn at hearing that question, his expression abruptly worried.

"The Artemis has a mission to check out some planets for Ancient tech and they might want to use your Stargate if they can," John replied.

"They are most welcome," Halling replied as he glanced at Teyla and she nodded as well. "And you are welcome to stay here for as long as you wish, John," he added. Teyla knew the offer was meant as more than as a holiday stay on the planet, but she did not want to wander into that territory just yet. Junior's worry eased on his face, but she knew he now shared a new concern with her – how long this visit would last. Teyla felt John's arm tighten ever so slightly around her waist and though she could not be sure as to what the future were to bring, she felt in her heart that she and John would not be parted again any time soon. She wished she could communicate that to their son now, but he turned away seeming happy for now that John would be staying close by.

Torren appeared next to Teyla and she looked up at her eldest boy to see him studying her face. She knew then that she had not been as subtle in hiding these new concerns, but she smiled up at him, letting him understand that she was happy above all else. "Are you happy to see everyone again, Torren?" She asked, hoping to direct his attention elsewhere.

"I was surprised how much I remember of them upon seeing them," he replied seeming happy to move away from the subject of her worries.

"Look at how big your boy is now," Ronon stated as he dropped one hand onto Torren's shoulder. "He's going to teach me a few things about sparing later."

"Oh no," Rodney muttered. "I knew he would turn out to be like Ronon."

Teyla looked away from her widely smiling son to seek out her remaining son Korlan, and found him sitting with the team from the Artemis. He looked towards her with a smile and she smiled back.

"I really should head up to Artemis then," John said beside her and she looked round to see him turn to Junior. "You wanna come up and see the ship?"

Teyla watched her son's eyes widen in shocked amazement. "Really?"

"Sure," John replied.

Teyla worked to keep the amused smile from her face, as John looked down to her again. She knew what his next question would be and she decided to pre-empt him. "I will stay down here to catch up with Rodney and Ronon." She told him softly, wanting to give John some more time alone with his son and she knew how much Junior would love to see the Artemis.

"You sure?" John asked. She wondered if he felt the same as she did – that she did not want to be more than a few feet from him now, in case he might be taken from her again. But, she pushed away that fear now, for he and Junior would return shortly.

"Enjoy yourselves," she told him with a reassuring smile.

John caught her meaning and nodded, though she thought she saw a touch of nervousness to his features. He would need to discover what it meant to be a father, and to get to know his son.

"Okay, we won't be long," John replied and he tightened his arm around her once again as he kissed her temple before he moved away. A deep flush of warmth fused through her at his simple light kiss, which he gave without hesitation in front of so many others.

"Take your time," she told him as he let go of her. "I am sure Junior will love the ship, and he will have many questions," she warned him with a grin.

As John moved away she met Junior's gaze and she saw the overwhelming anticipation in his face. This would be a day he would never forget. She smiled at him and winked before she turned towards Korlan who was now talking with Ronon. As she crossed the space she looked back to see John and Junior standing in an empty space to the side of the camp and John was talking into a small device. Then the two of them disappeared into the bright light of a transporter.

For a foolish moment she wanted to run after them, the fear filling her throat. She had lost John so quickly all those years ago and suddenly the prospect of losing him and their son doubled the fear. But, she pushed it back, knowing it to be irrational and baseless. John would not disappear and he would take good care of their son on board the Earth ship. It would be good for them to share the experience together and she caught herself smiling again as she imagined how intrigued Junior was going to be with everything on the Artemis.

Korlan stood up as she reached him, his eyes assessing her as Torren had done. "Are you alright, Mother?" He asked.

"I am very well, Korlan," she replied as she laid her hand on his shoulder. "Have you met everyone?"

"Yes, and Uncle Ronon was just telling me about your sparring sessions with him back in Atlantis." She smiled again, but this time to see that the enjoyment of today had extended to Korlan. He had no strong ties to Atlantis or those from Earth, and she had been concerned he might feel left out somewhat, but he appeared interested and as happy as everyone else.

She slid her hand further around her boy's shoulder and he leant into her, reminding her abruptly that though he was a grown man now, he was still young. His eagerness to return her hug told her that he was not as untouched by all of today's events as he appeared. It had been many days since her youngest boy had openly hugged her, something he did not enjoy anymore in public feeling it childish, but now he was willingly returning her half embrace. She stroked his hair briefly, not wanting to push the public affection, but she sensed from him that he needed to feel assured of her love now. Perhaps he did feel more left-out than he appeared.

He had been so willing to move out of her tent and into his own, though there had been no tension between them, but now she saw in his eyes that he was feeling drawn back to his sense of family. It was something that touched her for she had feared so often that her youngest boy would prefer to be off world away from the camp. Now, she saw the love in his eyes again and knew that the boy who had hugged her so tightly when he had been younger was still in there. Halling had suggested to her that his strong unaffected front may be influenced by his not having had a father around and perhaps some jealousy at Junior's famous father and Torren's memories of Kanaan and Atlantis. So she hugged her boy to her side as she turned to Ronon, and a new little worry tugged at her mind – whether Korlan would accept John as happily as Junior and Torren?

Ronon was talking, unaware of the exchange between mother and son, and Teyla tuned into his words. Korlan leant against her for one more second and then pulled back again and she dropped her arm from around his shoulders. He straightened his back as he listened to the war story Ronon was recounting from the days of Atlantis and she glanced at Korlan and saw his intense interest. As he stood tall beside her she was struck once again that he was a warrior looking for his field of battle to prove himself, though he was stuck in many ways between his youth and adulthood, but also the entrapment of the camp and the war stories he had heard growing up. A thought settled into her mind, an idea that may present an opportunity for her son and their family, but now was not the time to dwell so much. There was too much to talk about, too many questions to finally find answers to – and most importantly John and Junior's return from the Artemis to wait for.

-------

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter:** 7

--------

The blue tinged light shone from the large display screen across J.J's face as he watched in fascination as the engineer described the ship's layout. John watched J.J reach out and point to one section of the diagram and ask a question that John couldn't hear across the busy Bridge. The engineer was nodding as he reached forward and tapped the section to which J.J had pointed, which brought up a more magnified diagram of that area. John looked back to his son and watched as he nodded and pointed again, clearly keeping up with the engineer's description.

It had become pretty clear from early on, as John had led J.J out of the transporter room and down the first corridor of his Artemis tour, that J.J was fascinated in how things worked. J.J had stared in clear wonder at the simple things of the corridor, like the silent automatic doors, the lights set into the ceiling and the panels on the walls. Abruptly the ship had became a new creature to John, despite having been stuck in the Artemis for almost three weeks, it now seemed brand new and interesting seen through his son's eyes. John had begun to point out things to J.J as it was clear he desperately wanted to ask about everything. The elevator particularly fascinated J.J and John explained the basics of how it worked, trying to encourage J.J to ask questions as Teyla had suggested he would. The flood gates opened after that and John realised that he had seriously underestimated his son's interest. The questions that flowed from J.J were complicated and made it clear to John just how fast his son's mind could work. John suspected that if he left J.J alone that some panels would be removed from the wall and the inners would be poked. John explained about electricity, abruptly fearful that J.J might not understand that he had to be careful with some things, but he appeared to already understand and it only sparked further questions.

It had made John realise how little he really knew about how the ship worked. It wasn't that he didn't know the basics, but J.J seemed to want to know the details. Fortunately J.J didn't seem annoyed that John didn't know the precise answers to his questions, and the strange part of that was that John didn't feel embarrassed or annoyed that he couldn't answer them - he felt really proud of his son. John had decided to get J.J to an engineer as quickly as possible so make sure J.J could get some proper answers.

So, they had headed to the Bridge. Colonel Stantus had been sat in his command chair when they had entered and he stood quickly to greet John. The Colonel had then reacted the same way as everyone in the corridors had done – he did a double take between John and J.J. At first John had worried that the reactions of the crew would make J.J feel uncomfortable, but he hadn't appeared to even notice, so intrigued he had been with the Artemis. Colonel Stantus pulled his expression closed much faster than the other crewmen, but there was a new understanding in his eyes as he moved forward to meet John.

"General Sheppard, good to have you back on board," he greeted John with a genuine smile. John had shared many meals with the Colonel over the past weeks and the Colonel was well aware of the true reason for John's interest in visiting the Athosians. He had even openly suggested that John may wish to remain with the Athosians whilst the Artemis completed her mission, if John found what he hoped on the planet. Now, as John met his eyes, he saw that the Colonel already understood what John had been planning to explain to him. John would not be returning to Earth.

John turned to J.J. "J.J this is Colonel Stantus. He's the commander of the Artemis." J.J nodded very politely to the Colonel. John glanced at Stantus. "Colonel, his is my son, John," John introduced J.J for the first time and was a little surprised at how eager he had been to use the phrase 'my son'.

Stantus extended his hand towards J.J. "Pleased to meet you, John," he said with a wide friendly smile. J.J shook the man's hand and smiled back.

"I am pleased to meet you as well. You have a wonderful ship, Colonel Stantus," J.J said, again so politely. John felt a renewed swell of pride at his son.

"Thank you, John," Stantus replied.

"Please call me J.J," J.J suggested as the two men released hands.

"I hope your father has given you the guided tour?" Stantus glanced at John with clear amusement in his eyes.

"J.J is very interested in the ship," John replied. "I thought an engineer would be better suited to answering his questions."

Stantus looked away across the bridge, which was full of crewmen who appeared to suddenly find something very interesting to look at. "Captain Brooks?" He called out and a tall dark skinned man turned to walk quickly towards them.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Would you be able to answer J.J's questions on the Artemis?" Stantus suggested in the way all commanders had of making an order sound like an offer.

"Of course, Sir," Brooks replied, but he turned a happy enough smile towards J.J. "How about I show you the basic schematics and go from there?"

J.J's eyes had a new sparkle as he nodded and turned to follow Brooks towards the station he indicated. But, J.J paused and looked back at John with what looked very much like a worried expression. John realised that J.J didn't want to be parted from him and a strange sense of pleasure, and the need to please, surfaced.

"I'll just be over here with the Colonel, J.J," John told him. J.J seemed happy with that and turned to walk away, already asking Brooks something.

John watched him now as he talked with Brooks near the back of the bridge, his face intent and curious as he learnt about his first Earth ship.

"He's a good looking boy, General," Stantus stated with a smile in his voice, drawing John back to their conversation. John pulled his eyes away from his new son with some difficulty.

"Thanks," John replied, a little unsure how you were supposed to answer that kind of question, though the burst of pride and amazement was answer enough for him. He cleared his throat, aware that Stantus had a soft smile in his expression that he was trying to hide from John.

"The Athosians are organising a big party down on the planet and everyone from the Artemis is invited," John told Stantus.

Stantus nodded becoming slightly more professional, but that smile still lingered. John remembered that the Colonel had two kids back on Earth.

"That's a very nice offer, I'll make sure the crew know. I bet quite a few will want to stretch their legs off world for a bit," Stantus said. "I might head down myself. I've heard so much about the Athosians."

"They throw good parties, the Athosians," John added, his eyes already returning to J.J.

Stantus glanced round at J.J as well and then turned back to John. "So, did you find all you were looking for down there?" He asked, his voice quiet and private to their small corner of the Bridge.

John smiled at that and looked back at the Colonel. "Yes, and something I wasn't expecting," John added as he looked back at his son.

Stantus nodded and grinned. "I'm very glad to hear that, General," he added the rank, presumably to contrast with his knowing grin. "I'm a sucker for a happy ending," he added.

John couldn't help his chuckle as he agreed. How lucky was he that this had all worked out? Despite the years of loss and painful hopefulness, he felt overwhelmed with good fortune at what today had brought him.

"I take it you will not be joining us on the mission?" Stantus asked after a beat, but he didn't wait for John to reply. "Will Doctor McKay and Ronon be remaining with you for the next few days?"

John frowned, he hadn't thought to ask. "I would think so, though Rodney might want to help out with the search for Ancient tech."

"We've got plenty of experts on board, so I think we can do without him for a few days," Stantus replied.

John nodded at that.

"Three days enough time for you?" Stantus asked.

"I think Rodney will lose it if he and Ronon stay any longer," John replied, carefully not including himself in the reply. The Colonel nodded, understanding the subtext.

"Then we'll head off after the party tonight and plan to get back here in three days time."

"If it's not enough time use the Gate to contact us," John suggested.

Stantus nodded at the order. "Judging by the details in the Atlantis database these planets should hold plenty of Ancient tech to keep us busy."

"If not, head back earlier," John replied. He had already made his decision. He had found Teyla again and had found a son he had never known existed – there was no way he was going back to Earth now. It had been a possibility, though hopeful, when he had left Earth that he would find what he was looking for and he had put plans in place with his lawyer if he didn't return. His house would be sold and the money given to Dave's kids for a college fund and the rest of the money to the Airforce and charities. Everything was wrapped up back home, and he had even brought along his own personal Gate ship, just in case. Though, saying goodbye to Rodney and Ronon would be tough and knowing that he may not see friends and family back on Earth again was sad to think about, but there was no way he was leaving New Athos now.

"I'll see you at the party then," Stantus stated professionally as a crewman approached with the regular reports for him to read. John nodded as he moved away, realising that signing off on reports would definitely be something he wouldn't be missing.

He made his way slowly across the Bridge, giving J.J as much time as he could with the engineer. Someone else had joined them all of them in deep conversation. John didn't really want to interrupt, but now things had been sorted with Stantus he wanted to get his stuff. He paused and motioned over a crewman who had been hovering waiting for any orders. John asked the crewman to gather Rodney and Ronon's pre-packed bags from their quarters and take them to the transporter room. The crewman nodded with clear joy at carrying out some easy instructions and headed out. John would get his own bag and allow J.J to see more of the ship before they left.

J.J looked round once John was still a metre or so away and he grinned. John smiled back, amazed at his own pleasure at seeing J.J smile.

"You having fun?" John asked as he joined the three of them.

"Yes," J.J replied.

"I've downloaded some information for J.J," Brooks said as he handed over a data node. It would link up with John's laptop. "I would give him the full tour, but there's not enough time." Brooks looked disappointed.

"I'm sure once J.J's had a look at these he will have plenty of more questions when you guys get back from the mission," John said.

"I'm sure he will," Brooks replied with what appeared to be an honest and amused smile.

"Thank you for answering all my questions," J.J said as Brooks moved away.

"No problem, J.J. You have any more questions feel free to ask," Brooks replied.

"You are all invited to the celebration on New Athos tonight," J.J offered.

John hid his smile as several other people all looked round, all with very hopeful expressions. Clearly there would be plenty of mouths to feed tonight in the Athosian camp. Stantus would probably have to draw up a rota to make sure everyone got a chance to breathe some fresh air tonight.

"You ready to go?" John asked J.J as the crewmen moved away.

"Are we going back now?" J.J asked as John led him from the Bridge. John thought there was a touch of disappointment to J.J's voice. John's need to get back to Teyla was tempered then by wanting J.J to see more of the ship.

"We need to go to my quarters to get my things, but then we can walk the long way round the ship to the transporter. Maybe show you a gate ship?"

"Yes please," J.J replied.

Another short elevator ride took them to the habitation level and John led the way to his quarters. J.J nodded to everyone they passed, though he was distracted by an open doorway through which he could see someone had dismantled a wall unit. After a brief chat with a surprised engineer who had been innocently repairing the water dispenser, they headed on to John's door.

John stepped through and headed towards his bag set on the bed. "You hungry?" John asked as he pulled out a more comfortable jacket and pulled off his uniform one, tucking it into his bag. J.J had moved away towards the bathroom and John smiled as he heard the light flick on and off, the taps turn on and off a few times and then the toilet flush. Away from the eyes of other crewman J.J was already more comfortable, exploring everything.

"There will be plenty of food at the celebration," J.J replied from the bathroom as he wandered back out. "Torren should still be making his tuttle root stew as well."

John paused in pulling on his jacket. "Did he learn to make it from your Mother?"

J.J grinned at that. "No, Mother is banned from making anything with tuttle root in it."

John smiled back at his son and at the first real display of humour from his son. J.J moved on to the small desk and John watched him turn the small work lamp on and off before peering in at the bulb inside. John prayed the kid didn't ask about that because John had no idea how these modern bulbs worked, something about a substance from algae, he wasn't sure. They were amazingly energy efficient and that was all John knew. J.J straightened from the desk, appearing satisfied, and moved on to look at the shelves, actually peering under them to see how they were fastened to the wall. John could almost see J.J's mind working to understand and catalogue everything he saw. A though occurred to John.

"You want to see a laptop computer?" He suggested as he reached into his bag and pulled out the small computer.

J.J moved closer. "Yes, please. Mother has told me much about them and I have seen the Genii versions, though Mother says they are likely to be far less advanced than Earth technology."

John felt oddly smug at hearing that as he sat down on the edge of the bed and turned on the laptop. J.J sat down next to him, at a polite distance, his hands folded neatly on his lap like Teyla did. John looked up at his son's face and saw again all the touches of Teyla to his face. There were moments when he caught the echo of Teyla or of his own features, sometimes even of Dave's, but somehow J.J was a completely unique person. John wondered how J.J had looked as a kid, but the thought was powerfully painful and he looked back down to the laptop. The Athosians didn't have any cameras so there would be no pictures of his son when he was younger.

"Do the Athosians have any technology in the camp now?" John asked as he tapped in his password to open up the computer programs.

J.J sighed. "Very little, I have managed to install pumps in the waterways and we have an ignition system in the fires and burners, but otherwise the camp remains unwilling to embrace much technology. Halling feels there is little use for it in the camp, unless it will improve things, such as with the medical supplies. Many worlds still fear the Wraith's return and believe that having any advanced technology will bring a culling upon them."

"The Wraith have only been gone twenty years, most people remember what it was like to experience a culling," John commented.

"I suppose, but it never stopped your people," J.J argued softly. John got the impression that this was a discussion J.J had had many times before. "I have collected several pieces of Ancestor technology over the years, most of it doesn't work, but it fascinates me."

John turned from the laptop. "Rodney would be interested in seeing those," he pointed out before another thought occurred to him. "You said some of it works? Were they already activated?"

"No, I can activate Ancestor technology like you," J.J replied with a smile. John smiled back at him, feeling immensely proud of the fact that J.J had inherited his Ancient gene. "Mother says that my Ancestor 'gene'," J.J said the word carefully, checking that it was right, and John nodded. "That it is probably as strong as yours and I can hear some of Torren and Korlan's thoughts."

John frowned. "Their thoughts?"

J.J's forehead creased briefly into a light frown. "Yes, Torren and Korlan are able to talk with only thoughts and are able to sense how those in the family are feeling. I can do that sometimes, but not as strongly as they can."

"The Wraith gene?" John wondered.

"Yes, Mother believes it makes their minds and bodies stronger."

"Your Mother is a lot stronger than most people," John added as he opened up a program in the computer.

"I am not quite as strong as Torren and Korlan, but I am fast," J.J added.

John tried not to smile at the subtle sibling rivalry that J.J was trying to hide in his voice. "I was the same with my brother," John told him. "Dave was always bigger and stronger than me, but I was faster."

J.J seemed pleased to hear this, but the smile faded a little. "Mother said you lost your father not long before Atlantis was lost?"

It had been a long time since that old pain had resurfaced, but it did now. John swallowed at the strange new twist. "I was never very close to my father," John told him carefully. "We didn't really get along."

He didn't really want to get into this with J.J. John was about to change the subject when he realised that would be just how his father would have dealt with such a difficult family discussion. And of course J.J had every right to known about his grandfather. John was a father now and it was very important for him now not make the same mistakes as his father had done. John had promised he would be honest with J.J and already he was shying away from that promise.

"We butted heads a lot when I was growing up," he found himself explaining. "He wanted me to live a very different life and didn't really approve of what I chose to do." It was a very basic summary of what had been so much more terrible and life changing.

"He did not wish you to save people?" J.J asked clearly confused.

John felt his eyebrows hit his forehead. "You think that's what I do?"

"You are a warrior, that is what warriors do," J.J replied. "Mother says you saved many lives just in the time you were in this galaxy." John felt a strange mix of emotions at the words, which were true, but life was not that simple. But it was the worried look in his son's eyes that pulled at his heart strings. Clearly J.J had decided John was a warrior and John desperately didn't want J.J to see the cracks in that truth.

"Yes, I guess so, but I never thought of myself that way. Your mother, now she's a proper warrior, or Ronon."

J.J's smile grew wide into a grin that was so startlingly like Teyla. "She said you might say something like that," he said.

John frowned. "She said what about me?"

J.J's grin held for a moment longer and then he relaxed his face. "Nothing important."

John frowned at J.J and saw the sparkle of mischief in his eyes. J.J looked back at him with an expression that seemed to hold the teasing humour, but also a slight nervousness. John realised J.J wasn't too sure if teasing his father was allowed. John chuckled out a breath at that and turned back to the computer balanced on his knees.

"I will have to have a few words with your mother," he muttered with a smile of his own, he would look forward to that discussion.

"Mother only ever tells the truth," J.J uttered solemnly, but there was still humour there.

"That's what women always say," John replied glancing back at Teyla's son with a smile. J.J blushed slightly in a way that made John wonder if there weren't a few young women J.J might be interested in, but he held his tongue on that for now. "But," he added more seriously. "You're right – your mother is one of the most honest people in any galaxy."

J.J was clearly pleased to hear the admiration John had made clear in his voice.

"Okay, so this is the laptop," John introduced and he began to open each program to show J.J what it could do and then he moved onto the next. He showed him how to use the touch keyboard and then he pulled up a movie. J.J leant close to John, totally engrossed in the laptop and he asked a few questions. The movie shocked him and made him laugh in delight, and the sound made John feel ridiculously happy.

"You want to see some photos of Atlantis?" John suggested next as he tapped in another password to get into the higher level security that was locked around anything relating to Atlantis. The only reason John was allowed to carry anything with such high level eyes only was because of his own rank and history. The photos inside, and there were many, he had either taken himself or had collected from others from Atlantis. When Atlantis had been lost the photos had all been pooled together, but John had been particularly eager to collect any photos than may have held a glimpse of Teyla. He had been surprised how many pictures other people had had of him and Teyla together – smiling together, laughing and standing much closer than he would have with anyone else. He had spent far too much time over the past years looking through them. He called up the general city folder first.

J.J gasped and leant even further towards the computer screen. John pulled the screen free from the main computer and handed it to J.J to look at closer. J.J took a moment of interest in how the screen was able to communicate with the computer whilst no longer being attached directly, but then his focus was back on the photos. John showed him how to move to the next image and then he let J.J just scroll through the pictures. J.J began to point to parts of the cityscape identifying buildings and John smiled at the clear knowledge J.J had gathered on the city, hardly surprising given his need for information. And Atlantis was something John knew a lot about. He began talking J.J through the photos and began adding some stories the occasional photo brought to mind. J.J listened fascinated and John felt more than a little pleased that he was able to hold J.J's interest so intently.

Once they had gone through all the city photos John opened the next folder and J.J smiled his way through the tons of photos of the people who had lived in the city. J.J asked who each person was and John realised that though he didn't know the faces he seemed to know most of the main names. John added some more stories and made J.J laugh several times, especially with the Rodney stories. John had plenty of those and decided to keep the best ones back for later when Rodney would actually be around to wind up.

By the time they had gotten through that folder John decided it was time to get to their tour and then get back to the planet. J.J hid his disappointment well, but John saw it nonetheless. "Don't worry we'll have plenty of time to look through them and more on the planet."

John tapped away on the computer pulling together the folders into one so that he could leave the laptop with J.J later or maybe with Teyla. He also quickly, when J.J was back examining the desk lap, made sure the folder of Teyla pictures was hidden away and locked with another password. He would be embarrassed for others to know how many pictures of her he kept, and besides the ones of him and her together held far too many memories for him to feel like sharing. He would show J.J and the other two boys some of the Teyla ones later, as they would appreciate them properly. And he had some baby pics of Torren that could be used for a few laughs John was sure. He closed down the computer and slid it into the bag and zipped it all closed.

"How long can a laptop work before it will need more power?" J.J asked as John stood up with his bag.

"Days, and besides it has some solar units, which will run it indefinitely as long as they can sit in some sunlight for a few hours every day."

J.J got that fascinated look again and John chuckled as he pushed his son's shoulder towards the door. "Later, let's get going or we won't get back to the planet tonight."

J.J smiled, "Sorry, I do find things very interesting."

John waved to the door control and J.J happily activated it to open the door. John waited with an amused look, but this time J.J refrained from looking into the door's groove again, amazed at how a door could slid away into a wall.

John led him down the corridor. "There's nothing wrong with being interested in things, J.J."

"That is what Mother says, but I have found others find my interests in how things work as annoying."

John felt a burst of defensiveness for his son. "That's just because they don't know how to answer you, J.J," John replied as he pressed the call button for the elevator. J.J looked surprised at John's reply and John had to wonder if Teyla's people would have been too polite to point that out to him before.

John led the way into the elevator and told J.J which symbol to touch to select the right floor, which J.J did enthusiastically, but he was quiet on the trip down the levels. John frowned at him, worried that he had stepped over some Athosian politeness line. J.J was very polite and respectful, which was only expected with a son of Teyla. Though on closer scrutiny of J.J's expression John thought he might just be thinking.

The doors opened and John stepped forward. "Want to see a Gate ship?"

J.J's face became highly animated again. "Yes, please."

John smiled at his son's renewed thrill, and as he led him down the corridor towards the main hangar anticipation flowing through his own veins.

The door ahead opened and the wide expansive hangar bay came into view and J.J paused mid step and gasped. John grinned as he moved ahead to lean against the railing of the balcony overlooking the massive deck below. Ships of various designs were laid out in neat rows to one side, then a wide open space for launching and on the other side stores and weaponry, with massive working machine arms reaching out from the wall, under the control of flight deck crews below. John smiled out at the view – this was the best part of the ship, other than the view from the Bridge, and there was another hangar on the other side of the ship as well.

J.J reached John's side, his mouth practically hanging open. His hand reached out and touched down on the railing beside John and John chuckled at his son.

"By the Ancestors," J.J whispered as several of the cranes swung out and around the right side of the massive bay. Then almost on queue one of the orbit flyers began its launch along the length of the bay and took off with beautiful control up off the deck into the air and then through the protective shield sealing the bay from the outside vacuum. J.J gasped repetitively at the sight until the ship vanished out of view. J.J remained staring straight ahead with rapt attention at the view of New Athos' atmosphere below.

"No wonder Mother missed this life," J.J whispered eventually.

John looked up from his technical inspection of the activity on the deck below to look at J.J. He had known of course that Teyla would probably miss her life on Atlantis, but by the way J.J had spoken implied the level of loss Teyla had felt and John felt a constriction in his chest. He looked out at the bay below and suddenly it was different to him. He loved working in places like this, and though it had helped him through twenty years of grief, he would have given all of it up to have been there when J.J had grown up.

But, then that was a choice of a man who had lived through more battles against hellish monsters than was really fair, whereas J.J was a young man who would be looking for excitement and purpose. John thought he would envy him that, but there was no place for that kind of emotion here. In its place was a new feeling for John – the need to give J.J the encouragement and anything else he may need to find that purpose. To be happy. John had spent the last twenty years of his life deeply unhappy at his core despite his accomplishments. Now he had a son and Teyla back again and that was enough for him. Any life with them would be good.

The ache in his chest had not let up and as he too watched New Athos through the clear atmospheric shield he realised that he was missing Teyla again. This emotional ache in his centre was a well know companion and this time he greeted it almost willingly. He remembered with a smile when, after over a year of the ache following Atlantis' loss, he had gone to Carson worried that there might be something physically wrong with his heart. Carson had done all his tests and had smiled as he had told John that he was fine – 'strong as an ox' had been his phrase. John had then, for the first time, confessed to someone else just how much he missed Teyla. Carson had nodded compassionately, and John hadn't missed the way he had brushed at his eyes when he had thought John wasn't looking.

The two of them had gone out that night and drunk far too much, but between them they had agreed that a broken heart was a clear medical condition. Carson had even begun writing a paper on it in the early hours of that morning. John smiled widely as he remembered that Carson had recently found that half rambling drunken paper on his computer and had emailed it to John. It had been funny reading, and clearly John had been 'helping' in places. In fact it was somewhere on his laptop – he would have to dig it out and read it to Teyla one day.

He pushed away from the railing and turned to J.J. "Let's go home; your mother will be worrying." Of course that was unlikely because Teyla would trust J.J would be fine on the Artemis, but John needed to get back now.

Before there had been no antidote to the ache in his chest, but now there was a way of settling it. He strode back along the corridor and glanced back to see J.J hurrying to catch up. When his son drew close enough John smiled at him. "Don't worry there's plenty of details on those ships on the laptop."

J.J looked happy at that, but there was a new look in his eyes now. "What is it like to fly through the sky?"

John shifted his bag into his other hand and set his hand on his son's back. "It's the greatest and maybe in a few days, when the Artemis gets back, I'll take you flying."

--------  
TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter:** 8

**Note:** This fic's rating may go up for the next chapter. And thank you for all the kind reviews - I'm so sorry I haven't gotten around to replying to each one individually lately - I will do better I promise!

--------

The party continued on joyfully around the camp, the fire light and torches holding back the thick darkness of the night. The camp had not been so full in years and the constant sound of voices was broken only with laughter and the sparkling noise of the Artemis' transporter as more people arrived and others departed back to their duties.

Yet, though she had spoken to almost all of them and talked happily with the new people from Earth, she had spent most of the evening sat here her hand tightly clasped with John's. Her sons sat around her along with her long lost friends and those closest in the camp, all exchanging stories and recalling old adventures from the days of Atlantis. Teyla's heart was full as she sat beside John, his warmth against her side, and she listened to the laughter of her friends that she had never thought to hear again. The firelight glowed over all their faces, highlighting their joy and making her smile wider to see them all so well and, despite the years that had past, their faces were exactly the same.

Torren's back was a gentle weight resting against her leg where he sat on the ground beside her seat, his enjoyment clear at hearing of his first home that had been the city of the Ancestors. Korlan sat beside him, his laughter the loudest as Ronon recounted the story of a recent fishing trip to a planet in Earth's home galaxy. John's laptop had pride of place in the centre of their small group within the celebrations. She focused on the photo currently displayed and grinned at the picture of Carson barely able to support the massive fish in his arms.

"He didn't really catch it himself," Rodney muttered.

Ronon turned from his tending of the fire. "This again?"

John chuckled beside her, the sound deep and satisfying for her.

"It took three of us to help him reel it in!" Rodney protested, but Teyla could see his true amusement in the story. She was glad to see that the subject of fishing trips with Carson no longer held the same painful torture for him from before.

"He hooked it, Rodney," John argued as he leant forward slightly, pointing to the computer. "Bring up the next one, J.J." Junior dutifully pressed the correct area of the screen to change the image and the next photo showed the rest of her old team along with Major Lorne struggling with Carson on the fishing rod. "And the next one," John asked of J.J with a smile in his voice. The next image caught a moment in which Rodney had clearly lost his grip on the bank and was falling into the water. Everyone laughed. Junior pressed touched the screen again somehow knowing what the next picture would hold. Teyla grinned at the next photo of Rodney scrambling up the bank again, dripping wet, with water plants clinging to his shoulders.

"Great, a giant alien fish almost kills me and you all think it's funny," Rodney muttered and Teyla could see the new redness to his cheeks. It pleased her no end to see these pictures of her friends' lives from the past twenty years, and to see brief shots of new members of their families, yet in seeing their faces gently change as the photos progressed through time made her once again feel the weight of the lost years.

She dropped her eyes to John's hand tucked around hers where they rested on one of his long strong thighs pressed against hers. She rubbed her thumb gently over his thumb, studying his fingers in the half flickering light. She vividly remembered holding his hand like this so many times in the past and that image hovered in her mind's eye as she looked at their hands intertwined now. Both of their hands held the subtle signs of their age; deeper creases, worn calluses and she spied a thin whiter line of a scar across the base of his thumb. She ran the pad of her thumb along the faded line that spoke of an injury superficial yet deep enough to leave its mark, and she wondered what had caused it. Had it been a wound cut into him during a hand to hand battle, or perhaps had he simply accidently cut himself whilst fishing with his friends? She wondered how many other scars he had accumulated and how many of them would be visible. Old wounds of her own had mostly faded or were beyond eyes to see, such as the ache in her chest as she remembered her thoughts earlier today. She had feared that perhaps he had not survived the destruction of Atlantis, or had left to join the Ancestors during some unknown mission in his home galaxy. It could have so easily have happened and she wondered how close she had come to losing him over the past twenty years. The thin edge of fate had held him fast to this life and had allowed this moment to happen once again – when she could hold his hand again and feel his warmth against her side.

His fingers tightened slightly around hers and she watched the movement with a smile, knowing he had become aware of either her study or her reflective mood. She grazed her thumb along the scar again and looked up at him. His attention was on her, the golden red light of the fire painting his face in beautiful colours and sharp defining shadows. The same changes of age could be seen in his face, and she wondered if he found her less attractive for her own changes with time. He smiled at her, the lines at the edges of his eyes crinkling pleasingly, showing her that he had found enough times to smile over the past years to leave its mark. Faint lines across his forehead told her that he had spent more time contemplating and worrying. Her eyes travelled up to his hair, still resisting control, though now well peppered with grey and she wondered how much of his beard would be grey if he grew it out. The signs of time had not diminished his attractiveness in the least, but even if it had taken him a further two decades to reach her, and they had been aged and barely able to walk, she would still have loved his face. It was a face she had loved for a long time and nothing would change that.

He remained still under her silent gaze, still and at ease in a way that had been rare for him twenty years before. Memories drifted into her mind of those silent times between them so long ago and she recalled with a smile that most of those occasions had been located in a bed. Though she recalled one particular time had been spent on a silent balcony one night, overlooking the wide ocean around the city. The Wraith had killed two of Lorne's team and the entire city had been covered with a heavy sadness. She and John had sat alone on a balcony watching the moons' light across the water, a warm blanket around them, and had sat in relaxed silence for the longest time. She remembered his chest against her back that night and the circle of his arms around her, keeping the cold night at bay, as they had sat lost in their own thoughts but remaining with each other. He had stroked her hair she remembered and his lips had grazed against her temple from time to time.

She looked to his eyes now, twenty years later, and saw that past the changes to his face that spoke of his tough life and the touch of sadness around his mouth, that he was still the exact same man. The same soul looked back out at her and she smiled. His lips lifted as he smiled softly in return and she watched his eyes slid over her face in turn, and she wondered which memories he recalled that brought such a sparkle to his eyes. His tight hold of her hand loosened ever so slightly and his thumb dropped between their palms to graze across her palm. The touch, so simple, felt electric. She dropped her eyes to their hands and leant further against the warmth of his body. There was so much she wished to share, yet strangely at the same time it felt as if there was nothing that needed to be said – they were back together.

She did not know how long they all sat out under the stars that night, but even after the Artemis had departed from orbit and most of the camp had retired to their tents, she and her friends and family had remained. The fire had dimmed allowing the night's true light to glimmer down on them all and the joviality of the evening morphed into a gentle quiet meditative mood. Ronon lay on his back by the fire, her boys stretched out beside him, as they all stared up at the night sky. Rodney sat across from them, slumped sleepily across two chairs.

"Can we see the planet the Artemis is travelling to from here?" Junior asked with a hushed voice that the night seemed to encourage.

"Maybe," Rodney uttered sleepily.

She and John had shifted to sit on the ground, their backs pressed against their former seats, and Teyla laid her head back against the warmed wood to look up to the dark sky. The stars sparkled above her. The air was chilled against her face and she let out a long soft breath, watching as the cloud of her breath drifted into the darkness.

"Do you have names for them?" Ronon asked.

"That one," Torren replied. "We call that the 'Great Archer'." Teyla did not need to see her son's extended arm to know where he was pointing, after all she had been the one to teach her sons these names. John dipped his head further towards hers in a silent question and she smiled as she pointed towards the collection of stars. She watched as John's breath ghosted out into the cold air alongside her own.

"Doesn't look much like an archer to me," Rodney muttered.

"It is said that the Great Archer guided his people to safety by the stars during his life," Torren replied, his voice soft and knowledgeable. "And then when he went to join the Ancestors he set new stars in the sky so that his people could always find their way home."

They fell into soft silence, all eyes turned up to the sky. Today John had been brought home and Teyla sent up a silent prayer of thanks to the Ancestors, to the Great Archer, for any part they may have played in guiding her love, and Junior's father, back to them.

A soft snoring broke through her thoughts and she lifted her head as John did beside her. Rodney snored again, only to be woken by their laughter.

"I think it is time we turned in for the night," Teyla suggested as she looked down at her sons. She was surprised to see that Korlan was already asleep, his hands folded over his chest as he slept comfortably on the ground. Ronon smiled at him and then up at Teyla. She suspected that Ronon would remain out here tonight, though his bags were stored away in one of the guest tents for him.

"I'll stay out here for a while," Ronon said in response to her silent question. He looked back up to the sky. "I've missed these stars." Teyla smiled at him and nodded solemnly. His life now may be back in Earth's home galaxy, but Pegasus had been his first home. Rodney muttered sleepily that the stars wouldn't look the same from here as from Sateda, but they both ignored him. She understood.

"I look forward to talking tomorrow," she said softly to Ronon. He no doubt would have wonderful stories to tell her and she wanted to know all the details of his life. He grinned as he settled back onto the ground, his blanket bundled up into a pillow under his head rather than over him.

"We have some more blankets," Junior suggested. "We could set out a small campsite here." Apparently Junior liked the idea of sleeping out under the stars tonight as well.

Teyla stood up carefully, her body rather stiff from a night spent sat so still in the cold air. John groaned quietly from beside her as he stretched out his legs and handed over their blanket to Junior. "Enjoy your camping," John said with a smile in his voice as he stood up beside her.

Teyla bent down to press a kiss to Junior's and Torren's foreheads, as was her night custom with all her sons. But, this time she moved along to Ronon as well and pressed her lips to his forehead. Korlan was fast asleep so she kissed her fingertips and touched them lightly against his forehead before she stood up again.

"You staying out here, Rodney?" John asked, but the snoring had started again, echoing through their small corner of the camp. Teyla chuckled as she stepped over Ronon's long legs to the sleeping Rodney and she pressed her lips to his forehead as well. He woke as she did so and she smiled down at his sleepy eyes as she straightened.

"Good night, Rodney," she said softly. He smiled up at her, but his eyes drifted closed again. Teyla frowned over at John. "I think he would be more comfortable in his guest tent."

"Do not worry, Mother, I will see that he gets there," Torren offered from his seat by the dim fire to which he was adding another log.

"Thank you, Torren," she whispered as she stepped away from Rodney. "Good night," she said to them all.

"Good night, Mother," Torren and Junior replied, and Ronon copied with a chuckle.

"Good night, Dad," Junior added to John.

"Night, J.J," John replied with a smile.

Teyla caught her middle son's happy smile before he turned and laid back down on the ground to look up at the sky alongside Ronon, already pointing out another constellation.

As she reached John's side, Teyla reached for his hand again and they both walked away towards the small village of tents, Rodney's snoring echoing again as the darkness enfolded around them.

The air was even colder away from the protective heat of the fire, but John's hand was warm in hers and she huddled against the cold as she led John towards her tent. His bag was already in her tent and she felt a renewed burst of joy at the knowledge that he would once again sleep beside her tonight.

--------  
TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter:** 9

**Note:** Okay, so it's been about 5 months since I last posted a chapter for this fic! Thank you for all the reviews and gentle nudges to continue it since then. I have written a further 5 chapters so far, though delayed with more following my Dad breaking his hip (ouch), but back writing now. To help _force_ myself back into writing, I am going to start posting the chapters up for this fic, and hope that the inspiration continues to flow.

**Note2: **I would **HIGHLY **recommend that you re-read this fic from the start. As a reminder - this was written as an future fic stemming from an AU version of Season 5 and is a sequel to a former fic of mine titled 'The Middle Son'. The rating of this fic may alter in future chapters (okay, it will change, but I'm holding back on when for some suspense).

------

The tent was dark inside, though the dim night light from outside spilled in around Teyla as she pushed open the tent's entrance. John followed her inside, her hand still in his, only for him to pause once inside. The long remembered scents and feel of an Athosian tent washed over him once again. The scent of Teyla's favourite incense lingered in the air, just as he remembered, the scent bringing with it so many abrupt vivid memories.

The smell of the leather and fabrics of the tent, the faint living smell of the compacted earth of the floor – all of it combined to create the unforgettable sense of an Athosian home. That sense swamped him with memories and a renewed sense of loss. He had thought his memory of his times with Teyla had been acutely, painfully, precise in detail over the past twenty years, but the truth now was that there had been tiny details that he had forgotten. Remembering was so different from the reality of it, such as the simple experience of standing in her home once again.

Her hand tugged free of his, drawing his attention back to the present moment, and he looked round to see the shadow of her moving within the darkness away from him across the tent.

"I forgot to light a fire to warm the tent earlier," she said softly. "The fire will warm quickly." John could faintly see the counter around which she moved; her cooking area, the same shape and size that he remembered. A clicking sound heralded a burst of flame as the small cooking fire lit. The light it emitted was faint, but in the darkness of the tent, it lit up all the details for John.

He looked away from Teyla, around the tent, and again nostalgia hit him. There was so much that he remembered. Just to his right, near the tent's entrance, sat his bag which J.J had put in here for him, and John moved to it, pulling it open to push the laptop he still held back inside. He pulled off his boots, setting them beside Teyla's discarded ones, though most of his attention was locked on the tent around him. He straightened and moved forward, taking in as much of the tent as he could. He recognised several small items on the side, statues and wooden vases, even a few pieces of furniture and one particular rug on the floor.

"Is this the same tent?" He asked her, glancing back at her through the faint light. She was crouched by the fire, feeding twigs to the flames. The firelight created a halo of light around her as she looked round at him. The shadow over her face prevented him from seeing her expression, but when she spoke he could hear her smile.

"Yes, now more so than ever," she replied.

He angled his head as a question as he moved on further around her tent.

"With Korlan's departure to his own tent, the extensions to the tent were removed and it is once again simply as it was before," she explained. John thought he heard both pleasure and sadness in her voice.

John glanced at the tent wall near him. As he remembered it, the Athosian tents were expanded by attaching smaller tents, like extensions, to the sides of the main tent. He reached out towards what looked like new stitching in the wall and pulled back a hanging fur blanket. A semi circle of stitching came into view – this would have been the entrance to where one of the boys slept, where Korlan had slept until recently. He let the fur drop back into place and smiled over at Teyla as he moved onwards.

"You missing Korlan?" He asked with as light a tone as he could though still asking her an emotional question.

Across the tent, he saw her turn back to the flames and the firelight highlighted her face again, and her soft smile. "At times yes, though not his snoring," she added.

John chuckled at that as he circled the main area, moving pass a table with two long benches beside it, which, though new to him, looked well worn. He guessed this was where Teyla and her boys had sat to eat every day. Where his son had sat as he grew up, learning to eat by himself, to talk and over which he no doubt bantered with his brothers. John found the mental image both amusing and deeply sad. He looked away from the table to the other more familiar pieces of furniture, all of them holding strange little memories.

"I recognise a lot," he said quietly, running his hand along the edge of a dark wooden side table. "This was Charin's, wasn't it?" he asked looking back round to Teyla.

"Yes, it was," Teyla replied, clearly surprised that he remembered. Mainly because he had helped Ronon carry the heavy thing out of storage for her back when her people had moved to New Athos. Though, he also remembered its place in this tent, and that she used to keep Torren's toys in one of the lower cupboards. As he moved past it, he ran his fingers along the front edge, which now held the natural nicks and scratches gained from being moved around and probably from having kids climbing all over it for so many years. He wondered if J.J had climbed up on its surface when he was young, because John remembered Torren had tried when he was far too tiny to reach its edge.

The side table led him to the screen that partly sectioned off the living area from the sleeping area beyond. He paused, his eyes having immediately latched onto the large bed inside. This area held many memories and, despite the years of recalling them, they felt vivid and new again somehow. He ran his eyes around the sleeping area, focusing on the details and not the flush of warmth to his body. Candles still stood on almost every flat surface Teyla could find, including a large bulky candle on her bedside table. She still preferred to sleep on the left side of the bed. Though, as he finally ran his eyes over the bed, he began to note some differences. The headboard was different and the bed looked slightly bigger, or was that again reality meeting memories? He turned back towards Teyla, to see her watching him from the fireside.

"The bed's new though," he pointed out to her. He wasn't sure why that particular point bothered him, though he kept his voice light and amused again for her benefit. In his own head however, he was wondering how long ago she had gotten rid of the old bed on which the two of them had enjoyed many long nights, and often quite large spells during the day as well. He wondered if it had been replaced when she had moved in with Kanaan, or had she gotten rid of it before that. He felt kind of sad that the old bed wasn't here anymore.

Teyla chuckled softly. "It is. The old one was broken by the boys," she told him clearly smiling, though he couldn't see her face with her back to the fire.

John glanced back to the bed, relieved that the old bed had been broken rather than simply replaced, though the symbolism of their old bed having been 'broken' was not lost on him. He focused instead on what she had told him and he imagined the usual ways kids broke beds. He looked round at Teyla. "Jumping on it?" He asked and she laughed.

"Yes, and as you may have noticed, they are all very strong boys," she added.

John grinned. "It's good to know that kids still bounce on beds in whatever galaxy," he replied.

"I did not see it so amusing at the time," she said, though she was clearly still smiling. "I returned to the tent to find all three of them sat far too quietly around the fire preparing the late meal. Very suspicious behaviour," she explained and John smiled at the mental image she created. "Korlan was only about four years old and I had only to stand above them silently for him to immediately tell me what they had all done." She chuckled. "I walked to where you are now and saw that the bed had completely cracked across the middle, and that they had tried to cover it with the bed throw to hide the damage."

John glanced back at the newer bed, but saw only the image of a broken bed, the place where he had formed many strong and emotional memories of Teyla. In fact, a lot had happened around that bed so long ago, including two particular moments that, though themselves far apart, had determined the course his relationship with Teyla from friendship to so much more.

---------

_**Twenty-one years and 6 months before **_

The camp was busy around John, as it so often was nowadays, but half of the people moving around the camp were not Athosians, but medical staff moving from the campsite's main cooking fire back to the medical tents Carson had established on the far side of the camp. The medical tents had taken up most of the camp when the settlement had first been set up, some six months ago following Michael's death and the rescue of the Athosians. Now, the medical tents were fewer and no longer the full time hospitals that they had once been, but now more like day case centres for rehabilitation for the recovering Athosians affected by Michael. They were all human again, but many of them were still unwell and there was a constant movement of medical staff to and from the camp from Atlantis.

John wasn't here for them though, he was here because she was late, again. Teyla had been splitting her time between Atlantis and the Athosian camp, but her time keeping had been getting worse. She had been coming back to help in the camp almost daily and had even put up her old Athosian tent to stay over when needed. She had been driven to help her people recover and John had respected that, even when she had officially returned to her duties in the team, but today, as with last week, she had not turned up for a duty shift after staying in the Athosian camp overnight. At first he had put it down to her being so busy, though his mind had traitorously imagined that perhaps it was due to her personal attention she had been giving Kanaan. He knew better than that, for he had seen her working hard in the tents, helping as many as she could. When she had arrived late for that previous shift, she had apologised and John had of course brushed it aside, but she had been looking distracted during missions and that worried him.

When she did arrive for duty shifts she looked rather hurried, as if she had rushed there and though he did get to spend time with her for some of the city's social events, he had seen her around less. Most of her time off duty was spent in the Athosian camp and that decision of hers was affecting her work on duty. When she hadn't turned up on time today, still two hours late now by his watch, he had decided to take the opportunity to talk to her. So, he was now on his way to find her and have 'the discussion' he had been avoiding facing with her. He really didn't want to have to ask her about how things were in her personal life – it wasn't his business in most respects and he really didn't want to hear about Kanaan. But it was affecting her work now and he was forced to this. He didn't want to bring it to Woolsey's attention, or anyone else's other than the team's, so he would have this quiet conversation with her and go from there. He planned to suggest she lessen her hours with the team and perhaps, he hated to think it, but perhaps it would be best if she stepped away from the team again, until the Athosians no longer needed her as much. He hated it, but it had to be done.

She hadn't been in the medical tents, or around the framework being constructed for the latest of new tents put up for those who no longer needed to stay in the medical tents. He suspected she would be in her tent, which would be helpfully private for their conversation.

He pushed open the entrance flap to her tent. The scents of incense, baby and new leather surrounded him as he leant into her home, glancing around to the cooking area and the seating area looking for her, but saw nothing. She could be in the back of the tent, and judging by the fact that the cooking fire was still alight, she might be. He opened his mouth to call out and then remembered, and he now did, that he shouldn't call out when there was a possible sleeping baby inside. The last time someone had done that Teyla had made them, and it had been Ronon, rock Torren back to sleep. Ronon hadn't minded, as none of them did with little baby Torren, though Rodney was still reluctant to hold the kid, for fear of dropping him again.

He moved further into the tent, the flap dropping down behind him, and he called her name quietly, but there was nothing. He was about to turn and leave when he noticed that Torren's baby bag was sat on the table – Teyla never went anywhere without it, or whoever it was looking after Torren. John had used that bag himself, when he and Ronon had volunteered to look after the boy once or twice. That Torren had survived and he and Ronon had been able to hold it all together, had been a great event for them. So, it was odd that the bag was here, because that meant Torren was in here and then so would Teyla. What if Kanaan was here as well? There might be a good reason why Teyla hadn't replied from the back of the tent…John frowned at his wandering thoughts as he moved further into the tent to where he could see slightly into the sleeping area in the back. He immediately saw Teyla laid out along one side, Torren's crib stood nearby. He held back his relief for a few moments as he moved closer, worried that she was okay, but as he neared the entrance to the sleeping area he could already see her chest rising and lowering with her breathing. She was dressed in her Atlantis uniform and probably had laid down for a rest before leaving. She had overslept, that was all.

He moved in closer to wake her up without calling to her and perhaps waking up Torren. He peered into the crib to see that Torren was as fast asleep as his mother and John was pleased with himself for having remembered not to call out and wake the kid. He turned his attention to Teyla. He reached out to shake her shoulder, but he paused. She was fast asleep, lying on one side, one cheek pooled on top of one hand as she slept. Her face was completely relaxed, but his attention was drawn to the dark circles under her eyes and her slightly pale complexion. She didn't look ill, but she did look exhausted. He pulled back his hand and straightened, full of sudden indecision. He knew where she was, so maybe he should just let her sleep some more, because clearly she was very tired. This revelation only confirmed all his previous thoughts – she was stretching herself far too thin. She looked smaller here on her large double bed and he felt a squeeze in his chest at the sight of her. He looked at the blankets across the bed behind her, thinking to cover her, but she was lying over them. He frowned down at her, looking so small and still, and it bothered him deeply. This was the very reason why he had wanted to talk to her, only now his concerns were further informed by the discovery that her actions were impacting her health.

To his left Torren let out a sleepy grumble, drawing John's attention down to the baby. Torren stretched his little arms up and out, but settled quickly back into deep sleep.

Not only was she rushing around trying to get everything done, but she had a six month old baby to look after, almost entirely by herself. He looked back to her sleeping face, only to see her eyes were opening.

"Hey," he greeted her quietly, wanting to make sure she was aware of his presence in her bedroom.

She drew in a quick breath as she opened her eyes further, blinking up at him. "What time is it?" She asked hurriedly, looking around with the heavy lidded look of the truly sleepy. John assumed she was looking for her watch, which sat on her bedside table. He handed it to her.

"Its two hours later than you think it is," he told her with a smile, but her expression was stricken as she took the watch from him.

"I am late," she said with regret. "I am sorry, John," she said quickly as she sat up, her hand flattening her hair and running down to her cheek as she struggled to wake up properly. "I am ready to leave now." She moved to stand up, but John held out a hand. He didn't want her to leave the bed, because there was no point now. She had missed the mission and it would probably be best if she just went back to sleep after he left.

"No hurry, Lorne's team went on the mission with Rodney," he informed her and he felt a flush of regret at her look of embarrassment.

"I am so sorry. I neglected to set the alarm to wake me," she explained as she sat back down on the side of the bed, still looking sleepy and dismayed. "I had only intended to lie down for a few moments."

John pulled forward a stool that was nearby and, after removing a packet of wet wipes from its surface, he sat down opposite her. "You look like you needed the sleep," he told her and he saw in her face that she immediately understood what worried him and what he would was about to say.

She took in a deep breath, her eyes clearer and more alert now, but there was also a painful level of regret in her expression and John hated being in this situation with her, but they needed to address it.

"I realise that I have been rather tardy of late," she began.

"Only once before," he interrupted her. "Though, I've noticed that you haven't seemed as…alert as usual," he decided was the best way to put it.

She looked away, down to Torren, but John suspected she needed to gather her thoughts. "I have been spending too much time here in the camp," she concluded.

John leant forward, setting his elbows on his knees. "Teyla," he interrupted her before she went into berating herself. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to help your people, we all respect that, but…"

"I am endangering the rest of the team with my tiredness," she replied, her eyes lifting back to his and he saw her usual strength and confidence had returned.

"Teyla, on your worst day, you're always going to be better than half of those stationed in the city," he assured her with a smile, but her returned smile was strained like she did not belief him, but appreciated his comment. "What I'm…worried…about is that you're going to get hurt, or you're going to get sick pushing yourself like this," he told her honesty.

"My people are growing stronger each day, and Torren is growing fast," she began in reply. "I will limit my time in the camp."

John hated this. "Teyla, your people need your help, and you've got Torren to take care of as well," he glanced down at the still sleeping boy.

Teyla straightened her back at that, breathing in again in the way that told him that she was feeling pushed. "I am able to cope and once Kanaan is able to help care for Torren…"

She had a fair point. Perhaps all she needed was some time – time for the Athosians to need her less, for Kanaan to get stronger, and for Torren to need her less. She was banking on that, he realised, pushing herself because she knew that things would improve. Typical Teyla positive thinking.

"That'll be great, but maybe, until then, you should reduce your hours with the team," he suggested carefully, knowing it was a delicate subject for them both. Her surprised look confirmed that, as well as the annoyance that momentarily flared in her eyes.

"You were the one who was so insistent that I decide to return to the team," she argued, and that only told him how tired she was.

"I wanted you to make a choice, whichever one was right for you," he argued back despite himself. "I would have respected your choice to stay with your son and your people."

"But, now that you see I am unable to fulfil my part of the team…"

"I never said that," he interrupted her shortly. He caught himself before he got angry. Why was it that over the last year he and Teyla had argued so much? He had rarely, if ever, had argued with her before then, but now they seemed quick to reach that point too easily. He hated it, and today he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. "I'm just saying that I'm worried about you." He knew that she could not argue with that sentiment.

"I am fine, John," she replied passionately, leaning forward slightly as she tried to convince him.

"You are two hours late for a mission," he reminded her, but kept his voice light.

She sat back again and schooled her features. "I know and I apologise."

"You're tired, Teyla, you've been pushing yourself too much," he told her plainly.

"Everybody in Atlantis does so, at some point," she replied.

"No, because unlike you, the rest of us don't have a baby to take of, as well as everything else you do," he pointed out. "Look, I'm not saying that you can't handle things, I'm just suggesting that you take some more time to care for Torren and your people. You can come back to the team whenever you want." He looked at her directly, making sure she could see how honestly he meant his offer. Her eyes studied his for a long moment before she looked down and her shoulders dropped slightly. Her expression relaxed once again, and he realised how much of a show she had been putting on for him, perhaps for all of them for quite some time.

"I do not wish to leave Atlantis, John," she told him quietly.

John glanced away, his emotional limit almost used up for the day, and seeing her look of controlled admitted sorrow upset him. This was Teyla – she was strong, bold and confident. Yet, the truth was she was a woman with many responsibilities she had taken on herself. She had lost a lot, and had almost lost all her people and the father of her child. Something had changed in her on the day they had disappeared and now, despite their return for the most part, the dark sadness in her from that day still remained. John wondered if she blamed herself or something, but it wasn't his place to ask such things. But, her place on his team was important and all their safety was his responsibility. He wouldn't put her in danger's way just to cater to her pride, but at the same time, he knew how important the team was to her, and how much it was to him too.

"I'm not saying you should leave Atlantis," he replied quietly. "I'm saying that you have a lot on your plate right now, along with having to take care of Torren. I mean, how much time do you get to spend with him?" John asked, thinking maybe he could use that angle to his advantage.

Teyla's eyes dropped to her son and a flash of concern passed over her face that made John wish he hadn't said anything. "I have him with me as much as I can," she replied, but he could hear the tiredness in her voice again. He looked down at Torren and a new thought occurred to him. He looked back at her.

"Why haven't you asked for help with him?" He asked her.

Teyla looked surprised by his question. "What do you mean?"

"I know you have people here and someone on Atlantis taking care of him when you're off world on a mission, but what about when you visit here? Why don't you leave him in Atlantis with one of us, then you could focus on helping your people without having to be a mom as well. You're doing three jobs at once, Teyla."

"I wished to be with Torren as much as possible, and…I did not think it right to ask others to care for him in my absence," she replied.

John looked at her, seeing her tiredness, her annoyance at him pushing her and at her own inner conflicts that he couldn't all name. He didn't want to lose her from the city, from his team, or as the friend she had always been to him. Their friendship had been altered considerably by her pregnancy and the arguments they had shared since then had only pointed out to him that the distance he had hoped to create between them had not been wholly successful. All he had managed to do was to put a strain on their friendship, that it had survived at all was amazing really. Had he really been a friend to her these past months? He had seen she was struggling, but he hadn't done anything to help. He hadn't wanted to get any further emotionally involved, but he already was and not helping her wouldn't change that. The truth was that he hadn't wanted to spend more time with her because it might stir up those old feelings, and the chance of seeing her more with Kanaan…he hadn't wanted to go there.

He looked away from her down to Torren. All she needed was some help until Kanaan was better, and maybe some time to get some sleep. He looked at her.

"How about this…you consider Woolsey's offer as working as a consultant and not on permanent assignment to the team, you can always change your mind later and I'll fight tooth and claw to get you back on my team," he assured her before she interrupted. "That way you get to reduce your hours, still staying in the city and helping out here as much as you need, and you start using more baby sitters in the city. I'll take Torren as much as I can," he offered.

She looked surprised at his offer, as he was a little, but he meant it. She looked a little speechless, so he pressed his argument.

"You can leave him with me for the evenings that you're here, or working on a mission. And Keller's offered to babysit for you," he added wondering that perhaps she might not be all that keen on leaving her son with him that frequently. "Just, you know, until Kanaan and the others are stronger."

He went silent, letting her make her decision. She looked down at Torren and then back up to him. "You do not have to watch over him for me, John," she said, though he thought there was a subtle question to it.

"I don't mind, I'd like to look after him some more," John replied turning to look down at the kid, who was now mostly awake, blinking his little eyes up at them watching him. John reached in and rubbed Torren's little belly and the baby sighed and closed his eyes again. Rather pleased at the impromptu show of babysitting skills, John looked back at Teyla. "That way you get the time you need with your people and those of us in Atlantis get to influence Torren far more than you ever would have allowed us to."

She finally smiled and he knew that he had won. She rubbed a hand over her face, setting her chin in her hand. "Until my people no longer need me as much, I would welcome the assistance." He smiled up at her, pleased that this had gone so much better than he had hoped – she was staying in the city and she wasn't too upset with him for forcing the point.

Torren grumbled from under John's hand and this time John knew the sound wasn't going to stop with just a touch of reassurance. Okay, his babysitting skills would be put to the test right away. He reached into the crib and picked up the boy, already aware that the nappy was definitely going to have to be changed.

He realised, belatedly, that he had just offered to change a lot of nappies in his future.

-------  
TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter:** 10

**Warning:** Some fluffiness ahead in this chapter.

_0000000000_

_**Twenty-one years ago and 4 months earlier**_

The medical tents had once stretched twice the distance of the main camp, but today only two medical tents still stood. It pleased Teyla no end to see that development, knowing that those who had been cared for in those medical tents now were well enough to live in their homes once again. Though a few had been lost, and some remained scarred and sick from the experiment Michael had wrought upon the Athosians, for the most part her people had once again triumphed over great adversity. Her people were strong and proud, and they were also tried and tested survivors.

Teyla wiped her hands on the cloth at her waist, cleaning away the ointment she had been massaging into Hakon's leg. Michael's experiments on him were unknown in their eventual aim, but whatever it was had crippled Hakon's leg, but it was improving. With daily massage, physiotherapy and his own determination to regain his leg's strength, meant that Hakon would win over what Michael had done to him.

"There you go, my friend," she said as she stepped back, resisting the urge to reach out to help Hakon sit upright on the low medical bed.

He let out a sigh as he sat up, but it was not one rooted in pain, but in relief. "Thank you, Teyla."

Teyla smiled, keeping her hands on her cloth as Hakon worked to shift himself round on the bed. He grasped his crutches, and, as he always did, he got up without any assistance. Today he seemed significantly more stable as he stood. She smiled up at him and he grinned back.

"It is improving with each day," he told her as he properly gripped the handles of his crutches. "I hope little Torren will be assisting you again soon," he added with another smile.

"We both know that Torren does not really 'help'," she replied smiling in return. The last time Torren had been here he had distracted everybody so much that little work had gotten done. He was a child very happy to enjoy cuddles from anyone and he had begun to develop a happy little giggle that people were tempted to provoke to hear it.

"He reminds us of the new life of our people, that helps us all," Hakon replied seriously.

She nodded. "I agree. Though, surely Meela will soon be supplying more new life for us all." They both looked to where Meela was perched on the edge of a nearby bed, rubbing her hand around her huge swollen pregnant belly. She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. Beside her, her sister lay as the bandages on her legs were changed.

"I would be happy to supply more life _at any time_," Meela replied loudly down at her belly. "Truly – at any time now." They laughed at her, though Teyla sympathised, remembering how it had felt to be that large and uncomfortable at the end of a pregnancy. It was good that they could all smile again, especially as it was a sad point that Meela's child would be born with no father to love it, Michael having stolen that chance from many of the children in the camp. Teyla was glad that Torren had been saved of that at least.

Her duties now complete, Teyla said her goodbyes and left the medical tents. The camp was a buzz with activity most days, as the settlement was further established. There was a new energy in the air now that most of her people had been returned to health. She herself felt that new energy, though she felt rather tired. She had spent the morning assisting in a new trade agreement for Atlantis with a rather difficult people called the Bachians, and then she had worked here all afternoon. Torren was back in Atlantis with Jennifer, or perhaps Lucy if Jennifer had been called on duty. Either way, her son was well cared for and she knew that she did not have to rush to return to Atlantis. Yet, she wished to return quickly today. For some reason this day she craved the silent rooms and the ocean breeze sliding around the balconies of Atlantis.

She neared her tent, which stood alongside Kanaan's newly constructed tent. His had been torn apart by Michael's group so she had helped to patch it up again whilst he was still living in the medical tents. He had been living in his repaired tent again for several weeks now and it pleased her to see his health returned. She felt confident now that he could care for Torren alone, but knew that he was quickly tired, so rarely left him with the duty alone for long. Carson said that Michael's alterations had affected Kanaan's heart, but that he should be well enough to live a normal life, except that he wasn't quite up to the same physical strength as before. She knew that it bothered Kanaan that he could no longer perform the heavy lifting of farm work as he had before. His strength was increasing each day, but he would never be as he was.

She paused at the open entrance to his tent and saw that he was sat inside with Halling. The two men smiled up at her as she entered.

"Greetings, Teyla," Halling said. "How is Meela?"

"Still grumbling at her belly," she replied with a smile. Halling laughed as he stood up from the small table at which he had been sat with Kanaan.

"I will visit her now. Kanaan and I have decided on the lower valleys for the new farmland. It will mean a little further to transport equipment and the harvest, but the river will be much closer."

"I agree," Teyla replied. Kanaan had been playing a much larger role of leadership of late. She had to wonder if his weakened heart had perhaps finally given him the impetus to take up that mantle, or had it simply been in response to their peoples' need? She had always known he had that ability, but she was especially glad to see that it might assist him through his weakened state.

"I will see you both tomorrow, and hopefully another Athosian will have joined us during the night," Halling said as he left.

"Good night, Halling," Teyla called to him, though she was not entirely sure if she would be back in the camp tomorrow, it depended on what response Mr Woolsey had from the Bachians.

"How is Hakon?" Kanaan asked as he rolled up the maps of the surrounding area he and Halling had been working on.

"He seems considerably stronger today," she informed him.

"That is good to hear," Kanaan replied as he put away the map. He too looked strong and happy today. "Would you like to walk with me down to the new fields?"

Teyla glanced at her Earth-issued watch. "Perhaps another day, I am due back in the city."

Kanaan nodded as he stood up and moved around the table. "Returning to our son," he said with a smile.

Teyla nodded and as he leant in, she pressed her lips softly to his. "You could return with me," she reminded him.

"I would, but I have agreed to walk down to the fields to assess the area one last time before we start clearing tomorrow. Will you bring Torren with you tomorrow?"

"I may not be able to visit tomorrow, it depends on how the trading negotiations develop," she replied.

"Of course," Kanaan replied. "I would visit myself, but we need everyone down at the fields that we can spare so that we can catch the planting season in time."

Teyla nodded. "I know. I will bring Torren back with me the day after tomorrow hopefully and I will try to stay as long as I can to help with the new fields."

Kanaan moved with her to the open exit of this tent. "I miss you and our son beside me, Teyla," he confessed to her quietly, as he often did. Teyla always felt the heavy weight of guilt and regret when she heard his words. She felt conflicted on the subject of where her and her son lived, as Kanaan seemed unwilling yet to move to Atlantis with her. She wondered if he ever would, especially as he was clearly enjoying his new role in the camp.

"You may think differently in two night's time, for Torren has been complaining a lot of late. He cries most of the evening and into the night for no clear reason," she told him.

"You said he is well though?" Kanaan asked, though she had already assured him of that.

"Yes, Doctor Keller checked him over and even passed the Ancestor medical scanner over him. He is well, just perhaps going through a difficult stage." Teyla had to wonder if she was in part responsible. She did not leave her son for many hours each day, but it was rare that she spent an entire day with Torren. She regretted that, but knew that her job was important both in Atlantis and here with her people. When Kanaan was stronger, perhaps he could care for their son more, though his time seemed well filled as well. For now, Torren had many who loved to care for him in Atlantis, and surprisingly his most frequent babysitter had turned out to be John.

She had been surprised and very touched by John's offer to help care for Torren. At first she had not wanted to impose on him too much as he always seemed very busy, but soon it had became clear that John enjoyed the babysitting. Torren always seemed very relaxed with John and often Ronon and Rodney would join the babysitting evening with John. Seeing them that way made her feel slightly better about having left the team, at least for now, for in this new way her team was still together. When she joined them they often all sat together for several hours, just as they used to, even if it was into the late hours of the night. She loved those times and took great pleasure in seeing her son sleeping in the arms of his adopted uncles. It was also highly amusing that those three men, who one would not immediately put forward as potentially doting carers, were rather besotted with Torren. Yet, it was with John that Torren spent a large part of his time, though not as much recently. A recent crisis with a group of Genii deserters targeting the city and those from Atlantis off world, had put John on duty far beyond his normal hours and consequently he hadn't been able to babysit too much. However, only two days ago the Genii deserters had finally been captured. Teyla was grateful to the Ancestors for that, for not only did it remove a potential danger for those in Atlantis, but it also meant that John would be spending more time with her and Torren again.

She had enjoyed spending more time with John again, as it had felt as if their friendship had suffered greatly since that day on which she had told him of her pregnancy. She had been surprised at John's anger at that time, though had eventually understood it for the most part, but at the length at which he held it against her had worried her. Though they had apologised to each other, it seemed as if something had been broken that day, which she had been unable to put back together. Lately though, through his volunteered care of Torren, she had begun to spend more time with him again and she felt their friendship had grown again, though still not quite the same as it had once been. It still bothered her, but it did not seem to concern John, so she was happy with things as they were. The only concern she had was that John would likely miss Torren's company once Kanaan took a larger role in the boy's care.

"You must make sure you get enough sleep yourself, Teyla," Kanaan told her, his warm hand landing on her arm, pulling her from her wayward thoughts.

"Yes, as long as our son allows me too," she replied with a smile.

Kanaan frowned at her, but smiled eventually. "I will see you tomorrow hopefully, if not the following day," he concluded.

"I will see you then, with Torren," she added as they leant in towards each other and kissed briefly. Kanaan's arm tightened around her shoulders for a beat before his hand dropped away. She smiled to him and moved away to enter her own tent.

She gathered her bag from the sleeping area, covered the fire, and then departed. The walk to the Gate was far shorter than it had been in the past, her people having decided to move the camp closer, as though the Gate provided risks, it also provided the means of escape and calling for assistance if the need arose again.

Her thoughts turned towards her evening with Torren and she made the trip in short time and was soon at the Gate. She dialled into Atlantis and, once she had been given permission by Chuck over the radio, walked through into the city. There were two teams waiting to depart soon and Teyla shared greetings and nods with most, learning that they were there to help a planned evacuation of a world that had a rising air temperature that potentially threatened its habitants. Earth scientists had advised the inhabitants that it would only take a further four months until the temperature of their world would be too dangerous, and the inhabitants had asked for assistance in their evacuation. A suitable planet had been found and they were moving there in controlled stages, taking large numbers of local wildlife that they could. It was a routine mission, and with a quick glance around, she could already see that John was no longer on duty. She checked her watch and noting that it was the evening shift now, which meant he would likely be in the Mess Hall. She would head to Jennifer's quarters, of Lucy's if necessary, to collect Torren, and then would drop by the Mess Hall to see John and hopefully the rest of the team.

She was halfway down the corridor to Jennifer's quarters when a nurse heading towards her from the other direction waved at her and hurried forward.

"Teyla, Doctor Keller asked me to tell you that she has Torren with her in the Infirmary," the nurse told her.

Teyla was a little worried by the nurse's look. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is now, but Torren had been crying for a long time. Doctor Keller was concerned about him."

Teyla's heart rate jumped. "He is alright?"

"Yes, he's fine, just wouldn't stop crying, probably just missing you," the nurse replied with a reassuring smile. "I was on my way to leave a note for you on Dr Keller's door, it's lucky I walked into you."

"Yes, thank you," Teyla replied as she quickly turned away and hurried at a fast walk towards the stairs. She made her way quickly down the steps and down the corridor towards the Infirmary. As she neared, she couldn't hear any crying, so hopefully Torren had calmed or had finally fallen asleep. She was sorry to have subjected Jennifer to one of Torren's new crying sessions.

She entered the infirmary, which remained silent of crying and held very few people. She spied Jennifer stood with Rodney and another nurse across the room. Teyla didn't see Torren in any of their arms and she scanned her eyes around the infirmary but couldn't see Torren anywhere.

"Jennifer?" She called out, but was instantly relieved by Jennifer's calm smile as she looked round.

"Welcome back, Teyla. How are things in the camp?"

"Fine, all is well," Teyla replied as she reached her friend. "Where is Torren? I heard that he was crying again."

The nurse and Rodney pulled faces that told her just how loud and determined her son's cries had been.

"He cried for about four hours straight," Rodney told her.

"Not quite that long, he was upset about something. I brought him here to check him over, but again there was nothing wrong, I think he was just upset," Jennifer replied.

"He's got a good set of lungs," Rodney muttered.

Teyla felt a flush of embarrassment. "I am sorry, Jennifer, Rodney," she offered them, wondering if they had been intending to have a restful day together which Torren had no doubt interrupted.

"We tried walking him as you used to do, talking to him, bouncing him, everything," Jennifer continued.

"I too have tried everything when he is like that, but it rarely works. He usually eventually calms after an hour, but clearly he was more difficult for you," she added once again looking around the infirmary. "Where is he?"

Jennifer pointed off towards an open door across the room that led through to one of the smaller isolation rooms. "I eventually called in back up and Torren quietened down immediately."

"Probably tired himself out on us," Rodney muttered.

"Thank you, both of you," Teyla said as she headed towards the isolation room.

She reached the open doorway and looked into the silent room beyond. There was a single large window in here with a beautiful view over a pier and the ocean below. Stood in front of the window was John, swaying his body, Torren in his arms. Teyla paused at the sight, surprised and delighted at her son's carer who had been so successful in calming him.

John moved slightly, bringing Torren further into her view and she watched as John looked down at her son tucked up in his arms. The picture caught her heart strangely and she felt a swell of emotion that was surprisingly sudden, but not totally new. What was new was the intensity of it. She had thought her affection for John as something she had let go of in the past, yet it seemed it had not left as she had thought.

She watched John sway his body gently from side to side, adding a slight bounce with his arms, calming her son. She could see Torren's feet moving against John's arm, telling her that her son wasn't asleep, but he was calm, relaxed and contented. Her heart ached, making her look away as she quelled the traitorous parts of her that envisioned, for a moment, that Torren was John's son. She knew such thoughts were wrong of her, a betrayal to Kanaan, yet thinking so did not weaken her moment of fantasy.

Long ago, she had put the prospect of John as a romantic partner aside, having seen no indication from him that he would be interested in a relationship. She had hoped for many years before, feeling that connection between them, their gentle flirtations, and trust of one another as possible indications that something deeper might be possible between them. However, nothing had changed for three years and then he and his people had left Atlantis to return home when a small group of Ancestors had returned to claim their city. She had set aside her life in Atlantis, of her strong lingering feelings and hopes for John, and had returned to live with her people. There, what she had hoped for her and John, had instead begun between her and Kanaan. Their childhood-based friendship had grown and he had made his interest clear. She had decided then to purposefully set aside her unrequited feelings for John, and had accepted the affection that Kanaan had offered.

When John and his people had returned to Atlantis, and she too had returned to her life with them, her time with Kanaan had been lessened, but their affection had continued. Though her pregnancy had been unplanned, she had accepted it and the future prospect of family her son and Kanaan presented her. She believed she could have a good life with them, as long as she could balance that life with her work in Atlantis. She was in many respects still struggling to find that balance, but she was committed to it. She would work hard to be the mother, lover and warrior that she was asked to be. Yet, despite that commitment, she found that those old feelings, old fantasies of a relationship with John, of sharing so much more with him remained. She had thought those feelings gone, until now seeing him holding her son. He had always been a warrior and friend to her, a strong and powerful symbol for her that it was possible to fight the Wraith and to be able to change things for the better. That he had not fulfilled other parts of her life was something she accepted, yet now seeing him in the role of a father, of giving of himself, caring and relaxed…it pulled at her heart deeply. Dreams, longings and wishes that she had thought long dead, had not in fact died, but only silenced by the reality of life.

As she looked at him now, she wondered if she would ever be freed from those dreams. Would there come a day when she would not hold even just the possibility in her heart? Why did she persist in such thoughts, even if they were ignored, foolish ones? Perhaps it was that she had been spending more time with him lately. Had she, once again, allowed his friendship to empower those feelings? Perhaps it had been wiser to keep the distance that they had both created since her pregnancy. Though she had hated it, there may also be protection in such distance.

She instantly rebelled against such thoughts, her heart making its feelings once again clear. What was clear to her was that she had formed a form of love for this man, a bond formed from trust, born from that first meeting back on Old Athos, shared battles and experiences. They had assisted each other through the worst and best life had thrown at them and Atlantis these past five years. Living so closely understandably formed strong bonds of friendship, but her natural attraction to him, and the awareness of the similarities there were between them, despite the differences, had deepened that bond for her. It was a form of love unrequited, but no less real. She had to accept its place in her life, appreciate his care and perhaps real love for her son, value John and yet move on. She had thought she had done that before, but clearly had not been as successful as she had thought.

She did not feel that love was a betrayal to Kanaan, for it was one that she had not indulged or focused on for some time, but at the same time was it wrong of her to care for Kanaan when another man occupied parts of her heart? Kanaan provided the affection and sharing of self that she might have wished with John, but she certainly had never actively thought of Kanaan as a replacement for John. The two men were very different, except perhaps in one way – the care and patience they had for Torren.

Despite the beauty of this moment seeing the connection between John and Torren, and the old feelings it stirred, John was not Torren's father and he would never be. Thinking otherwise would only lead to this old pain remaining – wanting what she could not have. John deserved to have a family of his own, children of his own with whom he could share this kind side of himself. She still wished she could have been the woman to provide that for him.

He became aware of her presence and looked round. "Hey," he greeted her, his voice low so as not to disturb Torren too much.

Teyla hoped the touch of wetness to her eyes was gone, but still dropped her eyes from John's face to her son in case. She moved towards them, smiling for them.

"Hello, Torren. I understand you have been rather difficult for Jennifer and Rodney?" She asked Torren, who saw her and grinned widely, his arms reaching up towards her.

John turned, passing the bundle of growing baby joy to her. "He just needed some proper attention, didn't you, Torren?" He asked as his bare forearms brushed against Teyla's as they exchanged Torren.

The boy looked back at John with another smile.

"Thank you, John," she told him smiling up at him as she hugged Torren to her, who seeming perfectly contented.

"No problem, I was almost near the end of my shift anyway," he looked down to Torren as he reached in and caught one little hand between his fingers. "Besides you're far more fun than paperwork," he told Torren in a soft voice.

John was still stood very close, so much so that she could feel his body heat against her side and she drew in his masculine smell. "Perhaps he has simply been missing you these past days," she reflected as she took up the swaying rhythm herself as Torren settled in her arms.

"I usually play him some Johnny Cash, that usually does it," he replied with a smile, but Teyla was sure that her son felt safe with John and that he had grown fond of John's presence in his life.

It pained her to realise that John had spent more time with Torren than Kanaan had so far, and the prospect of Torren being cared for more in the Athosian camp in the future made Teyla ache a little for John. It seemed that perhaps the distance she had reflected on would occur anyway, but it would not only be formed between her and John, but between him and Torren. Once again, she felt her heart rebel at the thought.

John would clearly make a wonderful father and she hoped that Torren would still be able to enjoy some of that, and that someday John would have a family of his own to love.

--------  
TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter:** 11

**Warning:** Tissue alert (for some of you) celebrations for others.

00000000000000

_**Twenty-One years, three months and one week earlier**_

The new fields stretched out further than had originally been planned, but it had become clear during the clearing that the soil was rich and fertile. They would be able to grow far more crops than they had thought, and it was only further reason to celebrate today.

Teyla stood on the hillside overlooking the expansive valley, Torren in her arms. She had not helped as much as she had intended with the fields, since negotiations with the Bachians had taken far longer than estimated. That did not mean that she felt any less awed by her people's work, the fields cleared and planted in such a short period. She knew how much effort had gone into their work.

During the time she had been able to help on the fields, she had enjoyed the sweat of the work, digging into the dark fertile soil, preparing the ground to feed her people. It was work that she had done so many times before in her life, preparing fields for seeding. Her life could be split up into the fields she had helped to cultivate, starting with the many fields on Old Athos, which every time the camp had moved, new fields had been needed to be prepared and planted. Then on the mainland off Atlantis, fields there, and then here on New Athos, when her and her people had been placed here by the Ancestors. Those fields had grown good crops initially, she recalled, but had died out during the Athosians absence following their abduction by Michael. This new camp was a new start and new fields with it. Yet another new beginning. That this area's soil was so much richer pleased her, making her hope that her people would use this land for far longer than the last. These fields would provide for many years and with the river so close, the fields could be properly irrigated in future years and who knew how far they could extend the fields from there. Perhaps, this time, these fields would last.

She gazed out at the fields, happy and amazed at the amount of work that had been completed so quickly, by her people who were lessened in number and still recovering from Michael's evils. Her people were strong and determined, and she smiled with loving pride at their latest success.

The last cheers went up from her left, as the last of the ceremony was completed. There was only the feast and celebration to be enjoyed now. Her people would stay up late into the night, joyfully, thankfully, celebrating their latest achievement. She smiled at the grins and shouts of pleasure around her, and as the majority of those capable, ran off down the hillside to walk across their new fields. Grinning herself she stood still and watched the laughing happy people move away and disappear from view, though their laughter and calls could still be heard.

She looked back out to the fields, across which her people would soon appear, but for now she would remain up here, watching. Though, she had gone through ceremonies like today so many times, following each planting of the fields, today she could not help but feel more distant from it all. Though she had assisted in some of the clearing, it had been far less work than ever before. Even when the fields had been cultivated on the mainland on the first world that had supported Atlantis, she had been greatly involved in the new fields there, as had many from Atlantis. Yet, these fields, she had played a very small role. With her work in the medical tents taking up many of her afternoons and her work in Atlantis most of the rest, she had not had any real free time in which to help. She had remembered John's warnings from before, that she must not take too much on her shoulders and she had taken that advice to heart. So, instead she had made sure to spend all her evenings with her son, and when in Atlantis, she had tried to spend her time with her former team and other friends. She had fallen into a nice routine that was working well for her.

Perhaps, not so much for the man beside her though.

Kanaan had remained by her side as the others ran down the hillside. She looked at him beside her, and saw much of the same pride she felt in his eyes. He had been a major player in the establishment of these new fields. Though, his slightly reduced health had not enabled him to assist in the clearing and planting as much as he wished, he had worked non stop. He had found work elsewhere, in the planning, the supervising and preparing of the seedlings. It had meant, once again, that they had spent very little time together of late. A few evenings a week they shared together, and she was aware that more than once she had returned to Atlantis early, cutting off their time together. She had asked him to visit the city with her, and though he seemed willing, he had yet to join her there for even one night. Now, the fields were completed, perhaps he might be able to leave New Athos for even a short time. She had to wonder if he would though, for the tension between them had been steadily growing, both of them citing their work as the reasons why they were not seeing more of each other. Their times completely alone were even fewer, and often they were both far too tired to share anything more than a kiss goodnight and had even slept apart if one had to rise early the next morning. She was aware that though her routine was set, that tension crowded around it, and she found herself unwilling to let go of the balance she was establishing between both sides of her life: Atlantis and her people.

She looked at him now, and was aware that much had changed in the last year and a half, more than she could name clearly. Her people had been changed on a deep internal level that she sometimes feared about, and at other times knew had only made them all stronger. Kanaan represented that more than ever. His strength may be lessened, his heart not what it was, but he had channelled his strengths into a new role and he was fulfilling that role well.

"You have done well, Kanaan," she told him gently.

Kanaan looked round at her and his smile deepened. "We all have. It is a new beginning for all of us, Teyla."

Teyla nodded as she looked out at the valley again. Below she could her people now walking through their new fields, the younger children running and jumping over the small tributaries off the stream.

"Teyla," Kanaan said drawing her attention back to him.

He reached out and tickled Torren's feet, which resulted in a baby giggle, making both of them smile. Since Kanaan's strength had grown over the last month he had begun to care for Kanaan more. It had pleased her greatly to see the bond between father and son growing with each day, though Torren still spent a lot of time with her in Atlantis.

"Will you be staying for the first watering of the fields tomorrow?" He asked.

"I am not sure, I will need to check in with Atlantis," she replied honestly. "We are still waiting for news of the trade with the Bachians."

"Formidable traders, it is brave of Atlantis to trade with them," Kanaan replied with amusement.

"They approached us," Teyla reminded him. "But, yes, they demanded high prices, but we were able to negotiate a more reasonable rate." In truth she had been the one to negotiate the changes in the trade with the Bachians, for Mr Woolsey had been happy for her to take the lead in the negotiations.

"I am sure that you did, for Atlantis," Kanaan replied. Teyla detected something in his tone that she could not identify and she looked to him again, to find him turned fully towards her. His full attention was fixed on her in a way that she had not seen before from him. "Teyla, there is something of which I wish to discuss with you."

"What is it, Kanaan?" She asked.

He looked down, took a breath, and looked back to her with a new determination to his expression. "I wished to ask if you would consider living together, here in the camp."

She was a little surprised that he would choose this moment to make his request, though she had suspected the subject had been on his mind of late. "I have no complaint with us joining our tents, Kanaan," she offered him. Perhaps, with their tents joined, the distance between them would be reduced, and with the fields planted and the Bachian trade soon to be completed, they might have more time for one another. He smiled happily. "And will you be joining me in Atlantis as well?" She asked. Kanaan's smile faltered.

"I thought…I meant that we should live together here, full time together," he clarified, by which he confirmed her greatest concern and suspicion.

She looked down and away for a moment, struggling with the sense of nervousness that this moment had arrived. She had told him so many times of her enjoyment and love of the city, how could he ask this of her?

"My home is in Atlantis," she explained to him, hoping that he would truly understand.

"You also live here," he replied.

"Only some of the time, Kanaan, to help to care for our people. I consider Atlantis my home," she told him.

"But, we are your people, Teyla. Surely your home is with us?"

She looked away, off towards the fields below that he had helped to cultivate. She had feared this discussion, she realised. She had suspected quietly that this moment might arrive, but had fooled herself into thinking otherwise. So many times over the years she had to explain her reasoning and her decision to stay with those in Atlantis, that she had thought that by now people would have understood, or at least have accepted it. She had feared that Kanaan had been hoping to persuade her otherwise. She felt the surge of resentment it brought forth in her. She had made her choice so many years ago, but it seemed that her decision had to be questioned over and over again, if not by herself, then by others. She wondered if there ever would be a day when she would no longer have to feel guilty. "I love our people, Kanaan, you know that, but my place is in Atlantis."

"Why?" He asked.

She looked back at him, confronted by his simple, yet deep question. She saw in his expression that he was not challenging her decision, but rather that he was confused by it. "It has been my home for almost six years now and I consider my friends there as almost family," she explained. "I have seen and learnt so much working with those from Earth. I have experienced so much…"

"You still can, with us."

"I can do more for our people living in Atlantis," she replied.

He glanced down, looking rather disappointed, and he sighed heavily before he looked back to her. "Then, what if you were to live here, but travel to Atlantis to work for them?"

Teyla could understand his logic, and that he was seeking out a solution for what he saw as a problem. She realised then, that for her, there was no real conflict. Atlantis was her home now, but she visited New Athos as needed, expecting a day when she would not have to visit as frequently, when her people would not need as much care. Yet again it made her doubt herself and whether she was letting her people down, but she knew she had done much for them in her place in Atlantis. Yet, the truth be told, she hoped never have to leave the city. She loved the Ancient hallways and that they were filled with people from another galaxy. She had people she loved there and she hoped very much that Torren would grow up in the city. She could not imagine a place with more to interest a child and growing boy than in the City of the Ancestors with those from Earth. Among them Torren would have access to amazing education and experiences, as well as people who loved him and would do anything for him.

"Atlantis is my home now, not just where I work," she explained to him quietly.

"It is just a city, a place, Teyla. Here you can be with me, with our people, and still work for the greatest good that Atlantis provides for you," Kanaan tried to reason as he settled his hands on her arms around Torren. She could feel his desperation now, feel the need in his grip on her arms. She had ignored this issue between them, hoping that he would understand, but clearly he had not. It was her fault for not having made it clear to him, though she thought she had.

"I enjoy my life in Atlantis," she told him, attempting to explain to him some of what she felt. "I love living in the city of the Ancestors. To walk where the Ancestors walked. You could come to live there with me," she suggested, though already she suspected that he would not. Too much had changed for him now and he had clearly been hoping that she would be the one to change her mind.

"This is my home, Teyla, with our people," he replied.

"We used to talk of living together in Atlantis," she recalled. Those days when they had been in the flush of new affection, they seemed, somehow, so long ago.

"That was before Michael," Kanaan replied, his hands loosening slightly against her arms, as he voiced what had changed so much for all of them. "Before Torren was born," he added.

Teyla frowned at him. "Do you not believe Atlantis to be a safe home for Torren?"

"It is hardly the safest place in the galaxy," he replied with sarcasm.

Teyla took immediate offence to his point. "And has New Athos been any safer for our people?"

Kanaan looked surprised by her retort, but nodded after he considered her point. He sighed as he moved one of his hands to grasp one of Torren's little hands, tickling the boy's palm. "I miss my son when he is away," he told her. "I would love to watch him grow among our people, to learn what it means to be Athosian."

"He can still do that, Kanaan," Teyla pointed out to him passionately. "We can live as we do now and he will learn all we wish of our people."

"He will grow up between two worlds – Atlantis and Athos."

Teyla frowned at his point. "Why is that a bad thing?"

Kanaan dropped his hands from her and Torren. "I wish him to be happy, contented with his life, not like…" He paused and looked away.

She felt a shock as she realised what he had been going to say. "Were you going to say 'like me'?" She asked. "Do you think I am split between two worlds?"

Kanaan looked back to her. "Yes, my love. Between our people and those from a world that is not even among our stars. I fear that you do not truly feel happy or at home in either the camp or in Atlantis."

Teyla felt an instant flash of resentment towards him for assuming he knew how she felt. "I feel happy and at home _both_ in Atlantis and here."

"Truly?" Kanaan asked her boldly.

Teyla frowned at him again, feeling suddenly that there was so much difference between them. She had thought he had understood her, understood that she was different, but it seemed that he had simply been waiting until he could convince her to 'come home'.

"Yes. I believe I can exist as both a member of Atlantis and as an Athosian. Why not?"

"Does it not split your focus? Make your priorities unclear?" He asked.

"Does being a father make you any less a farmer?" She asked hotly.

Kanaan reached out to her, his hands resting on her arms again, but this time it was a calming gesture. "I simply do not want you to feel split between two worlds, Teyla, and I do not wish that for our son. I only fear that if a day may come when you may lose one of your worlds, then you may also lose a part of yourself as well."

"I would rather lose a part of myself and still be true to who I am."

She looked away from his surprised expression. She understood his logic and his fears, but she did not agree with them. She feared what she felt stirring now between them, for it was clear to her now that things had not been as clear as she had thought. She had hoped to have a relationship with Kanaan that would not put pressure on her working life in Atlantis. Kanaan had represented a kind, generous Athosian partner, who said that he loved her and would respect her choices. She had thought he had understood the importance of Atlantis to her, but it seemed that she had been wrong. She had been told by many people over the years, her father and Charin in particular, that she was meant for more than farming, and though she valued that life, she had believed them when she had found Atlantis and those from Earth. Among them she had found a place that felt right, simply right. She had found a place in the universe. She would not give that up willingly, and not for Kanaan.

She looked back at him, her resolve stronger. "The day may come when I have to choose between my two 'worlds', but if such a day arrives I will make my choice, but you have always known, since we were young, that I have always wished to do more for our people, for the galaxy, than farming."

Kanaan nodded rather sadly, and though he remained close it felt as if he were moving away from her and she was doing nothing to keep him close.

"I remember," he replied softly. "I only hoped that…one day you would 'grow' out of it."

His words cut deeply and confirmed all her fears. She pulled back from him a step, his hands sliding from her arms. She saw the worry and fear in his face, clearly regretting what he had said.

"Teyla, I only meant…"

"You do not understand," she concluded.

"Teyla," he moved towards her, reaching for her again. "I only meant that one day I prayed that you would stay with me, not fly away where I did not wish to follow."

The reality of her relationship with Kanaan became achingly clear. She felt tears building in her throat, but in truth, she suspected it was his clear misunderstanding of who she was that hurt her, as well as the realisation that the future had now shifted dramatically. She looked up into his dark eyes. "If you truly loved me, you would want me to fly, to do what I love."

Kanaan's look was pained and she saw in his expression and his eyes that he too had reached the same conclusion as she: they were not right for one another. "Teyla…I…" He ran out of words.

Teyla looked away, tears filling her eyes. She was not sure if she could say the words that would end what had been a gentle kind man's love for her. All she knew was that, once again, she had been mistaken in the man she had chosen. And in that moment, when he really shouldn't, another man entered her mind. A man whom she had tried for so long to put out of her heart, but in this moment, those feelings pushed forward. She felt guilty, squeezing her eyes tightly shut against the conflicting emotions. She truly felt a deep affection for Kanaan, and she could feel the pain inside of this moment and the future sadness and possible confusion it might place on Torren, but another part of her, a dark secret part deep inside her heart, was pleased to be free of this relationship. She hated herself for that feeling, but at the same time had to wonder how long the need to break away from Kanaan had been there. Why had she not seen that they were not right for one another? Had it been for Torren that she had ignored her feelings?

"I think it would be best if I went back to Atlantis now," she said, trying to push all the conflicting thoughts aside to deal with the moment. There would be plenty of time later to reflect on her choices.

"To live?" Kanaan asked quietly after a pause.

"For tonight," she clarified as she looked off across the still valley below.

There was no breeze today, the air horridly still around her. Torren lay still in her arms, though he was awake. She glanced down at her son and saw his small dark eyes looking up at her worriedly. She smiled at him, rocking him gently, aware somehow that he could feel her emotional pain. The tears were threatening to fill her eyes again, but she kept smiling for Torren. She looked back up to Kanaan to see that there was a clear shine to his eyes as well, and rawness to his expression.

"I am sorry, Kanaan," she told him through her silent tears.

He looked away to the valley, but she saw a tear breaking free of his eyes and it made her chest ache painfully. "As am I, my love," he replied.

She could not return the sentiment, for she had never done so. She cared for Kanaan, always would, had enjoyed their times together, but love…she had to wonder if she would ever find a man with whom she could share that level of emotion.

He looked back round, a grim smile filling his face, as his eyes dropped to Torren in her arms. She leant forward as he reached, and passed their son over into his arms. She was sure that he needed to feel their child's weight now, to know that some love would never be broken. She watched him settle his boy into his strong arms.

"What of Torren?" He asked his tears still fresh as he looked at her. She realised that he was concerned that he would see less of his son. She felt the ache in her chest with renewed vigour. She would never deny him that connection, that time and affection with his son.

"He deserves to spend as much time with his father as he does with his mother," she reassured him.

Kanaan looked at her with a watery smile and he nodded. He may not be the man with whom she would share her life, but he was a wonderful father and a good friend. She stepped up closer to him and laid a hand on his arm.

"He will always have a place with you and he will be safe in Atlantis, I promise you that," she said as she kissed Kanaan's temple and then turned away.

000000000000  
TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter:** 12

**Note: **Yes, I know, we're almost 'there', patience…

00000000000000000

_**Twenty-One years, one month and 3 days earlier**_

John watched as Keller laid another damp cloth over Ronon's forehead. John was surprised steam didn't hiss up from the wet cloth. Ronon's face was flushed, but pale beneath and the moisture over his face was not due to the cloth. The foul mood wasn't either.

"I'll be fine," Ronon protested as he held out one arm to block Keller away from him so that he could sit up without her trying to press him back down onto the infirmary bed.

"No, you will not. Your temperature is far too high, you have been sick twice and you need to rest," she protested, as she unsuccessful tried to stop Ronon from sitting up. The big guy paused once sat upright, looking slightly paler for a moment.

John stepped backwards. On his way in here, he had unfortunately been close enough to hear Ronon throw up and he didn't want to be close for the repeat show. He watched Ronon's face drain of colour as the cloth dropped from his forehead.

"You okay, Buddy?" John asked. Ronon grunted as a reply. "Maybe you should follow the Doc's orders," John suggested.

"Yes, lie back down," Keller repeated her order.

"No, I've fought before when I've felt like this," Ronon argued, some colour returning to his face.

"It's a basketball game, not a fight," Keller protested.

John turned to her. "Actually…" he began.

Keller glared at him over her shoulder before she turned back to Ronon, pressing her hands against his sweat-drenched shirt. "Lie back down and rest, Ronon."

"She's right, Buddy," John offered, though silently he was cursing. All the others who knew how to play were already in the teams who had been knocked out. This was the 'semi-final' and he and Ronon were set to win! Damn it! "I'll get someone else to play in your place."

"No, I've been ill before," Ronon protested as he continued to resist Keller's pressure.

"This is likely to be the stomach flu that Dr Smith brought back from Earth, so no, you actually haven't had this before."

"Stupid Earth viruses," Ronon muttered as he began to stand up from the bed.

John was beginning to think that Ronon really was going to try to play. However, as soon as Ronon was upright he began to crumple down towards the floor. John jumped forward with Keller and between them they got hold of him before he hit the floor. John grunted with the effort as he got Ronon back onto the bed. Once he was there Ronon let out a loud gruff sigh.

"Just get some sleep, and I'll get us through to the finals," John assured him, now the one to push Ronon to lie back down on the infirmary bed. This time there was no resistance and the big man lay back with a sigh of relief. John retrieved the cloth from the side of the bed and dipped it back into the bowl of water Keller had set on the side.

"Who can compete with Walker and Lorne?" Ronon asked, his eyes half closed.

"You saying I can't take them alone?" John asked jokingly.

Ronon grunted as he opened his eyes, but John laid the cloth over Ronon's forehead, purposefully covering his eyes as well. "Don't worry about it, I'll find someone."

He turned before Ronon could say anymore, because there was only ten minutes till he had to be at the gym to go down courtside on the pier or else forfeit the game. He had to find someone in ten minutes!

"Get someone good!" Ronon shouted as John left the infirmary at a near run.

"Yeah, yeah," John replied over his shoulder.

In his mind, he ran through everyone who regularly played in the large hall that they used as a gym. They had put up hoops in there last year and it had really taken off. But, try as he might, John couldn't think of anyone who practised who hadn't already played in the friendly contest. As he reached the closest transporter, he ran through the more athletic scientists he knew. He still came up empty, so he headed at a run towards the main gym, just down the hall from the old sparring gym. Inside the larger gym there were two rooms, one with the hoops, a table tennis table and a pool table. The other room had fixed exercise equipment and weights. He would poke his head in there and see if anyone looked promising as being able to learn basketball in the next ten minutes.

The doors of the transporter opened and he ran down the corridor at full pelt. He passed the closed doors to the sparring gym on his right. He still sparred with Ronon in there and had fond memories of having sparred with Teyla in there during the first two years, before the whole Bug incident. He slid to a halt. Teyla. She was a little short for basketball, but she had amazing agility and speed. He quickly reversed his direction. What were the chances that she was the one using the sparring gym right now?

He glanced at his watch – he had seven minutes now. She had been spending slightly less time back with her people, as not so many of her people required full time care, and there was the fact that she had broken up with Kanaan. John had noticed her change in mood to the day that she had split up with Kanaan, but it had taken the news to filter through by the grapevine (which was admittedly pretty fast in this city) for him to have his suspicions confirmed. He had hated seeing her look sad, though she tried to hide it, so he had attempted to encourage her to spend more time with the team. The team started their own movie nights and when Torren was with them, they would pass him around for cuddles so that Teyla didn't need to play 'mom' all evening.

He had waited a couple of weeks before he brought up the subject of Kanaan with her, just so that she knew that he knew and that she didn't have to pretend to be happy when she wasn't. It had been an uncomfortable conversation for him to start, but it had been short and she had thanked him for his concern, even going so far as to hug him, something they did rarely. He had liked the feeling of her in his arms, especially as she was free and single again. He hadn't done anything about that since, but had been trying to spend more time with her, as he waited for her to get over Kanaan a bit, and work out how to go about finding out if she would be into seeing him. He didn't want to push anything too soon, not just because he really didn't know if she was interested, but also because the last he wanted to be was the 'rebound guy'. She hadn't been looking as sad lately, but he still got the feeling that she was down. Some basketball could be just what she needed right now.

He slid to a halt at the sparring gym's doors and they slid open for him to reveal Teyla sparring with young female scientist John recognised from Rodney's lab.

"Ah, great," he said, slightly out of breath from his mad dash here. "You free in about," he checked his watch, "five minutes time?" He asked Teyla.

She and the scientist looked surprised and amused by his entrance, but Teyla lowered her bantos rods as she looked at the other woman questioningly. The woman lowered her rods as well, looking rather relieved. "I think I've had enough anyway," she told Teyla, the scientist clearly exhausted.

"Then, yes I am," Teyla told John with a questioning smile. "Why?"

"Cause I need your help with something," John told her. "You need to come with me now," he waved her towards him.

Teyla looked bemused for a moment, but nodded to the scientist and hurried to the side where her training bag sat. She picked it up and headed towards him. "What is this about?"

"You've watched us play basketball before, right?" He asked as he walked quickly down the corridor. Teyla was working to push her bantos rods inside her bag and keep up with him. John reached out to take her bag and he opened it for her as they kept walking.

"Is this about the semi-finals?" She asked, surprising John.

"You know about that?" He asked. She had been so involved with her people and Torren that she hadn't been involved with as many city wide social events, and basketball had never interested her.

"I doubt there is anyone in the city who does not," she replied with a smile as she took back her closed bag from him. "Why?" She repeated her question. John was hoping to get her to the main gym before he broke the news. The others would be meeting in there to go down to the pier together for the game.

"Ronon's got the stomach flu and I need a partner," John told her.

She looked surprised for a moment and then slowed. John had feared this. "John, I do not think I compare to Ronon," she told him looking worried.

"Course not, you're way prettier than Ronon," he joked with her, aware that he had just spontaneously complimented her, but she just kept protesting.

"Is this not the game with the very high rings set on the wall?"

"Sure, but I've seen you jump," he assured her as he reached for one of her bare elbows and pulled her with him down the corridor. She wasn't resisting too much.

"Surely you need someone more experienced to get you through to the finals?"

She had pulled to a stop again and, unwilling to force her down the rest of the corridor, he paused, turning to face her, but kept his hand loosely around her elbow. "You'll do fine, you haven't met a sport you can't do," he told her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That is hardly true; I did not enjoy the snooker."

"Pool," John corrected her. "Besides that's not a real sport and you were great at it you just didn't enjoy it. Trust me, you'll be great at basketball. You've got a strong arm, great hand-eye coordination and you're super fast," he told her. He was aware that he was trying to charm her into agreeing.

She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious at his compliments, but there was a touch of a sparkle to her eyes that told John that she had actually liked it. That little fact was interesting, but he was down to like two minutes to convince her.

"Do it for Ronon, he needs your help get us through to the finals," he tried next.

She raised one eyebrow showing she was fully aware of his persuasion techniques. He pulled gently on her elbow again and she slowly began moving with him, though she still looked doubtful.

"I am not sure that I can do that, John. I have only played basketball once or twice and that was last year."

He could tell he had convinced her and that she was just putting up some last arguments.

"You'll be fine. I'll brief you as we go and you've watched us playing loads of times. You'll know most of the rules without realising and you'll pick it up in no time," he reassured her, giving her his best persuading smile. "Please," he added, pulling out the big guns. It worked far better than he expected.

She rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Great, thank you, Teyla," he told her as she began moving faster along with him towards the gym.

"You may not thank me later, if I fail to play the role of Ronon," she told him.

000000000000000000

It was a beautiful day over the pier and there was quite an audience around the court and watching from some of the balconies above. A nice cool breeze kept everyone comfortable and the sun was hidden behind thin clouds, which kept it out of the eyes.

The game had started out slowly, Teyla catching the flow of the game. That he had to shout instructions to her at first had limited how successful they could be against Walker and Lorne, but after about ten minutes, she suddenly got into the game. And the woman could jump! She had worked out the tricks of how to pass the ball from watching the Lorne and Walker, and suddenly John had found himself on the receiving end of her passes, which had been rather forceful at first due to their speed, but John had been training with Ronon, so he knew how to catch them with minimal damage to his fingers.

After another ten minutes and they had begun to get in synch with each other, which wasn't that hard considering how long they had been working together as a field team. John was hassling Walker backwards as Lorne attempted to cover Teyla, but she darted left, jumped and actually did a roll across the ground. John tossed the ball, crossed around Walker and she had the ball heading back towards him just as he had gotten into place. He jumped, caught the ball and slammed it home. The cheering was almost as good as his adrenaline rush at their teamwork. John turned towards where Teyla was smiling. He lifted his hands towards her and she slapped her palms against his victoriously.

"You can't barrel roll in basketball!" Lorne protested loudly.

John turned towards him smiling. "Show me where it says _that_ in the rule book," he called back.

"It's implicit," Lorne argued back with a smile.

"Right," John responded doubtfully. "You're just upset because she practically leapt over you."

"A lucky shot. Bring it on, Colonel," Walker baited from behind Lorne as he bounced the ball back into play.

John intercepted Lorne's attempted dunk, and then Teyla received from him and jumped up towards the hoop, one hand on Walker's back as she did.

"Foul!" Walker protested following the cheers at Teyla's hoop.

John turned. "You were in her way," he argued back, seriously impressed himself at her move.

In no time, he and Teyla had the score up high, though it was hard work against Lorne and Walker's tight offence and that Teyla's height allowed them to steal from her more easily. She got them back though, forcing fouls on them and used another barrel roll to get round Walker at one point. John was seriously enjoying himself.

That he was getting the chance to watch her at play in her low cut top and high cut sparring trousers was enjoyable enough, but as they kept winning, their high fives had shifted to slaps on the back and half hugs. When they abruptly scored their last hoop, winning the game, he got a full on hug with her which he prolonged by lifting her up from the ground for a second. It had been a great game and he had thoroughly enjoyed himself.

"You're even better than Ronon," John told her afterwards as they headed off the court.

"I doubt that," she replied, a little out of breath as he was from all the excitement. Her skin was flushed and sweat glistened over her skin and he felt a full on rush of arousal looking at her. He turned his attention on the doorway into the main tower and on his water bottle, which he was currently denuding from its label.

"No, you did great, Ronon's going to be seriously impressed," John told her, keeping his attention on the bottle in his hands and remembering the sound of Ronon throwing up to help distract him from the heat running throughout his body that had nothing to do with the game.

"I do not think it is a sport that I will play often, but did I enjoy it. Thank you for encouraging me to play," she told him. His brain did really wrong things with that sentence. He cleared his throat and drank the last of his water.

"Glad you enjoyed it," he replied as he strewed on the bottle lid with far too much focus as they headed down the corridor.

"It was just what I needed," she added sounding rather thoughtful and it drew his attention back on her. He thought he saw some of that sadness in her expression again. He felt a desperate need to banish it again.

"Well, if you need more distractions, Ronon's probably going to be out of commission for a few more days and I'll need someone to beat me up," he offered her.

She grinned at his joke, but she considered the offer he could tell. "Perhaps I should try the snooker again."

"Pool," he corrected her and then he saw her little smile and he realised she had done it on purpose. There was a playfulness in her eyes, most likely brought up by the game, but he really liked having those sparkling adrenaline fuelled eyes targeted on him. Maybe he could persuade her to get more involved with the sports in the city, because she had been amazing just now. They could start with Pool if she wanted. "You know, there's a regular Tuesday night Pool game in the gym," he suggested. "We could clean up."

"Surely the cleaners clean up after such an event," she replied.

This time he didn't fall for it.

He narrowed his eyes at her, his adrenaline and arousal still lingering in his body, and he decided that more time with Teyla was definitely in order now. The playfulness in her eyes, the way she looked away amused and teasing, made some deep male instinct inside him seriously sit up and take notice, not that it hadn't been watching before now. Team evenings, Pool night and maybe he could talk her into sparring, or hoops again. Just the two of them…

000000000000000  
TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter:** 13

**Note: **The rating of this fic will be changing to an **M** rating from the next chapter onwards (ready for when it's needed) so please be aware to look for future updates on FFnet in the M stories.

_**0000000000**_

_**Twenty-one years and ten days earlier**_

It was a cool yet sunny day over New Athos, just perfect for the celebration. Torren's first birthday. John could barely believe that an entire year had passed since that day on Michael's ship. He could remember every detail of that day, the majority of it having been full of pain. And the fear, he remembered the fear. Having a building dropped on him and his team had been far less stressful than knowing that the prospect of saving Teyla and her son had been slipping away with every moment. He had risked his career to make sure that he had been there to save her, to fulfil a promise he had made to her, that had never been spoken out loud, but had not been any less binding. Of course that day had brought with it other things that hadn't been as simple as a rescue. Kanaan's return into Teyla's life, and all those Athosians they had been able to save from Michael's ship and bases hidden throughout the galaxy. Today wasn't just a day to celebrate Torren's first birthday, but also that this camp was here and filled with, for the most part, recovered Athosians. Teyla's people seemed to have been through a lot in just the short time that he had known them, but Athosians were also people who picked themselves up and moved forward again. The camp around him was fully established now, full of happy people, all clearly in the mood to celebrate today.

John was in a good mood himself. These past weeks had been good, and today he felt especially happy. He had gotten to babysit Torren a little more lately, as both Teyla and Kanaan had been involved in setting up for the party and inviting loads of off world friends and trading partners of the Athosians. John had known more about today's event because he had been spending so much more time with Teyla. Between them they had become the undisputed Pool champions of Atlantis, to the point where no one really wanted to play against them anymore. That didn't stop them though, and John had managed to persuade her into trying out at the table tennis and had even gotten her to try out some golf. He was regularly spending half his evenings with her, though quite often with others around, and he was babysitting for Torren at least once a week. Putting that with the 'team' breakfasts she was nearly always present for, meant that he was spending more social time with her than ever before.

He had made his aim to make sure she was happier than she had been lately and he had found that spending more time with her had made him happier too. These last weeks had been good weeks and he was almost convinced that he had seen enough in her eyes and smiles to tell him that she might just be interested in turning this re-established friendship into more. Of course, she had been particularly busy this last week setting up this party, so they hadn't spent quite as much time together over the last few days. He had offered to babysit Torren for her yesterday and had even taken a few days leave to help with this celebration. He still had weeks worth of leave left for the rest of the year, so a few days off to help and enjoy her company seemed well worth it.

He had looked after Torren last night, which had been particularly fun for him and the guys, who had stayed up late with Torren playing computer games and watching one of the latest big blockbuster movies that the Daedalus had delivered. Then this morning John had brought Torren to the camp early, delivering Torren into Teyla's surprisingly stressed arms. More visitors were expected than they had planned and so John had helped carry out extra chairs and tables out of the tents and set them around the open space before the camp that would be the main site for the party. After that, he had organised a football game to distract the older kids, and by then the banners and other party decorations had been put up and the food and ruus wine had been set out. The Visitors then began arriving, as many from Atlantis as from other worlds.

First there had been a ceremony for Torren, which everyone watched with silent smiles and then cheers as he was officially greeted by everyone into his second year of life. Then the party had started, and had been running for the rest of the day. It was clear that the Athosians had indeed embraced Torren's birthday as a reminder of their rescue from Michael. That their people lived on, that they would remember those lost and those returned from the genetic manipulation Michael had performed on them, but also ultimately that Michael was dead. All his secret hideouts had been found, prisoners freed if any, but most significantly the two clones of Michael that John's team had found lying in status in one base had been killed without ever gaining consciousness. It really did seem that the threat of Michael was over, though the consequences would continue maybe for generations with all those affected by the Hoffan plague. Carson was working on helping those he could, travelling from planet to planet to help as many as he could as if he really did blame himself for Michael's work. John knew better, but he respected Carson's motives. It was a shame that Carson was missing today's party.

John glanced around the party aware that a shift change had occurred back in Atlantis, because the numbers of Atlantis personnel in the crowd was increasing. Though today was clearly important to Teyla and her people, it seemed that Atlantis had taken the celebration to heart as well. There was something about kids presenting hope, and besides, he suspected everyone needed an excuse to let their hair down for the night, and he was glad to see that they were, if Zelenka's dancing was anything to go by. The ruus wine seemed to be flowing rather too plentifully.

John grinned at the man's undulating dance style among the other dancers filling one side of the party space, and he watched as torches were lit against the growing darkness. The music was supplied with various instruments and a lot of drums, the group from another world, though a few of the drummers were Athosian. Behind Zelenka John could see Ronon leaping up and down, his hair flying as he got into the music. John had never seen Ronon dance before and he certainly wasn't going to forget it!

John looked away from the dancing, seeking out Rodney and Teyla within the party. Rodney was stood, unsurprisingly, by the buffet tables and he held yet another full plate of food. Keller was with him and it looked like she was trying to remove a cup from his hand. John smiled, no doubt Rodney had been drinking too much ruus wine, his goofy smile proof enough – the guy was a serious light weight. John glanced down at his own cup of ruus wine and couldn't quite remember if it was his third or fourth of the day, but brushed the thought aside and continued to look round for Teyla through the crowd.

There had to be a couple of hundred people still here and none of them looked like they were planning to leave anytime soon. He hadn't spent more than a few minutes with Teyla today, since she was playing hostess and mother of the birthday boy. He spied her finally sitting in a large group of people he didn't recognise, so presumably from other worlds, and she had Torren asleep in her arms. She was laughing, the firelight glowing over her skin and the beautiful flowing dark red dress she was wearing today. Kanaan was sat beside her and John watched as the man laughed as well, his arm briefly squeezing Teyla's shoulders, but the touch dropped away. It seemed the two of them were keeping things friendly, presumably just that.

"Sheppard," Halling's voice broke through John's study and he looked round to see the tall man approaching, his arm around a shorter man who was another that John didn't recognise.

"Hey, Halling," John greeted them. "Call me, John, remember."

"John, yes, this is a very good old friend of mine, Janus," Halling introduced the man beside him. John thought there seemed to be a rather healthy glow to Halling's cheeks.

"Not _that_ old," Janus protested with good humour, looking rather rosy himself.

"Janus, this is Colonel Sheppard I was telling you about," Halling continued as he gestured grandly towards John.

"As if I had not heard of the famous Colonel already," Janus said as he reached out a hand towards John. "I understand this is your custom of greeting?"

John shook the smiling man's hand. "It sure is." The man had a wide almost elfish face and smile to match. His eyes were bright and shining, with good humour, but possibly also with ruus wine. "Pleased to meet you, Janus. So, an _old_ friend of Halling's?"

"Oh, yes, our two families have been close through many generations. My grandmother three generations ago was Athosian," Janus explained as he smiled up at Halling. "And a cousin of Halling's relatives."

"Ah, so distant family," John said with a smile.

"He did not inherit much height from my family though," Halling teased, surprising John.

Janus turned to his friend, tilting his head back to look up the good two feet difference of height between him and Halling. "As you well know, my good _old_ friend, my height has saved our hunting trips many times. For all you can hide behind are trees."

John almost choked on his mouthful of ruus wine as he had a sudden picture of Halling trying to hide behind a thin tree, like a cartoon character behind a lamppost.

"I can run faster than you," Halling counted.

"But, not without being seen," Janus joked back and he looked back to John with a grin, clearly thoroughly enjoying teasing his friend. "There was this one time, we had to be about….what?" He asked looking back at Halling. "Fifteen years of age?" Halling nodded, already smiling, as he reached past John to one of the many large bowls of ruus wine set around the party space, and he refilled Janus' cup, and then John's cup. "We were hunting for a pelt to honour Halling's mother's birthday, and…"

The stories flowed together, all of them amusing, especially when Janus began to add Teyla into some of his remembered stories.

"She won that match, it was undisputed that he cheated," Halling protested from his seat opposite John.

"Of course, we all know that, but that she had dropped her stave meant that he had been given the opening he needed to strike," Janus pointed out.

The three of them had been sat to one side, rather too close to the drinks table, for perhaps a good couple of hours now. The night had arrived some time ago, but all the campfires and torches produced enough light for the party to continue, and still no one looked like they were going to leave anytime soon. John was really enjoying his time with these two men, listening to stories, adding a few of his own, knowing that there was no deadline to get back to Atlantis. He would stay here tonight and through tomorrow to help the clear up, so he lifted his, perhaps sixth, cup of ruus wine as Janus continued his story.

"Milton was famous for his swiftness. It is said that he killed a fraggle beast."

John yet again almost choked on his drink as he laughed at that. "A fraggle beast?!" he asked as he wiped his chin. "What is it? Bright coloured and fluffy?"

"Fraggle beasts are creatures twice the size of a man. They have six legs and can kill a man with a single sweep of one foot," Janus explained animatedly, demonstrating the killing sweep of a fraggle foot with his arm. He was very drunk, if John was any judge.

"They are _mythical_ creatures," Halling protested. "He no sooner killed one of those than he won that competition fairly."

"He did," Janus argued. "He said he killed it, so he did."

"He did not keep the body," Hakon added from where he was stood by the drinks table, pouring wine into his cup. John knew he was one of those Teyla frequently helped in the medical tents, and though one crutch leant against Hakon's side, he looked pretty strong and able. He looked down at them with a wide happy open smile. "If I had killed some mythical beast I would have made sure to have kept the carcass."

"He brought back some of its claws," Janus pointed out.

"They were tiny things that could have come from any woodland creature," Hakon argued, still smiling.

"Not on our world, unlike the weaker beasts that Athosians hunt," Janus teased them.

"I seem to remember you being taken down by a water deer," Halling told Janus and Hakon laughed as he limped his way over to join them.

"It was a lucky strike and it was a particularly dangerous one," Janus replied.

"Water deer?" John asked, trying to picture these alien creatures from their names. "You guys sound like you have Disney creatures running around in the forest. Now, a proper beast is a bear. A big black bear." John explained what a bear was and, exaggerating only a little, how dangerous they could be.

"That hardly sounds as dangerous as the flying Trayers," Halling protested, slurring his words slightly as he leant forward. "They were deadly on Old Athos. They used to sweep down from tree branches to gouge out people's eyes."

"Please, that happened once and it was hardly gouging, a few scratches," Janus argued. "Your father wasn't looking where he was going."

"It was a dangerous Trayer," Halling argued, but he was smiling. "Do you remember the great hunt the year after you married?"

Janus began laughing rather uncontrollably.

"I remember that. Teyla felled the pig in the end for you Janus," Hakon laughed.

Janus was nodding as he kept laughing. "Oh, good times. There were good times, despite all those that have been lost." His laughter died away and a more sullen mood passed over their little group.

John nodded as he swirled the last of his ruus wine around in his cup, the music still pounding away across the party. Was this his eighth cup now? He really should stop drinking because he was swirling with the cup now. He blinked and looked back up to Halling, who had just refilled his own cup after Janus had spilt it. John had never imagined that he would see Halling this way, so relaxed and so very drunk, but today had been an important celebration for him and his people. Halling was also clearly happy to be spending his time with his friend Janus again. Surviving great odds did that; it made you value everyone and everything just that little bit more. John knew that feeling and today's celebration emphasised it for him as well.

"You should come out hunting with us, Sheppard," Halling invited him, drawing John's attention up from his emptying cup. "Then you can see how great Athosian hunters are."

John smiled at him. "Yeah, it sounds like you have real dangerous creatures here – pigs, water deer and fraggles," he laughed at that image in his head as he drank down the last of his wine.

"There are very dangerous creatures here," Halling told him pointing a long finger at John, but the man was grinning rather drunkenly.

"Yes, I've seen the 'rabbits' you bring back," John baited him with a grin of his own. Hakon shifted next to John and John looked down to see that his cup had been refilled along with Hakon's.

"They can be very dangerous, those 'rabbits' as you call them, they have sharp spines on their sides and they move _very_ fast," Halling argued emphatically.

"How about the water deer?" John asked.

"Now, they are clever," Halling told him. "Wait," he stated, spilling his drink partly over Janus who was looking very sleepy beside him. "We will show you one in action."

"They'll be miles away," John gestured with his drink towards the distant dark forest around the camp. "With all noise this," he shook his head. "With all this noise," he corrected.

"Are you frightened of our rabbits, John?" Halling asked as he stood up dramatically. "Do not let the rabbits frighten you, John!"

John chuckled at Halling stood tall in the firelight.

"Let us hunt rabbits and water deer, John. We must celebrate Torren's birth properly," Halling declared as he turned. "Come, Janus, Hakon, let us show John how Athosians hunt!"

Hakon lifted his cup up. "I do not think I am fast enough for that yet, my friend."

"I'm not technically Athosian," Janus pointed out as he carefully got to his feet. "But, I will join in."

"Come, Sheppard!" Halling commanded as headed off into the thick of the party. John decided that he needed to see these 'deadly' rabbits in action, and perhaps it would be good to stop the drinking. He got up, swayed a little, and followed, tripping slightly over a log seat as he did.

"We go to hunt!" Halling stated loudly, but his words were mostly lost in the music.

John followed him, drink still in his hand, and as he passed through the main body of the party he saw Teyla still sat with Torren and her friends. She noticed them passing and John smiled at her, possibly winking as well, though he couldn't be entirely sure as he was a little drunk now.

The partygoers blocked her from him then, and he kept going, his legs moving without him really knowing where he was going. He collided with Halling's back at the edge of the party. He glanced back to see that they had already lost Janus in the sea of people. Probably best anyway, Janus was way too drunk to hunt properly.

"This way…no wait…this way," Halling declared as he led the way to the left of the camp. "I thought I was on Old Athos then," he muttered as he stumbled ahead of John.

John shook his head. "Poor _old_ Halling, getting forgetful in his old age," he teased.

"I will show you how to hunt, Sheppard. Yes, you will know how to hunt like an Athosian."

0000000000000

John woke with a groan, opening his eyes slowly to the first touches of dawn light that had disturbed him. He groaned again, mostly against the throb in his head, and turned his face away from the offending light. He closed his eyes again, trying to fall back into sleep, only to hear something flutter past overhead. He broke his eyes open, his vision swimming for a moment, and leafy branches came into view above him. He frowned at the sight and watched as another small bird fluttered past.

The early light was glowing through the leaves above him. Focusing on the light made his eyes and head hurt, so he looked away as various little pieces of fragmented memories returned. He remembered leaving the camp and following Halling into the forest. They had realised some time after that that they didn't have any weapons for their hunt, other than John's knife and sidearm. They had pulled down some slim branches and cut the ends into points with his knife to make spears, and they had set out to find water deer and rabbits.

John chuckled at the memory and a groan from his right joined the sound. He turned his head, which made him aware of a faint soreness across his forehead. He paused and reached up to his forehead and his fingers came away with a few flecks of dried blood. He fingered the scratch on his forehead and refocused his attention up at the branches overhead and to one particular one that had been at his head height, which he definitely remembered walking into. He had fallen back to lie in the grass, near where Halling had sat down to 'rest', and the grass had been quite comfortable so John had stayed there - that was the last thing he remembered.

He touched the wound on his forehead again, but there wasn't a lump and hardly any blood, and what there was had dried. He turned his head again, trying to ignore the ruus wine induced headache, and saw Halling lying against a nearby tree stump.

"You okay?" John called to him with a croaky voice.

Halling groaned again and turned to sit up against the stump and he nodded, his eyes still closed. "What happened to Janus?" Halling asked after a moment.

"I think we lost him back in the party," John replied as he became aware of a stinging pain in his leg. "Ouch," he muttered into the growing soft light of dawn. "What happened to my leg?" He shifted, which made his head ache, and he saw a tear in the outside of his left calf.

"The pig," Halling reported with a smile in his voice.

"Oh, yeah, now I remember," John replied as he reached down and pulled up his trouser leg enough to see the wound. He had tied a piece of fabric round it last night, though he couldn't remember where he had gotten the torn strip of clean fabric. Good to know he had basic first aid skills even when that drunk. The cut stung. "Damn pig," he muttered. "They're fast."

"Did I not tell you so?" Halling replied chuckling, but it ended with a pained groan.

"Damn ruus wine," John muttered as he let go of his trouser leg and dropped his head back against the grass.

He lay in silence, his body aching and heavy, until Halling began to chuckle again, though it might have been closer to a giggle in John's opinion. "What did you call it?"

John frowned, trying to remember and chuckled himself. "The Pig of Doom," he replied.

"You said it would live in a castle of bricks, or something."

John chuckled at his remembered drunken thoughts on where The Pig of Doom would live. "And it would kill off all the big bad wolves," he added. He remembered finding that _very_ funny last night – there may have been some giggling of his own.

"You were telling me the story of the pigs in their differing houses," Halling told him.

"You said they should have built Athosian tents," John recalled as he kept his eyes closed against the throb in his head.

They lapsed into silence again. There was the distant trickling sound of water nearby, and he remembered that they had found one of the fabled water deer.

"Did we get the deer?" He asked.

"I do not think so," Halling chuckled.

"Not if you're going to fall into the river," John muttered remembering that part clearly.

"I lost my footing for a moment."

"Water deer – they're tiny things."

"Larger than the Pig of Doom that wounded you," Halling pointed out.

John chuckled and the laughter kept going a little out of his control and Halling joined in. The laughter died away slowly leaving only the sound of running water, singing birds, and his own relaxed breathing.

"I am so grateful that my people have survived," Halling uttered quietly.

John opened his eyes and turned his head enough to look at Halling again. "Me too," he replied.

Halling had his eyes open, looking up at the light filling the space between the leaves in the canopy above them. He lowered his head to smile back at John. "And thanks to the Ancestors for good friends," and John nodded with a smile. Halling chuckled again. "I do not think Torren will need to learn of how we celebrated his first birthday," Halling added as he closed his eyes with a pained look.

"We never got that pelt for him," John replied as he returned his head back to a more comfortable position and closed his eyes. Halling grunted a reply and John lost his attention into the cool forest air against his face, the throbbing in his head and the nice sound of running water nearby. Gradually it all slid away as he fell back to sleep comfortably.

0000000000  
TBC - (hopefully the next part will be up in the next hour or so)


	14. Chapter 14

**Note: **From at least chapter onwards this will be an **M **rated fic.

000000000000

_**Twenty-One years and nine days earlier**_

Torren dressed, fed and ready for the new day, Teyla stepped out of her tent into the early morning light. It had been a wonderful celebration yesterday, and though she had not had that much sleep last night, she felt good.

She grinned at the large numbers of people asleep around the camp. Most of those from Atlantis had returned to the city, but a few still remained lying asleep around cold campfires. She saw Major Lorne sit up, rubbing a hand over his face and then up into his hair as he stood up carefully.

"Good morning, Major," Teyla greeted him with a smile as she approached.

"Hi, Teyla," he said a little weakly, wincing a little. "Sorry, think I had a little too much to drink."

"Do not concern yourself, you are hardly alone," she remarked indicating the people around them who were beginning to stir.

Lorne looked a little less sheepish and nodded. "Guess I'd better check in with Atlantis."

"I already have," Jennifer's voice carried to them and they turned to see her emerging from one of the large communal tents. "They aren't expecting us back till much later."

"I still think I may go back," Lorne muttered as he set the heel of one hand to his forehead.

"There's water and a simple breakfast being handed out inside," Jennifer told him gesturing back towards the tent. "I can't promise a spare bed as most are full, but there are a few spare chairs."

Teyla saw the look of interest and relief in Lorne's face. "That sounds good. Excuse me ladies," he said as he moved away, looking rather pained.

Teyla grinned as she followed him to stand at the entrance to the tent beside Jennifer. She had been correct there would not be any spare beds, but maybe a spare stool on which Lorne could rest. The beds had been set up late last night for those wishing to stay in the camp overnight, but it appeared that far more had remained than she had expected. She had not missed the fact that everyone had been celebrating all day and that a lot of ruus had been drunk. She had retired inside her tent earlier last night to wash and ready Torren for bed and when she had emerged later to leave him with a sitter she had found that everyone had gotten far merrier. It had pleased her to see her friends, old and more recent, all so enjoying themselves, though Rodney had been rather worse for wear. She had assisted Jennifer in getting him to lie down in a spare guest tent, where he had almost immediately fallen asleep. She saw him now sat to one side of the communal tent clutching a cup of a fizzing drink.

"How is Rodney?" She asked Jennifer. Torren giggled loudly at all the people he could see, but those close by didn't look too pleased with the high-pitched sound.

"He'll be fine," Jennifer replied clearly trying not to laugh as Rodney groaned and sipping his drink. Lorne sat down next to him, a plate of plain toasted bread on his lap.

Teyla glanced around the tent looking for her others friends. "Have you seen John or Ronon?" She asked.

"I saw Ronon heading back to the city…with Amelia," Jennifer added in a hushed voice.

"Really?" Teyla asked with interest. "And John?" Teyla asked as she looked over her shoulder at the waking camp outside.

She had hoped to have seen John last night, but had been busy speaking with various visitors, some of which she had not seen in years. She had seen John among the party at various points, but after she had returned from placing Torren with the sitters, she could not recall having seen John again last night. She ran her eyes over the people sitting around the remains of last night's campfires, but she could not see John anywhere among them. She had offered him and the rest of her team to use one of the guest tents to sleep last night if they wished, so perhaps he was in there. Of course there was another option that occurred to her, but she tried to ignore it. Perhaps he had found some female company last night and was now asleep in another woman's bed. She was not entirely sure where that thought had come from, for she could not recall having seen him alone speaking with a woman last night, and John was rarely one to be known to be dating. Yet, he was a very attractive man and surely he needed female company. He never spoke of seeing anyone, and considering how much time they had been spending together lately, she would have thought he would have mentioned such a thing. Yet, a passing meeting with a woman at a party was not the same as him dating someone in Atlantis. Perhaps, he had simply returned to the city, though she knew he had been planning to stay today to help tidy up following the celebration. She hadn't seen him towards the end of the night, which had been a shame, and she hadn't noticed him sleeping outside.

"Haven't seen him," Jennifer replied. "He certainly wasn't in the guest tent with me and Rodney."

"He must have returned to the city after all," she replied, unwilling to voice her thought that he may be sleeping in one of the occupied tents in the camp. If he had returned to the city, alone presumably, she hoped he still intended to return to the camp today. She had been looking forward to spending the day with him, especially as Kanaan would be caring for Torren for the day. She had liked the idea of having an entire day free in which she would be able to enjoy John's company as they worked in the camp. Perhaps, he had changed his mind, or something may be occurring in Atlantis that required his attention despite his leave.

As she ran her gaze over the camp once again, she saw Kanaan making his way towards her. She turned towards him as he arrived. He looked well rested and happy.

"You are here to collect Torren?" She asked after they had exchanged greetings.

Kanaan grinned down at his son who was giggling loudly again, and Teyla could almost feel the pained wincing from those in the tent behind her.

"Yes. Good morning, Torren," he greeted their boy as he took him and settled Torren in his arms. "You are going to spend the next day with me. What shall we do?" He asked his son and the boy giggled up at him in response. "How about a walk by the river? Or perhaps across the fields?" He smiled to her and then turned away, talking with his son. Teyla smiled at the touching moment, but turned almost immediately back towards Jennifer, to see the other woman's smile towards Kanaan's back.

"Do you need help with anything?" Teyla asked Jennifer, deciding that she would prefer to be busy herself. She had been hoping to have breakfast with her friends, particularly John, but as that was unlikely now she would rather get to work. Without Torren as a distraction she knew that her mind would likely begin to turn with thoughts of where John may be and how she may feel if he reappeared from within the camp. Lately she had been so enjoying his company, so thrilled at the return of their former close friendship, now deeper still and she had allowed herself to enjoy his company, letting the warmth he gave her override her fears of her heart being hurt. However, this morning, those fears and pains seemed once again evident and unavoidable again. Yes, it would be advisable to be busy today.

"Definitely," Jennifer replied with a smile. "I haven't seen so many hung-over people since college."

Teyla spent the next hour or two making sure everyone was well and that everyone had water and food if they wished. The faces around her were smiling again and the groans had lessened as everyone began to feel better. As time passed there was still no sign of John, and she had to conclude that he must have returned to the city, but she thought it strange that he had not let her or anyone else know. She found herself growing a little concerned about him.

"Have you seen any sign of John?" She asked Jennifer back inside one communal tent. Rodney was clearly feeling better because he was gulping down his breakfast beside her.

"No," Jennifer replied frowning, picking up on Teyla's growing concern.

"Sheppard?" Hakon asked from where he sat at a table preparing vegetables for the later midday meal . "Last I saw him, he and Halling were heading off into the forest last night to hunt," he told them with a smile.

"To hunt?" Teyla asked surprised and amused. She was also seriously relieved, that her rather jealous thinking had turned out to be false. He hadn't spent the time in a woman's bed.

Hakon grinned up at her from his work. "They had drunk quite a lot. With Janus," he added as he pointed with his knife to where Janus was still fast asleep on a wooden bench nearby.

Teyla grinned down at Halling's close friend. Many times over the years had she seen Halling and Janus drinking vast amounts of ruus wine as they laughed and told stories. She recalled now that she had seen both Halling and John briefly moving through the party last night, the last time she had seen them. She remembered that John had grinned and winked at her in the split second before he had disappeared into the crowd. He must have been heading out on his 'hunt' with Halling. New worried thoughts filled her mind.

"We need to go and find them," she announced.

"I doubt they'll have gotten into too much trouble," Hakon assured her seeming to say that Halling and John had indeed been very drunk last night.

"If they were that drunk they could have hurt themselves, or worse," Teyla pointed out. She knew of occasions when overly drunken individuals had died alone in the forest. Of course she hoped that John and Halling had stayed close and were simply asleep out there somewhere, but they could have been injured, fallen over or even been sick. It only took a moment's mistake alone in the forest to be one's end.

"I'll go with you," Jennifer offered.

"Thank you. Did you see in which direction they went?" She asked Hakon.

"No, but they had been talking about water deer, so maybe they went towards the river?" Drunken people near water were even more worrying.

"Thank you," Teyla replied as she headed off across the camp to first check Halling's tent. There she found Jinto who was growing equally concerned about his father. He joined her and Jennifer, heading out into the forest towards the river.

She and Jinto picked up John and Halling's trail easily enough, and followed it, along its clearly drunken twists and turns to a narrow tributary off the main river. Their tracks disappeared into the water, which concerned Teyla, but as there was little force to the flow and no sign of them nearby, she hoped they had not ended up face down in the water. Therefore, they proceeded across the river into the lush grass and tall ferns beyond, the tracks reappearing.

"Here," Jinto called out from ahead and she quickened her pace, to see the darker shades of clothing standing out against the green grass ahead. She slowed her steps when she heard Halling's voice, and as she moved around a thick clump of ferns she could see Halling lying by a tree stump and John waking up from where he lay a couple of feet away, stretched out on the grass, looking rather comfortable. Relief filled her and it was almost immediately replaced with amusement.

"Are you two alright?" She asked as she approached, barely keeping her smile in check.

"We are fine, Teyla," Halling told her as he struggled to sit upright.

Teyla turned her attention to John as he blinked his eyes slowly and lifted himself up on an elbow. There was a stretch of dried blood across his forehead. She crouched down by him, worried that he had been injured, but closer up she could see there was no bruising and his eyes were sharp as they focused on her. She resisted the urge to run a hand over his hair with pleasure to see him well and unharmed.

"Hey, Teyla," he greeted her as he sat up.

"Any injuries?" Jennifer asked as she arrived behind Teyla, her smile unchecked.

"We're fine," John replied with a touch of answering sarcasm as he moved to get up.

Teyla pulled back from him to give him room, but as he stood up, he hissed slightly for a moment. Teyla looked down to see him favouring one leg and as she leant down she saw a tear in his trouser leg and what looked like dried blood around it.

"You are injured," she pointed out and Jennifer moved closer.

"Let me see," the doctor ordered John as she dropped her first aid bag on the ground by his boots and crouched down.

"It's just a scratch," John argued and Teyla thought she had heard a touch of embarrassment in his voice.

"He was scratched by a pig," Halling informed them as he too managed to get to his feet.

"Attacked," John clarified towards Halling, who chuckled at him. "And he twisted his ankle, falling into the stream," John added pointing to Halling.

"And your forehead?" Teyla asked John as Jennifer cleaned what looked like a small cut to the outside of his calf. He looked at her, that sheepish embarrassment returning for a moment, but he pulled a half shrug hiding it quickly.

"A fraggle beast got me," he replied with a smile that made her feel a little warm. She laughed at his theory.

"A fraggle beast?" She asked smiling up at him, surprised he knew about the mythical creature.

"Sure, I fought it off though," he added still smiling at her. She laughed at him enjoying the sparkle in his eyes, though perhaps it was just the soft light shining through the trees overhead.

"And we thought you both had been out hunting rabbits," she replied.

"And water deer," he added with a more embarrassed smile as he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"There you go, Colonel," Jennifer said as she stood up. She had covered his scratch and his trouser leg dropped back into place over it.

"Thanks," John replied.

Teyla tried to school her amusement as she regarded John and Halling. "You should both know that it is unwise to go hunting late at night whilst intoxicated." The two grown men looked down and away. "Especially not when there are fraggle beasts in the area," she added her humour breaking through.

John glanced back up at her from under his eyebrows, the scratch across the middle of his forehead drawing her attention. She dropped her eyes from the scratch to meet his, wondering if he knew she suspected he had walked into something at the same level as his head to have sustained that wound.

"Father," Jinto laughed from her left and she looked away from John to see Halling limping away. "It is a good thing I am grown, for what kind of behaviour was this to set as example for me?" Teyla smiled at Jinto's teasing and she suspected Halling would not hear the end of this for some time to come.

John moved to follow, clearly wanting to get back to the camp. Teyla held back and shared a grin with Jennifer, before they followed, falling into step with John. He was walking fine, no sign that his leg bothered him too much or that the impact to his forehead had harmed him. She had to focus on the forest around them to stop herself laughing at the two men.

"Are you laughing?" John asked suspiciously from her side.

She kept her gaze directed out at the passing forest to hide her smile. "No, I am simply watching out for fraggle beasts."

0000000000000

They reached the camp to find people had already begun to clear up the camp. The affects of ruus wine tended to be short lived as long as one had some good sleep, plenty of water and a simple meal.

John and Halling headed into one of the tents to claim some of the last of the breakfast and plenty of water as per her instructions. She would take great joy in telling Ronon of this.

She turned her attention to helping with the clearing up, though the amusement of John and Halling's hunting trip kept her smiling as she did so. Everybody worked together to clear away the many cups and plates spread around the camp, stacking them into high piles beside the busy washing bowls. The first of the two communal tents that had been set up simply for the party was dismantled. The other one would be left for the rest of the day for those who would be remaining for the day. Many left though, all of them seeking her out to wish Torren congratulations once again, and to say how much they had enjoyed the celebration. Teyla had thoroughly enjoyed being together with so many old friends again, so many from off world, and she had been so touched that they had visited. It had been as much a celebration for her people's victory over Michael as well as a birthday, and she sensed that Torren had become something of a beacon of that victory, since Michael had so sought to use him for his evil plans.

As she collected up the many tablecloths, she once again reflected on how an entire year had passed. A year ago she had been a prisoner of Michael's, forced to give birth to Torren on a Wraith ship. The moment when she had heard P90 fire from outside her chamber had been of such relief. She had had such faith that John would come for her, that he and the others would find Michael and stop him before her son would be taken from her. Her faith had been rewarded in John, for he had even returned from the future to make sure that he got to her and Torren in time. He had been badly injured himself, needing to have been in a hospital bed, not storming Michael's ship. She had given Torren his second name in honour of John, for had it not have been for John, Torren would not have lived to see his birth. For John had saved Torren once before, when she had been linked with that Queen. The Queen had been moments from destroying Torren, but John had acted decisively and she would always be grateful to him for that. The team had saved one another so many times over the years, and she knew that they all extended that love and attention to Torren now, but it had been with John that she had seen most affection for Torren. It had not occurred quickly, but with his offer of babysitting for her, he had become almost a surrogate father for Torren before Kanaan had become strong enough to care for his son.

She set down the last of the dirtied tablecloths onto the pile she had made and she looked up around the camp, to see that John and Halling had reappeared and were helping with the clean up duties. John looked like he was himself again, the slight wince of a headache, and perhaps embarrassment, was gone and as he was helping carry the many pieces of furniture out of the open space and back to their owner's tents he was clearly feeling strong despite his minor injuries. She looked away trying not to smile too much as she set about identifying who owned which pieces of furniture around her. She began setting chairs with tables, ready for them to be carried to their tents and at one point Halling walked past, his smile a little embarrassed still, which only made her more amused. She had shared her own share of drunken evenings with friends over the years, though many of her and Halling's oldest friends were now gone. Most had been taken by the Wraith, and then Michael had taken many more. Yesterday's celebration had been about Torren, a new beginning for their people, but also to remember those who had been taken before their natural time. Charin came to mind, as she still often did, and Teyla looked over to the two benches of hers that had once been Charin's. People arrived into one's life and then left, it was a fact of life, but at least Charin had been able to leave to join the Ancestors in her own time.

Teyla returned her mind to her work, stacking up more chairs and carried them across the camp towards Hakon's tent. She set the chairs just inside and turned back, and as she did she saw Kanaan heading away down the path towards the fields, Torren in his arms, and several off world friends with him. She smiled at the sight. There was much to be positive about, especially her son. He was one year old. She shook her head at that fact again as she returned to the main space.

John was stood among the group carrying away the last pieces of furniture. He turned and smiled when he saw her approaching.

"This is yours, isn't it?" He asked pointing down to one large dark wood table.

"Yes, it is," she replied as she neared him, surprised that he knew and strangely touched. She moved around to one end of the long table as he moved to the other end. Between them they lifted its heavy weight and made their way across the camp. "How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm never drinking ruus wine again," he muttered, though he was smiling.

She grinned at him. "You will be glad to know that most at the party drank far too much."

"Did you?" He asked surprised as they turned down an avenue of the tents, heading towards hers.

"No, but then I had Torren with me most of the night," she replied.

"His first birthday," John muttered with the same level of surprise and disbelief that she felt to think of how fast her son had grown and how much time had slipped past.

"It has gone so quickly," she agreed as they reached her tent.

"Tell me about it," John muttered as they turned with the table and he walked backwards in through the entrance of her tent. "He'll be getting married before we know it."

She laughed at the thought, though it worried her a little. "I hope not," she replied as she followed into the tent.

"Over here?" John asked gesturing with his head to the table's usual place across the tent.

Teyla was about to confirm that he was correct when she paused and John stopped with her, the table still held between them. "I have been considering moving a few things around," she considered. With several pieces of furniture out of the tent, now would be a good time to move some things around. She studied her tent around her for a long moment, picturing in her mind how it would look with the table in various different locations.

John set down his end of the table with a sigh, drawing her attention back to him. "How about, you decide where you want the table and _then_ I'll help you move it. I know what you women are like when it comes to interior design. I'll get the rest while you think about it." He passed by her giving her a forced impatient look. She pretended not to see it and returned to studying her tent as John left through the entrance behind her.

She moved around the table sat in the middle of her space and looked at her cooking area. She could move the shelving unit stacked with jars and boxes to the left, closer to the entrance, which would mean she could extend the rugs further around the fire, creating more space to sit.

The entrance flap opened and John's arms entered as he placed down her smaller table and his arms disappeared again. She began hurriedly emptying the shelving unit and, as she moved it further to the left, she heard John place one of her benches just inside the tent and leave again. She quickly and roughly restacked the shelving unit in its new position and then retrieved the smaller table from near the entrance and carried it over to its new place. John entered again with the last bench.

"Any more yours out there?" He asked as she picked up one bench and placed it in a possible new location, then stood back to judge how it looked.

"Two chairs and stools," she replied. "But, they are still being used in the communal tent."

"So, you decided where you want the table yet?" He asked.

"Thank you," she said as he set the other bench down next to the other one where she indicated. She was happy with the benches in their new position near the fire. She looked back across the tent. "Over against that side, near the screen," she decided. The screen divided the sleeping area from the rest of the space.

"Okay," John replied as they both took up their places at either end of the long table again. "But, I'm not putting up wallpaper for you," he joked as they picked up the weight together.

She smiled at his joke as they carried the table further back in the tent. "You could bring me some fraggle pelts to hang up instead," she suggested cheekily. He narrowed his eyes at her, only making her smile further.

They set down the table and between them they shifted the back of the table as close to the tent wall as they could. They stepped back and she regarded the table's new place.

"Happy?" John asked from beside her.

"Very much, I just need to lay the rugs back into place," she added as she turned and set about doing so. John surprised her by helping, and after only a few adjustments, everything was in its new place. She smiled, happy with the changes. She looked towards John and her gaze was drawn up to his forehead. "Your forehead is bleeding again," she told him.

He bloated his wristband against it. "Just a scratch," he repeated as he had earlier.

She nodded, but turned and entered her sleeping area. "I have some wipes in here," she told him over her shoulder. She picked up Torren's spare bag in which she kept one of the small first aid kits that Carson had prepared for her.

"Its fine," John replied, but he had followed her, standing just inside the screen, as he bloated at his forehead again.

"It needs to be properly cleaned," she told him, trying to sound stern.

He rolled his eyes at her a little but took the cotton pad she offered him. He pressed it to his forehead. She pulled out an antiseptic wipe packet and moved towards him, her eyes focused on the cotton pad. John stood a good foot taller than her so she had to reach right up to pull his hand back from the wound, peering up at it. She still couldn't see any swelling, so he must not have hit his head all that hard. She suspected he had simply broken the seal across the scratch to make it bleed again now.

"Sit down," she ordered him so that she could more easily reach his forehead.

"Its fine," he insisted, but he did as she ordered and sat down on the side of her bed. His forehead was now at a far more manageable level, and it was rather new to be the one looking down at him. She studied the scratch, still trying to hide her amusement at his and Halling's adventure, as she pressed the cotton pad to the thin wound again. Now she could see for herself that there was no serious bruise, though there was a slight discolouration halfway along the small scratch where his head must have hit the branch.

"You should watch where you walk," she told him with a smile as she tore open the packet of an antiseptic wipe.

There was a pause. "It was a fraggle attack," he replied.

She looked down at his eyes, so much closer now and saw the amusement there finally. She grinned at him as she nodded and pressed the wipe to the cut. He let out a breath at the sting of it and she made sure not to smile again. She cleaned the scratch, across the strong width of his forehead.

"Hunting for rabbits," she mused as she noticed a piece of leaf caught in his hair and she paused to pick it out and drop it to the floor.

She placed the wipe aside, pulled out another cotton pad and cleaned away the dried blood from just above his eyebrows, along the natural swell of his brow. She looked down further to see that he was looking up at her.

"Water deer," he corrected. His eyes really were an amazing shade of green, though stood so close she could see the light brown mixed in around his wide dark pupils, no doubt so large because of the limited lighting in this back part of the tent.

"Did you find one?" She asked as she returned her gaze to his forehead, bemused at how attractive even his forehead could be. She set the cotton pad aside with the wipe and picked up the small first aid kit again.

"There was one drinking in the stream, but Halling almost fell into the water and scared it off," he replied, his voice sounding deep and soft in her tent.

She smiled at the mental image of the two drunken men attempting to stalk the flighty deer. "Which was when he twisted his ankle," she concluded as she pulled out one of the small adhesive pads with which to cover the scratch.

His eyes dropped to it in her hand. "I'm not having a band-aid on my forehead," he protested.

Teyla turned the small Earth band-aid over in her hand. It was from a pack designed for children and so was brightly decorated. She looked innocently up from it to John. "But it has smiling woodland creatures on it," she pointed out. "Very appropriate."

John's eyes dropped to the band-aid again and then back up to her eyes. "They're chipmunks and I'm not wearing it," he replied.

His eyes were brighter, with that sparkle in them in that she always enjoyed seeing, his good humour having always appealed to her, but lately his light-heartedness had helped her through her own darker times. Yet, she also knew that for a man, especially one such as John, to wear something so intended for children would embarrass him. However, these were the only band-aids that she had in the tent.

"Your wound will only keep bleeding if it is not covered, and you will look fine with it on," she told him, trying to appease his self-consciousness, though also very much to tease him. She wondered if she could convince him to wear it.

"I'm the military commander of Atlantis. I'm not walking around with a chipmunk band-aid on my head," he told her.

He sat with his face slightly turned up towards her, looking up at her from under his brow, which put the top of his head about level with her chin. She guessed that this would be a similar angle from which he always saw her. Her eyes lifted to his forehead where the scratch had clearly stopped bleeding.

"You said that you were planning to help in the camp for the rest of the day, my people will not judge you," she told him keeping a straight face.

He lifted his head up a little more, looking more directly up at her, his expression shifted, his eyes narrowing, but there was a definite sparkle in them. It was a rare day in which she was able to tease him, for he was usually the one to tease others, and today had presented her with much material. She liked the subtle shift of playfulness the moment evoked in her.

"It's just a scratch," he told her slowly. "I'll be fine without the chipmunks."

She grinned at him, seeing that he was controlling his own amusement, though surely he could not be finding this as funny as she was. The prospect of seeing him with the brightly coloured band-aid across his forehead widened her grin. She did not doubt that he was very serious about not wearing it, but the image in her mind was far too amusing. She was very tempted to stick it onto his forehead, just so she could see it there for even a moment.

"Don't do it," he warned, having somehow understood her thought.

His tone was a commanding one, but she had heard the smile in his voice. It made her even more tempted to try it now.

"Teyla," he warned, lengthening the last syllable of her name.

She turned the band-aid in her fingers, catching one of the removable covers against her finger. His gaze dropped down to her hands, just below his chin, and then back up to her eyes. One of his eyebrows rose slightly, part of the movement of complex muscles that altered his expression around his eyes and his lips. She thought she saw some surprise in that expression, but also some challenge. She turned the band-aid again, considering if he would attempt to stop her if she tried to attach it to his forehead. He glared up at her now, attempting to intimidate with his look, but his eyes were too wide and his lips too lifted for her to be fooled by the intended warning.

She slid her thumbnail under one of the band-aid coverings, partially peeling it away to expose the adhesive beneath. He looked down at her hands again, having seen the move. From above she could see the length of his eyelashes, adding to the dark shadows of his face of the light morning growth along his jaw and around his mouth.

His lips pressed together as he looked back up at her, now from under his eyebrows, his forehead temptingly close to the band-aid. His eyes held the clear challenge now, and the sharp rise of one of his eyebrows that seemed to say 'just try it'. It reminded her of their sparring years ago, which she still missed. It had been years since they had trained together that way and the reason was clear to her, but to this day she was not entirely been sure why a single unexpected kiss, that hadn't even been his fault in initiating, had ended their sessions so completely. She had never pushed him to return to them though, respecting that he seemed to prefer Ronon's company for training and it had given her some solace in the emotional distance it had given her from him. Yet, she still missed the playful competitiveness they had shared during those sparring sessions. Its return now, made her aware of how much she had grieved its loss. Their more recent sporting activities nearly always resulted in them working together in a team and not against one another, making the experiences feel quite different from how sparring had used to be. Now, however, she remembered the fun she had felt in sparring with him. She had almost asked him to spar again recently, for he had spent so many years now training with Ronon that surely his skill level must have greatly increased. She would like to see that experience for herself, test it with her own. Sparring over a band-aid was not quite the same, but, oddly, it felt far more enjoyable. The band-aid covering fell away, leaving only one side needing to be freed.

"Don't do it," he warned again, his voice deep and wavering with humour.

He was studying her closely, probably trying to tell if she was going to make the move towards his forehead and when. She lifted her gaze to the scratch again, judging the distance. He saw the move and leant back a fraction, his eyes widening, his face turned up more towards hers, which had tilted her target a little further away from her. His lips had parted, the cautious smile there, and one of his hands had lifted, ready to intercept her hand. She smiled down at him, holding herself very still for when and if she would strike. He watched her cautiously as he tried not to smile, and she felt his fingers touch ever so slightly against the back of one of her hands, ready to try to hold her back. They remained that way for a moment, both of them waiting, challenging, and greatly amused.

The moment stretched out, growing more amusing as it did and her smile became a grin and he was smiling back, though still cautious. His gaze dropped to her hands again, his fingers moving slightly further around her hand that held the offending smiling chipmunks. She would have pulled her hand away, used that moment to try to press it to his forehead, but the heat of his hand against hers was too pleasing. She caught herself with that thought, noticing only now that she had moved so much closer to him in their game without realising, standing now partly between his legs. The sudden width of his shoulders became more apparent, the strength of his body so close to hers, and the warmth of his fingers against her hand; it all sent a burst of warmth through her body. His scent seemed stronger, mixed with the earthy scents of the forest that he had brought in with him, from his water deer hunt. The smile caught her lips to remember the sight of him and Halling lying in the grass near the stream, amusing yet it had filled her with such relief to know that he was unharmed.

Her eyes rose to the scratch on his forehead again, once again noting how curious it was that even his forehead appealed to her. She knew she should not dwell into these thoughts, for she had accepted that they were not to be years ago. Yet…lately things had felt different between them, since her relationship had ended with Kanaan. She had wondered far too often whether there was more to that fact, other than that John may have wanted to help lift her spirits or that perhaps he simply had not approved of her choice in Kanaan. There was another explanation, but she tried not to consider it too much, unwilling to yet again open that box of unrequited feelings for him. She had tried to spend more time with him without allowing her deeper feelings to be so involved, yet her reaction to just the thought that he may have been with another woman last night… This past year, of seeing him with Torren, through his offer of support when things had been most demanding for her and that their friendship had once again grown, it all meant that those feelings had not been buried, but instead only made stronger. Even last night, knowing that he had spend his time enjoying her friends company, his hunt with Halling…it only made her care even more for him. And here he was, sitting on the edge of her bed, looking up at her with those wide sparkling eyes; so very appealing to her.

It occurred to her that she hadn't moved for a short time and that he may think something was wrong. She smiled again and dropped her eyes to the band-aid, trying to keep on track with the conversation from before and to push down the feelings his close presence was provoking. She focused on the inanely smiling chipmunk cartoons on the band-aid, and smiled herself at their forced cheerfulness meant to make a child's hurt a little bit lighter. She looked back up at him from the chipmunks.

"I will not force it on you then," she assured him, though she would truly have enjoyed seeing the band-aid stuck to his forehead. She no longer felt the temptation to try and stick it to him though, for that would involve moving closer to him and joking with him was different to the possible play fight that could ensue. In her mind she foresaw the possibility, however slight, that she may end up saying something to him that may alter their friendship. Just standing here made her skin tingle, her lips feel full and dry, and to push anything further would only be a strange form of self-torture for her.

He looked doubtfully up at her, his eyes dropping to the band-aid again. His hand touching against hers tightened slightly and she watched as he reached out with his other hand to take the band-aid from her. She smiled as he pulled the chipmunks from her grip, clearly not believing her or perhaps he simply wished to remove any further temptation. He held the band-aid up and then dropped it to the floor and she watched it flutter to the ground where the tiny cartoon smiles stared up at her. She looked back to him, to find that he was still looking up at her.

His hand was still lightly touching the back of her hand, the warm of his fingers and palm electric against her skin. The touch shifted, covering more of her hand, and suddenly the tent felt absurdly warm against her skin. She locked her gaze with his, seeking to understand what was happening and if she was simply misreading his intent. Yet, as she looked down into his upturned eyes, what she saw there was not what she expected, though perhaps what she had always wished to see. For a moment she doubted her reading of his eyes, of the way his even darker eyes held hers, his expression still light, but there was an emotion there now that made her body tingle.

She held his gaze, staring back down at him, and watched as his eyes moved slightly, studying her in return. His hand slid against hers again, enfolding her hand further into the warmth of his. Her lips now felt far too dry and without thought she licked them, feeling the plumpness of her lower lip as she pulled it into her mouth. John's eyes immediately dropped down to her mouth and she saw the shift of his expression, and finally the doubts lingering in her mind began to disappear. His eyes lifted back up to her eyes, as if he had caught himself in staring at her mouth. However, having seen that moment of honest reaction on his part she was filled with sudden relief and confidence.

As his eyes met hers again, she felt the swell of emotion in her chest. All the feelings that for years she had been suppressing and ignoring were finally allowed their freedom and they mixed in now with this moment, filling it with profound meaning and a sense of rightness.

A sense of relaxation and pleasure eased through her, and she let her gaze run over his face, taking in the entirety of him in a way that she hadn't noticed before. His hand slid up from hers, sliding very lightly up her arm and it felt like an invitation. She returned her eyes to his as she shifted closer to him, now truly standing between his thighs. He tilted his head up slightly more, keeping their eye contact as she stepped right up close to him. In his eyes she saw his pleasure, his enjoyment of the moment and that intensity that increased as his eyes dropped to her lips again.

She lifted one hand, touching her fingertips to one of his cheeks, feeling the texture of his skin and stubble. His gaze met hers again and she felt his other hand touch against her waist, sliding just slightly around to her back as his eyes focused on her lips again. She welcomed the clear invitation, her heart rate beating rapidly, she dropped her gaze to his lips and she leant down and in towards him.

Her lips met his, the touch electric and thrilling in so many ways for her, but all the details of the moment, of its significance, drifted from her thoughts as his lips captured hers gently. She closed her eyes tightly as she returned the kiss. Lips capturing, holding, releasing and sliding against one another's to meet and hold again. It was a soft and meaningful kiss, slow and careful.

Their lips parted and her eyes drifted open to look down at his upturned handsome face, his lips full and damp from her kiss. Her body felt warm, both light and heavy, and her heart full.

His hand slid up her back, tangling up into her hair as his hand closed around the back of her neck. She smiled as he pulled her mouth back down towards his and she willingly pressed her mouth back to his. His other hand slid around her back, his arm encircling her waist, and he pulled her gently against him. She couldn't imagine that it was comfortable for him to have his head tilted back so much, but his lips opened against hers, tempting her into the wet warmth of his mouth, and she forgot anything but the moment and his kiss. Tangling her tongue with his, she surrendered to the moment, letting loose the passion that had been simmering for him for years, and as his hands slid up her back and at his sharp intake of breath as she sucked on his tongue, brought it all to a boil. She pressed her body fully against his, pushing him backwards, and as he laid back onto her bed, his arms slid around her, pulling her with him.

That moment, that had changed so much, seemed so long ago, especially since she had spent so many days and nights recalling it. She had sat on that old bed, in the place where he had sat, and replayed that moment. When the bed had been broken, in part by John's son, she had felt the loss of it for the very reason that it had been there, on that bed, where she had spent her first day in John's arms. That first kiss had started a love affair that had lasted a year before Atlantis' destruction, and in that year she had fallen so completely for John.

In the years since his disappearance, she had reflected that she had spent far more years apart from John than she had ever spent with him, as a friend or lover. However, that fact had never lessened her feelings for him. At times, she had wondered if there was something wrong with her to have felt so connected to a man who had been lost, perhaps permanently, but now, with him once again stood in her tent, she knew that those few years together, particularly the last one, had just as much significance for him as they did for her.

She lifted her eyes from where her 'new' bed stood towards the back of the tent to look at John. He turned from the bed, perhaps having been lost in his own memories, and he grinned at her, the years dropping away between them.

"It was a good bed."

00000000000  
TBC


End file.
